--- title: 5 “Big Bang Theory” quotes that make me a better parent description: "Dr. Sheldon Cooper struggles with social skills — just like this mom’s son. Read about the lessons she's learned from these “Big Bang Theory” quotes. \_" slug: 5-big-bang-theory-quotes-that-make-me-a-better-parent author: Amanda Morin published: '2019-10-16T12:09:48.861Z' thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/F21F405D61624CDD9EAD224EC30C5054/de37c800a6c00907292736cafe31922e/010617_BLOG-5_Big_Bang_Theory_Quotes_That_Taught_Me_About_Parenting_a_Child_With_Social_Skills_Issues.jpg source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-big-bang-theory-quotes-that-make-me-a-better-parent lang: en --- # 5 “Big Bang Theory” quotes that make me a better parent Anyone who knows me well knows I love the TV show *The Big Bang Theory*. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. And if you have a child who struggles with [social skills](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/trouble-with-social-skills) and you haven’t seen this show, you’re *really* missing out. It’s a sitcom about a nerdy group of scientists. But it’s less about their work and more about their friendships and the social challenges they face as they awkwardly try to navigate the world. There’s a lot of speculation by fans that one of the main characters, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, could have [nonverbal learning disabilities](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-nonverbal-learning-disabilities) or Asperger’s syndrome. He has significant trouble with social skills. He’s not a flexible thinker. He doesn’t read other people’s [social cues](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-types-of-social-cues) well, and he often says things without thinking about the impact on other people. (The show’s creators and cast have downplayed the possibility of any specific diagnosis.) I started watching the show because I loved how it highlighted nerd culture in a funny and endearing way. Brainy jokes are a huge part of my life. But I kept watching because Sheldon sometimes acts so much like my older son that it takes my breath away. Like Sheldon, my son has social skills issues. When I watch the show, I’m not just laughing at the punchlines, I’m laughing at how ruefully familiar the situations are. And sometimes I’m not laughing at all — I’m learning. Through the show, I’ve discovered new ways to explain things to my son and new ways to understand him. Here are five of my favorite quotes from *The Big Bang Theory* and what they’ve taught me about parenting a child with social skills issues. ## “Try telling him it’s a non-optional social convention.” *—Sheldon’s friend, Howard* In one episode, Sheldon doesn’t understand why he should buy a birthday present for his friend, Leonard. From Sheldon’s point of view, Leonard doesn’t need anything and hasn’t said he wants anything, so it doesn’t make sense to get him anything. After trying to explain gift-giving in multiple ways, Sheldon’s friends tell him it’s a “non-optional social convention,” which finally convinces him. **The lesson I learned:** Sometimes I need to create a shortcut to help my son make sense of things other people understand more intuitively. With my son, there are times when no matter how much I explain the reason behind a [social rule](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/unwritten-social-rules-for-kids), it doesn’t make sense to him. He needs to know the “why” behind the rule. But sometimes it’s enough for him to know that some things are “non-optional social conventions” — you do them whether it makes sense to you or not. ## “Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he’s fine. Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.” *—Sheldon’s mother* On the show, people have trouble making sense of Sheldon’s behavior. He always tells people, “I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested.” This generates a lot of laughs on the show, but it gets me thinking. **The lesson I learned:** Trust my instincts and follow up with experts and specialists to get a diagnosis. When my son first started having a hard time in school, some people told us it was a “behavior issue.” Others said he was “too smart” to have anything going on. But I followed my gut and decided to see a specialist so we could identify his issues. Once my son was diagnosed, we were able to get [supports and services](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-difference-between-services-and-supports-for-kids-with-learning-and-thinking-differences) in place for him. The diagnosis also led us (and him) to better understand his challenges, and that’s helped him learn how to [self-advocate for the support he needs](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-importance-of-self-advocacy). ## “It occurred to me you hadn’t returned any of my calls because I hadn’t offered any concrete suggestions for pursuing our friendship.” *—Sheldon* In one of my favorite episodes, Sheldon literally maps out a step-by-step “algorithm” for making new friends. The algorithm includes a decision loop that tells him when he needs to compromise and do something the other person wants to do. **The lesson I learned:** My son needs direct coaching on how to connect with other kids and make friends. Like Sheldon, my son struggles to make and maintain friendships. He also has a hard time learning