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50 results for: "executive%20functions"

  • How kids use executive functions to learn

    In order to learn, kids need to be able to plan, organize, and complete tasks. They also have to control their impulses and feelings. These are just some of what are called executive functions. Explore the different ways executive functions help kids learn.

  • ADHD Aha!

    What is ADHD? An expert explains

    Host Laura Key shares a recording of the best explanation of ADHD she’s ever heard. You’ve heard guests’ stories ADHD symptoms…but exactly ADHD? bunch listeners asked ADHD explainer. episode, we’re something different. best explanation ADHD we’ve ever heard comes clinical psychologist ADHD expert Dr. Thomas Brown. We’re posting audio YouTube video Understood here, along commentary host Laura Key. Dr. Brown defines ADHD, shares relatable detailed examples ADHD symptoms, explains ADHD brain. hope enjoy — it’s helpful. Related resourcesWhat ADHD? Dr. Brown’s video YouTubeADHD brain  Episode transcriptLaura: Understood Podcast Network, "ADHD Aha!," podcast people share moment finally clicked someone know ADHD. name Laura Key. I'm editorial director Understood. someone who's ADHD "aha" moment, I'll host.Hi everybody. episode, we're going break usual format. Typically "ADHD Aha!," you'll hear people experience ADHD symptoms, noticed them, attitudes ADHD changed. listeners requested ADHD explainer. want answer question "What ADHD?" show. way, big thank listeners who've left comments written in. I'd love hear you. email us ADHDAha@understood.org rate us leave us review Apple Podcasts. Tell friends. digress.So thinking make explainer complex topic, realized didn't need create one scratch. Understood already much content ADHD, there's one video particular that's really resonated lot people. video, find YouTube channel, Understood expert, Dr. Thomas Brown, breaks everything need know ADHD. video really gets heart ADHD is, causes it, looks like.Dr. Brown clinical psychologist specializes in, among things, assessment treatment adolescents adults ADHD. long impressive resume, hearing speak got diagnosed ADHD instrumental helping understand going on. It's fair say words sparked lots mini "aha" moments me.So wanted share audio all. I'll popping quick thoughts there, overall, hope helpful enjoyTom Brown: know ADHD, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, people still call ADD attention-deficit disorder, recognized doctors since way back 1902. 1902 1980, little boys couldn't sit still, couldn't shut up, driving everybody nuts. behavior problems.The name disorder changed number times, different formulations. behavior problems. Since 1980, first changed name disorder include words, "attention deficit," we've realized much behavior problem, far problem brain's management system, executive functions.And also learned many people ADHD who've never significant behavior problems. even have, that's usually least it. It's attention problems tend make trouble people, particularly get little bit older expected able manage themselves.One thing that's important clear beginning ADHD nothing smart person is. There're people like super, super, super smart. Others, high average, middle average, low average, slow. treat people like university professors doctors lawyers big shots business.A lot people regular folks, people trouble basics. anything along IQ spectrum still ADHD — nothing smart are. thing know problem, set problems, include wide range characteristics. I'd like today describe characteristics call ADHD, give examples them. talk little bit know what's involved brain course ADHD.One main things people ADHD complain trouble staying tuned. they're listening reading working something, get part it, sort drifts they're back drift drifts again. they're back. difficulty staying tuned. It's similar way problem cell phone, you're area don't good reception. get part message keeps fading out.The thing often problem distracted. Like anybody else, see hear things going around them. thoughts going head. people, something they've got focus on, push stuff way focusing they've got do. People ADHD, it's real hard that.You know, there'll sitting classroom trying listen what's going on, perhaps there'll meeting sitting trying read something write something. somebody drops pencil sort check see pencil go. there'll back task couple minutes, they're thinking TV show saw night. they're back task minute. they're thinking conversation somebody two hours ago. they're back task minutes, they're looking window. Like anybody else time time, they're likely sit watch squirrel go tree little longer somebody else checking traffic cloud formation, guy who's mowing lawn, they're back task minutes. they'll thinking they're going soon thing going over, anyhow? I've got things I've got do, I'm going supper tonight? wonder what's TV tonight.All things coming one time. It's almost like you're trying watch TV got four different stations coming time, one channel. gets kind hard separate signal noise. thing that's puzzling this, really makes difficult people understand is: people ADHD, it's like almost time, always. Everybody I've ever seen ADD — that's lot people — things trouble paying attention, trouble focusing.Let give example: 16-year-old boy saw. goaltender school's ice hockey team. happened day parents brought see day team won state championship ice hockey. they're bragging little bit beginning great tournament day before. apparently good goalie. said he's playing hockey, missed nothing. knew puck every second fast game. Totally top it. kind goalie every team wants. Smart kid. tested way high superior range. Wanted get good grades, hoping go medical school, always trouble teachers.And say is, know, you'll say something shows smart are. We'll talking something, you'll come comment that's really perceptive it's quite impressive. time you're lunch. You're looking window, you're staring ceiling. look like you're half asleep half time. don't even know page we're on. question kept asking pay attention well you're playing hockey, come can't pay attention you're sitting class?Here's another example. lot times parents bring kids see they'll say, no, teacher says kid can't pay attention five minutes. know that's true. watched play video games sit play video games three hours time move. teacher said she's easily distracted. That's nonsense. she's playing games, she's locked screen like laser. way you're going get attention jump face turn TV. it's like here. can't there?Now it's always sports video games. There's people ADHD, they're good stuff. might art they're sketching drawing really getting it. Somebody else they're little, they're creating engineering marvels Lego blocks. they're older, they're taking car engines apart putting back together designing computer networks. everybody I've ever seen ADHD things trouble paying attention, even though almost everything else, they've got lot trouble paying attention.And ask it, say what's this, come here? can't here, here,

