When older kids still have tantrums: What to know

Expert reviewed by Ellen Braaten, PhD
Quick tips for managing tantrums
- Quick tip 1Resist the temptation to give in.Resist the temptation to give in.
Be calm and try not to cave. Acknowledge what kids want, but don’t try to reason with them when they’re upset. Wait at least an hour before talking about the tantrum.
It’s common for young kids to have temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. But by the age of 8 or 9, tantrums have tapered off for most kids.
When older kids have tantrums, people may see them as spoiled or disrespectful. The truth isn’t so simple, though. Tantrums happen for a reason.
As kids grow up, they typically develop language skills to express feelings like frustration and anger. They learn to negotiate for what they want. Most learn to handle strong emotions and cope with disappointment.
But some kids take longer to learn to handle strong emotions and cope with disappointment. They may struggle with self-control or anxiety, or have trouble putting feelings into words. These and other reasons can lead to older kids having frequent tantrums.
Dive deeper
Why it happens
When a tantrum is really a meltdown
Next steps
About the author

About the author
Bob Cunningham, EdM has been part of Understood since its founding. He’s also been the chief administrator for several independent schools and a school leader in general and special education.
Reviewed by

Reviewed by
Ellen Braaten, PhD is a child psychologist, professor, and founding director of the Learning and Emotional Assessment Program (LEAP) at Massachusetts General Hospital.