--- title: Why I chose extra help for my son over extracurricular activities description: Extracurricular activities or tutoring? It’s a common (and tough) choice for parents of kids with learning and thinking differences. Read how this mom chose. slug: why-i-chose-extra-help-for-my-son-over-afterschool-activities author: ToughTopics published: '2019-10-16T11:54:01.417Z' thumbnail: https://cdn-images.understood.org/p0qf7j048i0q/51BA7C868AB14BD2AD357ABB0F3E18CE/8843b30670fed6618088871c2519323f/i510401404.jpg source_url: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/why-i-chose-extra-help-for-my-son-over-afterschool-activities lang: en --- # Why I chose extra help for my son over extracurricular activities When I sat down for my son’s [IEP meeting](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-iep-meeting-an-overview) in seventh grade, I expected to hear what I’d been hearing at these meetings for years. He’s making progress. He’s a pleasure to have in class. He’s well-liked. He’s disorganized and easily distracted. He’s [anxious](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/anxiety-why-its-different-from-stress). Paul has dyslexia and ADHD, and he also struggles with math. It had been a tough road with his learning and thinking differences. But my husband and I were dedicated to giving him all the help he needed. We wanted him to improve and be successful in school. And that’s what his [IEP](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/understanding-individualized-education-programs) meetings had typically focused on — goals, skills, and academic achievement. This time, however, his teacher said something I’d never heard before: “Paul talks about soccer nonstop, and he clearly loves playing. But he needs other [interests and activities](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/kids-activities-strengths) that he can feel good about.” Suddenly, I was burning with [guilt](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/parent-guilt-tips). If my son didn’t have enough interests, it was my fault. I should have exposed him to more things. It took me days to shake that feeling. Once I did, I realized why the teacher’s comment stung so much. It’s not that I didn’t want Paul to take music lessons or join the chess team. It’s that his afterschool schedule was already filled — with [tutoring sessions](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/faqs-about-tutoring-for-kids-with-learning-and-thinking-differences). Those were his other activities. And they weren’t fun. Paul spent one afternoon a week at the math tutoring program at school, and two afternoons with a private [reading specialist](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-is-a-reading-specialist). It was a financial drain for us, and an emotional drain for him. That left Paul with two free afternoons. He spent those at soccer practice, which he loved. Still, he sometimes got understandably [frustrated](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/how-to-say-it-responding-when-kids-with-learning-and-thinking-differences-are-frustrated) when he had to meet with his tutor while his friends went off to band practice or science-club meetings. I suppose I could have cut back on tutoring so Paul could try other activities. Having another interest probably *would* have improved his [self-esteem](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/positive-self-esteem-kids-importance). It might even have led him to consider a wider range of [college and career options](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/after-high-school-different-paths-to-success). But how good would he have felt about himself if he never caught up with reading and other skills? Paul’s in [community college](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/types-of-colleges-and-how-they-differ) now, and reading still isn’t easy for him. I sometimes feel bad that so much of his time growing up was spent working on his challenges. But I no longer have any regrets about my decision. I realize it’s not my “fault” that he didn’t have more [extracurricular activities](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/6-ways-to-improve-your-childs-self-esteem-with-extracurricular-activities) growing up. Parents of kids with learning and thinking differences often have to make hard decisions when looking at their child’s strengths and needs. But I know that the extra help was an important use of time because his grades — and his self-esteem — improved. And I also know he’ll have opportunities throughout his life to find new passions. --- Discover the [pros and cons of various tutoring options](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/tutoring-options-pros-and-cons). Read about the [benefits of afterschool programs](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/benefits-afterschool-programs-kids-with-learning-thinking-differences) for kids with learning and thinking differences. *Any opinions, views, information and other content contained in blogs on Understood.org are the sole responsibility of the writer of the blog, and do not necessarily reflect the views, values, opinions or beliefs of, and are not endorsed by, Understood.* --- ## Explore related topics and articles - [Someone on my side of the IEP table](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/someone-on-my-side-of-the-iep-table) - Our first IEP meeting was a lopsided affair. Inside a cramped office at my childs school, my husband and I occupied two of the seats around a little table. Staff from the school took every other seat in the room, plus an extra chair they pulled in from the classroom next door. There were six of them - [The school holiday party that helped me see beyond my son’s reading progress](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-school-holiday-party-that-helped-me-see-beyond-my-sons-reading-progress) - After my son was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia in first grade, my early conversations with his teachers and IEP team were all about the big stuff. Evaluation results. Individualized reading instruction. Accommodations. We talked about all the ways to help him catch up, and keep up, with his peers - [After one IEP meeting, my husband and I were finally on the same page](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/after-one-iep-meeting-my-husband-and-i-were-finally-on-the-same-page) - My husband and I went to our first IEP meeting together, neither one of us having a clue about what to expect. When we walked into the room, there were 10 people gathered around a large conference table to talk to us about our son Alec, who has dyslexia and ADHD. 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