Should I Encourage My Child to Go to IEP Meetings?

By Whitney Hollins

My daughter is in fifth grade and has known for a few years that she gets extra help at school for her reading and math issues. When should I start to encourage her to go to IEP meetings?

Whitney Hollins

Adjunct Instructor, Hunter College

This is a great question. There’s no hard-and-fast rule on when a child is old enough or mature enough to attend an Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting. By law, your child can be part of the IEP team “whenever appropriate.”

In my experience, parents tend to wait until middle school before they begin to consider having their child attend IEP meetings. This doesn’t mean you can’t consider bringing your grade-schooler. Here are a few questions to help you decide whether you think she’s ready.

Does your child know what an IEP is? If you decide to invite your child to the meeting, it’s important to have an honest discussion with her beforehand about what an IEP is and how you and the school develop it. You don’t want the meeting to be the first place your child realizes she needs an IEP or extra help.

Explaining the process to her is key. The more she knows about it, the more comfortable she’ll feel at the meeting. The goal is to make the meeting a positive experience, where your child recognizes you and the school are working together to help her.

Does your child want to attend the meeting? One way the IEP process can help empower your child is to give her the choice to attend. If she’s reluctant, it may be better to wait until she seems more comfortable with the idea of attending the meeting. Forcing your child to attend when she’s not ready could make her anxious or nervous about the process down the road.

Your child doesn’t have to be present for the whole meeting. It’s very common at IEP meetings for parents and staff to discuss issues that could be upsetting or embarrassing before the child joins the meeting. If your child decides to attend, it’s great to include her when the team is planning the IEP’s annual goals. Kids can have very helpful input in this area.

Planning and discussing annual goals has other benefits for kids too. It gives them practice articulating their strengths and weaknesses. It also allows them to discuss how their goals will be measured. This knowledge can empower kids and make them feel confident because it gives them a better understanding of what is expected of them.

Another part of the meeting you may want your child to attend is the discussion about accommodations. This section of the IEP is designed to provide supports to allow your child to be successful on tests and other school assignments. Examples include extra time to complete tests or having the directions read aloud.

Kids can add valuable insight here. Your child’s input could help steer the IEP team toward alternative or additional accommodations.

Does your child seem ready to self-advocate? It’s OK for your child to sit at the table and listen in. But the meeting is also a great opportunity for your child to begin to practice self-advocacy. As she gets older, it will become more and more important for her to be able to speak up for herself and tell others what she needs to succeed. IEP meetings are a wonderful time to begin to hone these skills.

Schools know how important self-advocacy will be to your child after she finishes high school. That’s one reason why high school students must be invited to the IEP meeting if the purpose is to consider postsecondary goals and transition services. Transition planning for postsecondary goals and transitions has to begin by the time your child is 16 years old. But many IEP teams start these discussions earlier if the child is ready to attend the meeting.

All children are capable of bringing knowledge and a fresh perspective to an IEP meeting. Your child’s maturity level and willingness to participate are the two big factors to consider when deciding which part or parts of the IEP meeting to invite her to attend. The choice is yours!

About the Author

Whitney Hollins

Whitney Hollins

Whitney Hollins is a special education teacher and adjunct instructor at Hunter College.

More by this author

Did you find this helpful?

More to Explore

  • Parenting Coach

    Practical ideas for social, emotional and behavioral challenges.

  • Tech Finder

    Find technology to help your child.

    Select platform or device
  • Through Your Child’s Eyes

    Simulations and videos to let you experience your child’s world.

  • Celebrate 1 in 5 Understood

    It’s ADHD, Dyslexia and LD Awareness Month. Learn about our live events, read inspiring stories and more.

  • Books Featuring Characters With Dyslexia or ADHD

    These great reads may resonate with kids with similar issues.

  • Join a Group!

    A safe place for you to connect with other parents like you.

  • All About ADHD Medication Rebound

    Learn about the symptoms you might see when your child’s stimulant medication is wearing off.

  • Video: How to Organize Your Child’s Backpack

    Use color coding and checklists to get your child's backpack organized.