---
title: What to say when your preschooler gets frustrated
description: What can you say when your preschooler gets frustrated? Understanding what’s behind the frustration can help you find better ways to respond. Learn more.
slug: what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated
author: Amanda Morin
reviewer: Mark J. Griffin, PhD
published: '2019-08-05T15:28:56.722Z'
thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/3Bb4LlYoCBl930iRyzO7U7/c7da0f0472422a3bc40027c1c4b97d5d/G1135476957.jpg
source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated
lang: en
---

# What to say when your preschooler gets frustrated

All young kids get frustrated sometimes and act out. But kids who learn and think differently might do this a lot — and in ways that seem over the top.

Knowing what’s behind your child’s behavior can help you keep your cool. It can also help you respond in a way that keeps your frustration from fueling your child’s.

Here are some examples of behaviors you might see, and helpful ways to respond.

## Frustration about following directions

**The behavior you’re seeing: **It’s time to pick up toys at the end of the day. Instead of putting them away, your child puts them all in a pile in the middle of the room.

**Before you understand, you might think: **Your child is just being defiant.

**The frustration behind the behavior: **Your child might not know what to do first. Many kids who learn and think differently don’t always know where to begin a task. They might have trouble understanding the steps that have to happen to clean up. (Learn more about [trouble following directions](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/why-trouble-following-directions).)

**A helpful way to respond:** “There are a lot of toys here. Start with the plastic animals. When you’re done with that, we’ll decide what to tackle next.”

## Frustration about social situations 

**
The behavior you’re seeing:** At a gathering with friends, your child leaves the other kids playing in one room and goes to play alone in another room.

**Before you understand, you might think:** Your child is being rude.

**The frustration behind the behavior:** Not understanding how to join the group. Some kids who learn and think differently struggle with [social cues](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/4-types-of-social-cues). Or they might not know how to join a conversation.

**A helpful way to respond: **“You were so excited to have your friends over, but now you’re not playing with them. I’ll help you come up with some ways you all can play together.”

## Frustration about self-control

**The behavior you’re seeing:** Your kids are playing well together. But suddenly, your youngest gets rough and keeps grabbing toys away from a sibling.

**Before you understand, you might think:** Your child just refuses to share.

**The frustration behind the behavior:** Difficulty waiting patiently. Some kids who learn and think differently have [trouble with self-control](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/self-control-what-it-means-for-kids). 

**A helpful way to respond:** “I can see you’re having a hard time waiting your turn. After you take a break to calm down, come back and [apologize](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-to-give-a-genuine-apology). Then we can talk about how to share with your brother so you both get enough turns.”

Learn more about helping your child [cope with frustration](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/signs-of-frustrated-child-at-school). You can also use a [frustration log](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/frustration-log-download) to keep track of what you’re seeing and find strategies to help.

---

<!-- structured-data -->
```json
[{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated#webpage","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated","description":"What can you say when your preschooler gets frustrated? Understanding what’s behind the frustration can help you find better ways to respond. Learn more."},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated","name":"What to say when your preschooler gets frustrated"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"Article","datePublished":"2019-08-05T15:28:56.722Z","description":"What can you say when your preschooler gets frustrated? Understanding what’s behind the frustration can help you find better ways to respond. Learn more.","headline":"What to say when your preschooler gets frustrated","url":"https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-to-say-when-your-preschooler-gets-frustrated","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https://www.understood.org/#organization","name":"Understood for All Inc","logo":"https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/307jFAYQevghG8nQMCjh89/ccdbbec895765824db43f6d30b496e83/logo_lockup_navy.jpg"}}]
```