  • What is working memory?

    Working memory is one of the brain’s executive functions. It’s a skill that allows us to work with information without losing track of what we’re doing. Think of working memory as a temporary sticky note in the brain. It holds new information in place so the brain can work with it briefly and connect it with other information.For example, in math class, working memory lets kids “see” in their head the numbers the teacher is saying. They might not remember any of these numbers by the next class or even 10 minutes later. But that’s OK. Working memory has done its short-term job by helping them tackle the task at hand.Working memory isn’t just for short-term use. It also helps the brain organize new information for long-term storage. When people have trouble with working memory, the brain may store information in a jumbled way. Or it may not store it for the long term at all. Sometimes, what may look like trouble with working memory is actually an attention issue: The information was never put into the brain’s storage system in the first place. Learn more about the differences between attention and working memory. 

  • In It

    Executive function skills: What are they and how can we help kids build them?

    Messy backpacks. Forgotten lunches. Missing assignments. How can we help our kids get organized this school year? Messy backpacks. Forgotten lunches. Missing assignments. How can we help our kids get organized this school year? What strategies can we use to support kids with ADHD and other learning differences? In this episode, hosts Amanda Morin and Gretchen Vierstra get back-to-school tips from Brendan Mahan, an executive function coach and host of the ADHD Essentials podcast. Brendan explains what executive function skills are — and how we can help kids build them. Learn why we might be asking too much of our kids sometimes, and how to reframe our thinking around these skills. Plus, get Brendan’s tips for helping kids get back into school routines. Related resourcesWhat is executive function? Trouble with executive function at different ages Understanding why kids struggle with organizationEpisode transcriptAmanda: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "In It." On this podcast, we offer perspective, stories, and advice for and from people who have challenges with reading, math, focus, and other types of learning differences. We talk to parents, caregivers, teachers, experts, and sometimes even kids. I'm Amanda Morin.Gretchen: And I'm Gretchen Vierstra.Amanda: And this episode is for all those folks out there like me saying oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. How is it the start of a new school year already? How is summer over? And I don't know what I'm going to do because my kid doesn't know how to do school anymore.Gretchen: Yes, this transition can be especially stressful for parents of kids with ADHD and other learning differences. Maybe you had your systems down last year, like how to get your backpack organized or where your child does their homework after school. But will your child remember those things? And are those even the systems you need this year?Amanda: That's why we wanted to talk to Brendan Mahan. He's an ADHD and executive function coach. He's also got his own podcast, "ADHD Essentials."Gretchen: All right. Let's dive right in.Amanda: So Brendan, as an executive function coach, I would imagine that this start of the school year is a really busy time for you. What are you hearing from parents as they're facing down the beginning of a new school year?Brendan: It varies. Sometimes it's really specific. Like my kid struggled last year and I'm worried about how they're going to do it this year. Sometimes it's my kid's going into middle school, what do I do? Or my kid's going into high school, what do I do? Or I want my kid to get in a college and it's right around the corner — help. Like that. It's that sort of thing, right? But a lot of what I talk to parents about is like pump the brakes. Like, your kid is going to be OK. The school year hasn't even started that much yet.Amanda: OK. So I want to dig into all of that. But first, could you just explain what we're even referring to when we talk about executive function skills?Brendan: So executive function is the ability to do something, right? It's like the ability to execute. So planning and decision making, being able to correct errors and troubleshoot, being able to navigate it when things change and shift, when expectations are different and being able to handle that adjustment. It's understanding time and our relationship to it. It's sustained attention and task initiation. There's emotional control and self-awareness and self-understanding. It's kind of a broad category. There's a lot hiding underneath it.But it boils down to being able to do the thing. It's those adulting skills that, for one, we don't really expect kids to have yet anyway because it's