--- title: 'Gift exchanges and self-control: 5 trouble spots for kids' description: When kids struggle with self-control, gift exchanges can be tricky. Here are 5 tough situations for impulsive kids and tips to make opening and giving gifts more fun. slug: gift-exchanges-self-control-trouble-spots-for-kids author: Lexi Walters Wright reviewer: Bob Cunningham, EdM published: '2019-10-16T12:24:13.091Z' thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/FBJipI2yZJ1CjnjpAM2R7/99c1083826b91b2fd4d456521f70bea7/G557474425.jpg source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/gift-exchanges-self-control-trouble-spots-for-kids lang: en --- # Gift exchanges and self-control: 5 trouble spots for kids Opening presents is supposed to be fun, not frustrating. But for kids who struggle with [self-control](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/self-control-what-it-means-for-kids), getting and giving gifts can be tricky. Here’s what to look out for before a gift exchange, and tips to make it go more smoothly. ## 1. Spoiling the surprise **The situation:** While handing a wrapped present to a family member, your child blurts out, “It’s a jewelry box!” **Plan-ahead strategy:** Practice how to receive and give gifts. That includes what to say and not say. Remind your child that the surprise is the best part of a gift. **On-the-spot response:** “Let’s try to keep the present a secret next time. It’s fun to see people open the present without knowing what it is!” ## 2. Having trouble waiting **The situation:** Your child tears through all the presents before anyone else gets a chance to open one. **Plan-ahead strategy:** Give your child a job, like handing a gift to each person. After everyone has a gift, your child can take one. Then everyone can open a gift at the same time. You can also try giving your child a small gift first. Encourage your child to quietly play with it while others open their gifts. **On-the-spot response:** “Before you take a present for yourself, your aunt and uncle still need theirs. Would you like to give it to them?” ## 3. Grabbing other kids’ gifts **The situation:** Your child grabs the toy a cousin just unwrapped. **Plan-ahead strategy:** Talk about how your child might like gifts other kids get. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK to grab them. Remind your child to ask before touching: “When you’re done playing, can I see it?” You can also ask kids to think about how they’d feel if someone grabbed their gift. **On-the-spot response: **“Please hand the toy back. You can ask to play with it later.” ## 4. Getting too excited **The situation:** Your child is excited and bouncing around after unwrapping a new toy. By accident, your child drops the toy and almost breaks it. **Plan-ahead strategy:** Find ways to channel [your child’s focus](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/child-trouble-focusing) and [energy](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-hyperactivity). Ask your child to take pictures for you. Or have your child “interview” people about their gifts. **On-the-spot response: **“I’m so happy you like that toy! But let’s be a little more careful. Please set it on the table for now. Would you like to take a photo of Grandma with her gift?” ## 5. Seeming ungrateful **The situation:** After opening gifts, your child cries out, “But I wanted a scooter!” **Plan-ahead strategy: **Talk about how fortunate the family is to be able to give gifts. Explain to your child how you have a set amount of money to spend on holiday gifts. **On-the-spot response:** “I see you’re disappointed. Let’s look at your presents and see the other nice things you got.” Check out a mom’s [simple strategy for calm holiday gift giving](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/want-need-wear-read-the-holiday-gift-strategy-that-work-for-my-kids). --- ## Explore related topics and articles - [Tantrums over gifts: Why they happen and what to do](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/tantrums-over-gifts) - Getting presents is usually a highlight of the holiday season. But for kids who struggle with self-control, exchanging gifts can often lead to frustration and tantrums. Opening gifts can be especially hard for kids with ADHD who have impulsivity and trouble managing emotions. They may overreact when - [7 ways to prepare kids for visiting relatives and family friends](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/7-ways-to-prepare-kids-for-visiting-friends-and-relatives) - Visiting family friends and relatives is hard for many kids. But for kids who learn and think differently, not knowing what to expect or how to behave can be especially tricky. These simple strategies can help. 1. Describe the scene. How many people will be there? Who are they? Just knowing the basi - [5 tips for picking gifts for your child](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/5-strategies-for-choosing-gifts-for-your-child-with-learning-and-thinking-differences) - - Its important to consider your childs strengths, challenges, and interests when choosing presents. - Try to avoid using holiday gifts as an incentive for good behavior. - Giving fewer gifts can help make the holiday more manageable. Gift-giving with kids is a balancing act. 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