--- title: 4 ways I keep my sanity during the holidays description: "It’s the most wonderful time of the year.... Except when it’s not. Get tips from a mom on how to stay sane during the holiday season. \n" slug: 4-ways-sanity-holidays author: Suzie Glassman published: '2023-12-07T14:34:22.819Z' date_modified: '2023-12-01T12:00:00.000-05:00' thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/219f9IJ84dItLMfhfvL4cw/24698e0bb65b09811fc8c0b3dd958b8b/G1358641451.png source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-ways-sanity-holidays lang: en --- # 4 ways I keep my sanity during the holidays For me, the holidays can be a stressful time. In-laws are judgy, kids are unruly. And there are a million and one things to do while getting little to no sleep. And when neurodivergent kids are added to the mix, things get even more hectic.   My children are now 14 and 12, and I feel as if I’ve just mastered how to stay calm during this time of the year. Here’s how I maintain my sanity during the holiday season. ## I let go of expectations. One year, I bought my daughter an adorable Christmas frock with embroidered reindeer and a big, fluffy skirt. I bought my son a matching Christmas sweater. My husband and I also had well-planned outfits.  I scheduled a photo session, and I dreamed of the beautiful pictures we’d get. Instead, I got a daughter who wouldn’t wear the dress because it was too itchy. A son who refused to smile at the camera. And a husband who was over it. So, I let go of what I thought the holidays should be. I started rolling with the punches to live more in the present with my kids. I started to accept the inevitable hiccups — like photo shoots gone wrong. ## I relax restrictions. My kids have ADHD — they need structure, routine, and firm boundaries. None of which exist at Grandma’s house. And that used to bother me.  *“Mom, that’s too much sugar.” “Mom, they can’t eat that before dinner.” “Mom, they need to go outside.”* After a few years of wasting my breath, I decided to loosen up.  A weeklong sugar fest and relaxing the rules wasn’t going to harm my kids. At Grandma’s house, my kids get to do activities that are no-go for 11 months of the year. And I get to feel less stressed knowing that their free-for-all won’t last for long. ## I talk about tricky situations in advance. Many neurodivergent kids — including my own — have trouble with social awareness. If they hate a present, they’re likely to say so. They’ll complain loudly about not liking the food. And they’ll let you know when they’re ready to go home.  I started talking to my kids about what to do in these scenarios. For instance, we talk about how to show gratitude for the gifts they receive, even if they don’t like them. We talk a lot about respecting older relatives and what it looks like to maintain boundaries while still being kind.  ## I go for walks. Going for a walk gives me a chance to get some alone time. Plus it gives me a moment to reflect on why we’ve all come together in the first place. When my kids came along, I wanted things to be just like they are in the holiday movies. But that’s not always realistic. And that’s OK.  The last thing I want to be remembered as is the stressed-out mom who lost her temper. So, when too much togetherness gets the best of me, I head outside. Listen to [**this podcast**](https://www.understood.org/en/podcasts/undefined/undefined) for tips on how to deal with holiday challenges. Learn ways to [make the holidays easier](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/11-tips-to-help-kids-with-adhd-manage-the-holidays) to manage for kids with ADHD. --- ## Explore related topics and articles - [Our community weighs in: 16 holiday survival tips for kids with ADHD](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/our-community-weighs-in-16-holiday-survival-tips-for-kids-with-adhd) - The holidays can be a tricky time for kids with ADHD. Change in routines, endless gatherings and social pressures can zap the cheer right out of the season. We asked our Facebook community to share their tips for helping kids with ADHD survive the holidays. Their tips might just make the weeks betwe - [11 ADHD holiday tips](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/11-tips-to-help-kids-with-adhd-manage-the-holidays) - The holidays are hectic. And if your child has ADHD, it can create extra challenges. Here are some tips to make the season easier to manage. 1. Pick and choose holiday events. You dont have to accept every invitation you get. If your child gets antsy or overexcited, just go to the most important eve - [The holiday habit I’d like to break: Comparing my son with nonverbal learning disability to his cousins](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-holiday-habit-id-like-to-break-comparing-my-son-with-nonverbal-learning-disability-to-cousins) - The house is aglow. I can see cousins, aunties, uncles, and grandparents hugging and greeting my husband and youngest son through big bay windows. The smell of the fire beckons me inside. Yet I cant move. My eldest, 5-year-old Darius, is in full protest mode. His sobs have soaked my silk top and his --- ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-ways-sanity-holidays#webpage","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-ways-sanity-holidays","description":"It’s the most wonderful time of the year.... Except when it’s not. 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