developmental. But also we want them to have it before they're supposed to have it. And that causes its own sort of challenges.Gretchen: So I wonder, do kids tend to slide in executive function skills over the summer?Brendan: I don't know that they slide. I think the academic context of executive function slide. Sometimes we're still using some of those executive functions during the summer. Sometimes we're using more of some of them. You might have a kid who struggles to keep himself organized at school, right? But he's been playing with Legos all summer long and his Lego organizational skills are on point. And maybe that transfers to the classroom and maybe it doesn't.Summer is often when kids are much more self-directed. They're much more curious and exploratory. There's more space for that. So that stuff is going to grow when it may have slid during the school year, because they didn't get the opportunities that they might get during the summer.Amanda: I'm going to go back to something you said, though, because it piqued my curiosity. We expect kids to have executive function skills before they're developmentally ready for it. Why do we do that? Or how do we stop doing that? Or what should we be doing instead?Brendan: I'll go for all of it. Like, how big of a jerk do you want me to be?Amanda: Realistic. Let's go with realistic.Brendan: The answer to that, and this is me being a jerk, is kids not having executive functioning skills is inconvenient.Gretchen: Right.Brendan: Right? Like it makes our lives harder that they can't follow 10-step directions.Gretchen: Brendan, can you give a kind of a general overview of what skills I should expect of typical kids in like grade school and up? So I'm not asking for things I shouldn't get.Brendan: So breaking it down into, like, elementary school, middle school, and high school. It's at least academically how we break things down. So we should expect elementary school kids to be able to pay attention. But there's high school kids who have trouble with that, right? So like, that's kind of an illustration on executive functioning challenges. But broadly speaking, we're expecting elementary school kids to pay attention, control their behavior and impulses, follow one- to two-step directions, and be able to change their behavior to follow rules as necessary.Amanda: The kindergarten teacher in me is going to pop in here and say, "pay attention" is a really like nebulous one, right? Because when I was teaching kindergarten, it was like, pay attention for 10 minutes was about as much as they could could do, right? So I just want to caveat and say, yes, pay attention. I also think about how old the kid in front of you is, for how long they can pay attention.Brendan: True. And absolutely like 10 minutes for a kindergarten kid, and sort of add a few minutes per grade level kind of thing. But also, what does "pay attention" mean? Right? I'm really glad you called that out. Because for some teachers, "pay attention" means sitting with their back against the back of the chair and their legs against the bottom of the chair and their hands folded on their desk and looking at the teacher and — and like, I did that in school. And I did not know what was going on. Because my imagination is way cooler than anything my teacher had to say.Amanda: It may be time to narrate for our listeners that Brendan is standing up as he records, and I'm sitting a swivel chair and swiveling back and forth. Yet we are still paying attention.Gretchen: We're paying attention. So then what about middle schoolers that I know Amanda and I have.Brendan: And I do, too. Yeah. For the middle school kids, we want them to start to show that they can think in order to plan an action. We want them to be able to plan ahead to solve problems, even. Right? Like this is a problem that I might encounter when I do my social studies project or whatever. We want them to be able to follow and manage a daily routine. So an elementary school kid not knowing where they're going on a given day? We might not worry about that too much. Middle school kids, we start to go, oh, wait a minute, you should know what's happening. I want to caveat this, though, because some middle school schedules are a nightmare.Gretchen: A day, B day, short day.Brendan: Yeah. We also for middle school kids, we want to see them beginning to develop this skill of being able to modify their behavior across changing environments. Do we expect to see this because it's developmentally appropriate? Or do we expect to see this because that's how middle school works and it's necessary that they can? I don't know.Gretchen: It makes me think I'm asking too much.Amanda: Makes me think I'm asking too much, too.Brendan: Yeah. One of the things that I often talk about with my clients, with my coaching groups, is when a kid is struggling, we want to wonder: Is it the fish or is it the water? Right? Like, is this kid struggling because there's something going on