--- title: How to help your grade-schooler handle school cliques description: Cliques become a big factor in kids’ lives around fourth grade or even earlier. How to help your grade-schooler with learning and thinking differences deal with cliques. slug: how-to-help-grade-schoolers-with-learning-thinking-differences-handle-school-cliques author: Lexi Walters Wright reviewer: Rayma Griffin, MA, MEd published: '2019-08-05T15:42:21.881Z' thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/9FC177C2011A4C5AB5329F2570CFCEB1/5012b667706e313e6c8c735d72e9fbd6/83744195.jpg source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-to-help-grade-schoolers-with-learning-thinking-differences-handle-school-cliques lang: en --- # How to help your grade-schooler handle school cliques Cliques tend to become a big factor in kids’ lives around fourth grade. But cliques can form even earlier. And as kids approach middle school and become more independent, cliques grow in importance. In grade school, cliques tend to be made up of friends who have something in common. That might be a hobby, an interest, or a skill. Kids this age may not be welcoming to or patient with a child who seems different or who can’t keep up. But you can help your grade-schooler with learning and thinking differences learn how to cope with cliques. Below are tips on what you can do in some common situations. ## Support your child’s strengths. **The scenario:** Your child rarely gets invited to his first-grade classmates’ birthday parties. Your grade-schooler says, “They think I’m dumb.” **What you can do:** Help your child evaluate the situation: Why does your child really think they’re being left out? If it’s their behavior, they can work to improve it once they realize it’s a problem. Offer to help by [role-playing social situations](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-social-situations-to-role-play-with-your-child) with your child. But if learning differences do seem to be the reason, help your child consider their [strengths](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/types-of-strengths-in-kids). How might your grade-schooler make friends based on what they’re good at? Create playdates around their interests and talents. ## Encourage empathy. **The scenario:** At a friend’s sleepover, your child didn’t follow the rules when they played games. And your grade-schooler kept talking when people wanted to sleep. On Monday, the other sleepover guests barely say hello to your child at school. **What you can do:** Help your child understand why everyone seems upset. Walk your grade-schooler through the party’s events. When your child reaches a red flag, ask: “What could you have done differently?” Then brainstorm alternatives to prepare them for next time. And reassure your child that there *will *be a next sleepover. ## Change the playing field. **The scenario:** The kids in your neighborhood ride scooters to and from school together. But your child has [motor skills issues](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-your-childs-trouble-with-movement-and-coordination), and you drive your child to school. Your grade-schooler thinks that’s why nobody asks them to play on weekends. **What you can do:** Help your child understand that there are things besides scooting that they *can* do with these kids. Encourage your child to invite some over and see what they have in common. Do they like video games? Or dinosaurs? Or *Doctor Who*? Sharing an interest can help create a bond. ## Help your child learn to self-advocate. **The scenario:** Your child has [issues with writing](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-trouble-with-writing-in-kids). Your grade-schooler is allowed to take tests on a computer. Your child’s three best friends complain that that’s unfair. **What you can do:** Ask your child what they can say to their friends about why they use a computer. This [self-advocacy](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-importance-of-self-advocacy) can make your grade-schooler feel better *and* educate their friends. Brainstorm casual explanations, like: “Hey, the only way I can get *through* these tests is on a computer. You should see my handwriting!” --- ## Explore related topics and articles - [How to help your middle-schooler handle school cliques](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-to-help-middle-schoolers-with-learning-and-thinking-differences-handle-school-cliques) - - For kids in middle school, its very important to fit in and feel liked. - Kids may be comfortable with the idea of social groups by the time they reach middle school. But that doesnt mean they know much about how to deal with them. - Even if your middle-schooler is part of a group of friends, y - [How to help your preschooler handle school cliques](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-to-help-preschoolers-with-learning-and-thinking-differences-handle-school-cliques) - - Cliques start to form as early as preschool. - Preschoolers might want to be friends with kids who have similar skills. - Kids whose skills arent as developed yet may feel left out. Cliques dont form too often in preschool, but it happens sometimes.Skill level varies a lot at this age. And ki - [How to help your high-schooler handle school cliques](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/high-schoolers-cliques) - - Friends and social cliques may matter more to teens than their family relationships do. - Teens who learn and think differently may have trouble navigating friend groups. - Families can help their teens handle challenges with cliques. 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