Most of us have days when nothing seems to go our way. Despite our best efforts, work projects go awry, car keys disappear, and social plans fall through. Sometimes, you can’t help but think, “Why is this happening to me?”
Imagine that being what most days are like.
For many kids with learning and attention issues, the uphill battle to make friends, fit in and succeed at school takes a toll on their self-esteem. They may feel like victims, powerless to change their behavior and the situations they find themselves in.
Even if your child is building skills and making progress, he may feel victimized by his issues from time to time. Here are six common thoughts and perceptions he may have.
1. I have to work harder than everyone else.
Whether or not that’s true, your child may think everyone else in the class is sailing along while he struggles to keep up. Many kids with learning and attention issues find that even when they put in a lot of effort, the class is moving too quickly for them.
2. I hate being in the spotlight.
Accommodations are meant to level the playing field and help kids with learning and attention issues succeed. But they may also make your child feel singled out. Sitting in front of the class or leaving the room to take tests can feel like a giant advertisement saying, “I’m different.”
3. Everyone else has friends.
Having a good social life can go a long way toward making up for academic difficulty. It’s a source of confidence and escape. Because children with learning and attention issues can have social difficulties, they may feel isolated and rejected by peers.
4. Kids hate me.
It’s one thing to lack friends, and another to be picked on, teased or otherwise bullied. Kids with learning and attention issues are often the victims of verbal or physical bullying. But they don’t always speak up. They may even think they deserve it. If your child is being bullied, it can just reinforce the negative view he has of himself.
5. I’m always in trouble.
Your child may feel like every adult at school is mad at him. The librarian scolds him for tapping his pencil. His teacher says his paper is too messy and he needs to redo it. And the lunch monitor moves him away from his friends for being too rowdy. Since he’s not doing any of these things on purpose, he doesn’t feel like it’s possible to turn things around.
6. People judge me because I’m different.
There’s no way kids can hide the fact that they get extra time for tests. Or that they go to the resource room when all their friends are in English class. When others ask them questions about these accommodations, your child might feel ridiculed. Or they might worry that others think they’re “dumb.”
Not all kids with learning and attention issues feel victimized. But if your child does, giving him a sense of control can empower him. You can help him identify his strengths and learn to be a self-advocate. You can also teach him strategies for dealing with bullying. And by celebrating success and giving genuine praise, you can show him how much you value him.