with them? Or is it the kid's struggling because there's something going on with the environment that they're in? Probably it's both. And oftentimes we focus on the fish instead of looking at the water. So I tend to champion like, let's address the environment that the kid's in.Amanda: As a parent staring down the school year, what do I do right now to start bolstering those skills?Brendan: So if school hasn't started yet, I might be talking about things we can do during the summer to kind of get ourselves squared away so that the beginning of school goes more smoothly, right? Start going to bed a little bit earlier now, so that when school starts and you have to go to bed a lot earlier, you can make that transition more effectively. Or give your kids like a few more responsibilities for the time being, so that when school starts, you can take those extra responsibilities away and replace them with the school responsibilities that are coming. Which doesn't mean they should be writing essays at home. It just means that they should be doing a little bit more in terms of chores or something, so that they're used to not being as relaxed and on as much screen time as they were in the summer.And if school is already started, then it's like trust the teacher, right? Like let's communicate with the teacher. Let's find out what it is that they're doing in their classroom. Are they seeing challenges or red flags already for your kid, or maybe orange flags? Is there anything we need to be on top of right now? So don't wait until the problem happens, like solve the problem in advance instead of solving it after things have gone haywire. And pivoting really quick, because one thing I didn't do is I didn't talk about high school.Gretchen: Oh, yeah. High schools.Brendan: So emerging skills in high school: We expect them to start to be able to think and behave flexibly. We also want to see them begin to organize and plan projects and social activities. Now, social activities, yes. But like, why do they have to be able to organize and plan projects? Because that's how high school works, right? And that skill has been building since middle school, maybe even since late elementary school. But now we're starting to expect more independence and it should be an easier process.We also want to see them adapt to inconsistent rules. And it happens in lots of ways, right? Like I just left English class and now I'm in math class and I can't shut up because I was talking a lot in English and it was fine because we were doing group projects and now it's a solo thing in math, right? That's hard. But we start to expect that. Yeah, you have like three-minute hallway time and then you got to be ready to go behaving totally different for a new subject.Gretchen: That three-minute time is like, I've got to say, as a teacher, even I had trouble switching, right? You're going from one class to the next and there's no downtime to readjust. That's tough.Brendan: Yeah, but that's time on learning, right? That's like you've got to be learning, learning, learning. Which is silly, because we know we need time for our minds to wander in order to cement that learning and sort of lock it in. And if we don't give kids any time that's downtime to have their minds wander and be a little spacey, they're not going to be able to anchor in that learning as effectively as they might otherwise.Amanda: Well, I will say that as a parent of kids who have ADHD, I have often been the parent who was like, you don't have to go do your homework right away. And I know that that's sort of antithetical to like all what a lot of people say. You know, come home from school, do your homework, get it done, then do your other stuff. But my kids weren't ready to. They needed that time to sort of breathe or let their brains breathe or whatever they needed to do. We can have the homework station all put together, but it doesn't mean we have to put the kid at the homework station the minute they walk in the door.Gretchen: Right.Brendan: Right. And how much of that is coming from your own anxiety?Gretchen: Just get it done, man. Go to that seat and do it, right?Amanda: OK, so what's the conversation sound like if I am trying to get my kid in the game, get their head in the game, and not put my anxiety on them? What's that conversation sound like?Brendan: A lot of that conversation is happening inside of you and doesn't need to be shared with them, right? Like, because you got to work on your own stuff before you can have this conversation. You have to figure out what is it about, in this case, homework, and doing it as soon as I get home, or is having my kid do it as soon as they get home. What is it about that that makes it so important to me? It might be that transitions with your kid are wicked hard and you don't want to have another transition. You don't want to have to battle them to come and do homework at 5:00. So it's easier to avoid that battle because they're kind