to compromise and understand that friendship is a give and take. Until I saw the “algorithm” episode, it never occurred to me that I needed to [explicitly teach my son ways to make friends](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/8-ways-to-help-your-middle-schooler-connect-with-other-kids). I can’t expect him to just pick these skills up on his own. ## “I have spent my whole life trying to bring order to the universe by carefully planning every moment of every day.” *—Sheldon* When Sheldon’s regular barber is hospitalized, Sheldon refuses to get a haircut for days. In this quote, he explains why to his confused friends. **The lesson I learned:** It’s not stubbornness that makes my son [perseverate](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/perseveration-adhd-and-learning-differences) and need a routine — it’s anxiety about the unknown. When my son was younger, it was overwhelming to feel like we had to plan every moment of every day to [avoid meltdowns](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/taming-tantrums-vs-managing-meltdowns). I used to think he was just being stubborn. But once I understood that anxiety was driving his need for routine, I learned to talk things through with him. Now we work to keep open communication with him. We try to let him know when things will be different and give him as much choice as we can to help ease the anxiety. Over time, his schedule has become more flexible. ## “Leonard, I am overwhelmed. Everything is changing and it’s simply too much. I need to get away and think.” *—Sheldon* After Sheldon’s favorite comic book store burns down, his girlfriend breaks up with him and his roommate Leonard says he may be moving out, Leonard asks Sheldon how he can help. Sheldon says he just needs space. **The lesson I learned:** Change can be really hard for my son to process, and sometimes it’s going to be too much. As a parent, it’s my instinct to want to swoop in and fix everything for my kids. But I can’t always do that. And I can’t always expect my son to pick himself up and manage, especially when he’s overwhelmed. What I can do, though, is respect his need for space and time and [be available to him](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/9-ways-to-show-empathy-when-your-child-is-struggling) when — or if — he’s ready to talk through what’s “too much” for him. It’s a humbling lesson to learn as a parent — one of many the show has taught me. Over the years, I’ve watched *The Big Bang Theory* characters grow and change alongside my son. I don’t know how long the show will be on the air, but its lessons will live on in my parenting and in my son’s life. In fact, not too long ago, he said something ridiculous and I jokingly said, “You’re so crazy!” As he rolled on the floor laughing, he said, “No, I’m not. You had me tested.” --- - Learn how [watching TV with kids can help improve their social skills](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/video-watching-tv-to-improve-social-skills). - Check out an interview with statistician Peter Flom about [what it’s like to have nonverbal learning disabilities](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-questions-with-peter-flom-statistician-with-a-nonverbal-learning-disability). - Explore a parent’s view of the [overlap between autism and learning and thinking differences](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/my-kids-have-both-autism-and-learning-and-thinking-differences-and-its-complicated). --- ## Explore related topics and articles - [6 things I wish people knew about parenting a child with a nonverbal learning disability](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/6-things-i-wish-people-knew-about-parenting-a-child-with-a-nonverbal-learning-disability) - Before my daughter was diagnosed at age 5 with a nonverbal learning disability \(NVLD\), I already knew she was different. As a baby, she wasnt as active as other kids. She wasnt well coordinated and didnt have good balance. Sometimes she didnt understand where her body was in space. For instance, occ - [Thanks, Dad: Quotes from young adults who learn and think differently](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/thanks-dad-quotes-from-young-adults-who-learn-and-think-differently) - Looking for inspirational quotes about fathers from their children? These young adults learn and think differently, and are all from the Eye to Eye mentoring network. Hear what they have to say about their dads. Jeremy Lustig Thanks, Dad, for teaching me that sometimes you have to fight to reach you - [8 things I wish people knew about parenting a child with ADHD](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/8-things-i-wish-people-knew-about-parenting-a-child-with-adhd) - From the minute we entered the restaurant with my 6-year-old son, I knew we were in for a tough time. The room was packed and noisy. It wasnt kid-friendly, and my son has ADHD. We sat down at a table, and within minutes, he was fidgeting in his seat. He grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and starte --- ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-big-bang-theory-quotes-that-make-me-a-better-parent#webpage","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-big-bang-theory-quotes-that-make-me-a-better-parent","description":"Dr. Sheldon Cooper struggles with social skills — just like this mom’s son. 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