---
title: How to talk with your child about signs you’re noticing
description: You notice your child struggling with learning or behavior. What should you ask or say to your child? Get tips for having conversations about challenges.
slug: talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences
author: Tara Drinks
reviewer: Amanda Morin
published: '2020-08-17T16:10:06.212Z'
thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/5IezwARJ8L2G8jw3UE8nTX/268cdec0d36914efa96bfe8167c5642e/G960131752.png
source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences
lang: en
---

# How to talk with your child about signs you’re noticing

If you’re seeing signs that your child is struggling with learning and thinking differences, chances are you’re wondering what to do next. Having open and honest conversations with your child is a good way to find out what’s going on — even if you’re not sure how to begin.

Starting a dialogue may be tricky at first. You’ll need to adjust what you say based on your child’s age and how open your child is in general. But the more you talk, the easier the conversations become, and the more you’ll learn about your child’s challenges.

Read on for tips for talking with your child. And find out what some young adults wish their parents had said to them when signs first appeared.

## Jot it down. 

Before speaking with your child for the first time, write down exactly [what you’ve been noticing](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-benefits-of-observing-your-child-and-taking-notes). (You can also record a memo or send yourself a text or email.) For example, does your child get easily frustrated by math homework? Or maybe your child spells the same words wrong over and over. Jot down a few examples to mention during your talk.

**Example:** “I’ve noticed that you seem frustrated when you have math homework. Can you tell me what part of math is difficult?”

## Use empathy. 

If you’re noticing that your child is struggling, chances are your child notices it, too. Opening up about challenges can be scary or upsetting. [Empathize](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/9-ways-to-show-empathy-when-your-child-is-struggling) and let your child know that everyone struggles with something.

**Example:*** *“We all have some areas that are tricky for us. And that’s OK. We all have strengths, too.”

## Be your child’s partner. 

It’s common to not have the answers right away. Be honest and tell your child that you’ll find the answers *together*.

**Example:** "Let’s talk to your teacher and find what’s been happening at school. Maybe there are things we can all do to make it better. How does that sound?”

## Listen. 

You want your child to give you information that can help you understand what’s going on. Your child wants to feel heard. So, be sure to really listen — and show it.

**Example:** “You’ve mentioned that homework can be stressful at times. And I understand. Can you tell me more about why it’s stressful?”

## “What I wish my parents had said to me”

It’s not always easy to know how to talk to your child about difficult things, especially if you don’t have any answers. Here, three young adults share what they wish their parents had said when the signs of challenges first appeared.

---

<!-- structured-data -->
```json
[{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences#webpage","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences","description":"You notice your child struggling with learning or behavior. What should you ask or say to your child? Get tips for having conversations about challenges."},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences","name":"How to talk with your child about signs you’re noticing"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"Article","datePublished":"2020-08-17T16:10:06.212Z","description":"You notice your child struggling with learning or behavior. What should you ask or say to your child? Get tips for having conversations about challenges.","headline":"How to talk with your child about signs you’re noticing","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/talk-to-child-about-signs-learning-differences","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.understood.org/#organization","name":"Understood for All Inc","logo":"https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/307jFAYQevghG8nQMCjh89/ccdbbec895765824db43f6d30b496e83/logo_lockup_navy.jpg"}}]
```