of still in school academic mode. So you can at least get them into it better.And that might be because you're doing it wrong in terms of what activities you're having them do before they do homework. Screen time is not a plan before homework, unless you know you can trust your kid to pull out of that screen and go into homework. If there's ever a battle around getting out of screen time, then they need to do something else before they do their homework.Gretchen: Yeah. That brings me to a related question, Brendan, which is sometimes kids have it together executive function wise, especially when they love something, right? But when they don't like something, all of a sudden I see the skills go away. And I wonder, OK, are they struggling or is it that they're just choosing to not have those skills in that moment because they don't want that for that thing?Brendan: When we're talking about kids, it is never useful to decide that they're choosing to not do or do anything. Because all that does is vilify the kid and make us, as parents, feel more justified in being meaner to them. Instead, we always want to assume that our kid is doing the best they can. And we always want to assume that they are trying to do well and want to please us. Those are my fundamental assumptions at all times. And have I screwed up? Yes. There was a period of time when my kid was struggling, like a lot of kids right now. Post-COVID, there's a lot of anxiety stuff going on with kids.My kid is one of them, man. And I was wrapped up in my own anxiety as a result of his anxiety, and I wasn't thinking as clearly. And we started battling. And we had one particular rough battle that my wife got caught in and I sat down on a bed. I can still see it. I can see myself sitting on the bed and going, I'm doing it wrong. Like we should not be battling. This is not the relationship I've had with my kid for the last 13 years. What am I doing wrong?And I literally went through in my head the slides of the parent groups that I run. And I hit this one slide that is like everyone is doing the best they can. Your kids want to please you. They want to succeed. And if those things don't feel true, it's because there's a skill set that's missing or there's a resource that they don't have that they need. And I was like, he's doing his best, and his best is not up to my standards. And that's because something else is going on. I knew what that something else was. It was the anxiety stuff that's going on. And I was just like, oh, the skill set that he's missing is the anxiety management skills that he needs.But it wasn't that he couldn't do the stuff that I want him to do. It was that he couldn't manage his anxiety. And the only reason I started banging heads with him was because I was so anxious that I couldn't bring the skills that I usually have to bear to navigate the challenges that he was facing and help him out. So it makes sense. It happened to both of us at the same time, and that's why we were banging heads. And our relationship changed from that day forward.Amanda: I'm going to push, though, a little bit, because I really I'm super curious about the kids who say to us, like, I'm just not feeling it. Like, is there something below that, you think?Brendan: What's below when you're not feeling it? Like there's times when we're not feeling it either, right? And there's something below that, too. Sometimes it's I haven't slept well for a week, and I'm just done. I don't have the mental capacity to do this. Sometimes it's I haven't moved my body in like a month and a half and that's affecting my get-up-and-go. Sometimes it's I'm chock-full of anxiety because someone in my house has a chronic illness or I'm afraid of COVID or or my parents are getting divorced or whatever, right?There's all kinds of reasons why kids might not feel it. And if they say, I'm just not feeling it, there's two really good responses. One is cool, then you don't have to do it. Like figure out when you can. Give me an idea when you might be able to do this, and we'll do it then. The other answer is, I totally hear you that you're not feeling it and I get it. I can tell that you're not feeling it, but unfortunately you still got to do it. How can I help you get this done?Gretchen: I like that language.You brought up not wanting to battle your child and none of us want to battle our child. But in thinking about going back to school, we might be getting feelings from last year of oh my gosh, the backpack was so disorganized. Oh my gosh, why didn't you bring home your homework assignments? So how can we start off the year better, but get some of those basic skills under control?Brendan: So I have some videos on "How to ADHD," Jessica McCabe's YouTube channel, on my Wall of Awful model. That is exactly what we're talking about right now. The idea behind the Wall of Awful is that — I'll do like a two-second thing. Watch the video. It's like 14 minutes of your life. The gist of the Wall of Awful is that, like, we have certain stuff that we do that we fail at or struggle with. And as a result, we get these negative emotions built up around that task. And we have to navigate those negative emotions before we can do the thing.So if we've battled with our kid about school a lot, as school comes back up, we have a Wall of Awful for navigating school as much as they do. So we get in a fight and argue about stuff. Just put your shoes on, or whatever. And sometimes it's that petty, right? Like we're yelling at our kid to put their shoes on, even though they have 10 minutes before they even have to get on the bus. And it's not about the shoes. It's about all of the battles we've had about school for the last seven years or whatever.So to get ahead of that, talk to your kids before school starts about how you have conflict when school starts. And ask them, like, what do you notice about this conflict? What do you need for me to help avoid this conflict? Or this is what I need from you to help avoid this conflict. What do you need from me to help give me what I need, right?Because that's what parenting boils down to. Parenting boils down to what does my kid need from me in order to be better? So whenever I have a conflict with my kid or my kid is struggling, I'm always asking them, like, what do you need from me? And sometimes what they need from me is for me to intentionally give them nothing so that they can figure it out on their own. Sometimes that's what I'm giving, is like independence.But if that doesn't work, I need to be ready, like a safety net with, like, other stuff, right? Like, oh, you also need me to, like, bust out a timer and remind you that those are useful. Or break this task into smaller, more manageable chunks. Or, as I had to do for one of my kids recently, text the dad of one of their friends that he wanted to hang out with, because he just didn't have it in him to text his friend. And we had that conversation. I was like, cool, then I'll text the dad. Not a big deal.Amanda: Sometimes my kid doesn't know. My kid's like I don't know what I need from you. So as parents, having those examples of what you can then say: Is it this? Is it this? Is it this? What else would you add to that list?Brendan: First I would add if the kid says "I don't know," say to them, "You don't need to know. I don't want the answer to this question right now. I can, like, take a few hours, take a day." Because when we put a kid on the spot, anxiety spikes, executive functions shut down. They don't know. But if we give them some thinking time and some grace, then they can come back later and tell us stuff. Or maybe not. Maybe they come back an hour later and they're like, I still have no idea.Then we start giving them examples — examples that are informed by what we already know about our kid. Do you need me to get some timers? Do you want to sit down with me and I can body-double you while you work on this? I got some knitting to do, or I have to pay the bills. Like we can sit at the kitchen table, you can work on your thing, I can work on my thing. Do you want help breaking this down into small, manageable chunks? I know sometimes you struggle with that a little bit. Would it be useful to maybe call up Sally and have Sally come over or do a Zoom with you and you guys can work on this together? Would that be helpful? Like, and something else that you thought of, because I am running out of ideas? Like, what do you think?Amanda: So we're all about executive functioning today, which always includes time management. And Brendan, I know you said you had somewhere to be. So I just want to thank you so much for sharing all of these insights and advice with us today.Gretchen: Yes, thank you so much, Brendan. So much for us to think about.Brendan: Thank you for having me.Gretchen: Brendan has lots more to share with families who are working on building their executive function skills. Go to ADHDEssentials.com. That's where you can also find his "ADHD Essentials" podcast.Amanda: You've been listening to "In It" from the Understood Podcast Network.Gretchen: This show is for you. So we want to make sure you're getting what you need. Email us at init@understood.org to share your thoughts. We love hearing from you.Amanda: If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include resources as well as links to anything we mentioned in the episode.Gretchen: Understood.org is a resource dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently discover their potential and thrive. Learn more at Understood.org/mission.Amanda: "In It" is produced by Julie Subrin. Briana Berry is our production director. Justin D. Wright mixes the show. Mike Errico wrote our theme music. For the Understood Podcast Network, Laura Key is our editorial director, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, and Seth Melnick is our executive producer.Gretchen: Thanks for listening and for always being in it with us.

  • ADHD Aha!

    “I thought I was just quirky.” Plus, ADHD accommodations at work (Mananya’s story)

    Mananya Komorowski thought she was just a quirky leader. Then her grief counselor recommended she get tested for ADHD.Executive Mananya Komorowski has been described as “brilliant but chaotic” and “unlike any other executive.” Mananya thought she was just quirky, until she found out she has ADHD.Over the last few years, Mananya has experienced a lot of loss. A number of her loved ones have died. To cope, she’d set her emotions aside and hyperfocus on work. Then her grief counselor recommended an ADHD test. Now, she’s making space to process her feelings. And she’s thinking a lot about ADHD accommodations at work — especially in high-stress executive roles.Related resourcesADHD and emotionsUnderstanding hyperactivity32 examples of workplace accommodationsEpisode transcriptMananya: I thought that people were seeing me as quirky and hyperactive and just fun. Did not realize that people may have seen me differently. Then I got emotional also because how have I gotten to this place at the age of 41 as an executive? It meant probably that I have overdone myself and exhausted myself to get to this point.Laura: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "ADHD Aha!," a podcast where people share the moment when it finally clicked that they or someone they know has ADHD. My name is Laura Key. I'm the editorial director here at Understood, and as someone who's had my own ADHD "aha" moment, I'll be your host.I am here today with Mananya Komorowski. Mananya is a celebrity, an influencer executive, and a mental health and wellness advocate. Welcome, Mananya.Mananya: Hi, thank you!Laura: I'm so glad you're here today. Can you please explain to our listeners what is a celebrity and influencer executive? Absolutely.Mananya: I get that question a lot. I think my husband probably still wondering what I do for a living. So, truly what it means is I match major brands with celebrities and influencers in the space. So, it could be any sort of celebrities, whether is musicians, artists or film influencers. It could be TikTokers, YouTubers or thought leaders with major brands in terms of what they want to do online.Laura: Very cool. And I think I know that you probably won't say this about yourself, but I know that you're kind of a big deal in this space.Mananya: Well, it's nice to hear that I may be seen as one. But I will say this, I am an OG in the space. I've actually been an influencer on celebrity marketing for about sixteen years now. And influencer marketing was new sixteen years ago, and I got right into it at the start. It was born out of PR and social media and I did not think I was going to be on this ride to this very day.Laura: So, let's talk about ADHD, Mananya. This is the ADHD Aha! podcast. We want to know about, number one, when were you diagnosed with ADHD?Mananya: About four months ago at most. So, this is a new journey for me and a surprising one. So, the "aha" was no more than four months ago.Laura: Tell me about that "aha." And welcome to our ADHD community, by the way.Mananya: Thank you, thank you. I'm learning so much about the community, but also of course, I'm learning so much about myself. I have a lot of "aha" moments throughout the entire day, but the moment it really happened was I had honestly seven close deaths in five years and three major caretaking. And still to this very day, I'm doing one major one, tag teaming with my husband. But I was informed that I may have ADHD by my grief counselor. So the latest unfortunate death of a close, close friend, almost a sister to me, happened six months ago, and it was the first time that I felt like my brain was a bit foggy.And I have always been highly productive, highly on the go without any sort of qualms about it, right? But when I was talking to my grief counselor, within that first hour, she asked me if I've ever been diagnosed with ADHD. And I actually just asked her, I said, "Is it because I talk too fast? Is it because I keep putting things in the parking lot?" And what I mean by parking lot is that, like I have so many things happening in my mind that I'm always afraid I'm going to miss a topic or a point. And so, I'll put things in the parking lot, and then I'll reverse the car when I need to talk about that particular topic. And I just thought that was normal in terms of my pace and speed in which I talk and think. And she said, "No, it's just not about the parking lot. I just feel you may just need to see a psychiatrist."Laura: She didn't give you any more than that? I'm sorry to interrupt you, she didn't give you any more specifics?Mananya: No.Laura: I'm asking because I also know that people with ADHD can struggle with grief in different ways than other people, or sometimes more intensely because of the innate kind of ADHD challenges that they face around managing emotions and impulse control, etc. So, I was just wondering if she had mentioned anything specifically to you. It sounds like no.Mananya: We're uncovering that right now in our six-month relationship together. But within that first hour, we didn't go further and she didn't push me at all. And it made me curious enough, shall we say, in terms of the ADHD, that she was actually putting a label or name to something, in which I've always just thought it was a personality. Everyone has quirky personalities, right? I just happen to be quirky and hyperactive. And I sought out a psychiatrist and that was a pretty emotional experience for me.My psychiatrist gave me a series of questions as an assessment. This particular assessment, it was ranked from one through ten, one being low frequency, ten being often, with a special answer, which is you could also say this is the way it's always been. So, one through ten or this is the way it's always been. And within four questions, he looked up at me and said, "We're going to continue for 25 minutes. But I can already tell you you have severe ADHD combined type one." Didn't know what that meant, and I just proceeded to continue. And by maybe the sixth question, I paused him and I said, "Wait, hold on, wait a minute. Why did you just say that? How did you know already?".Laura: Yeah.Mananya: And he said, "Because every single answer you've answered so far has been 'This is the way it's always been.'" And I asked him, "So you mean to tell me that the six questions you've asked me others answered differently? Then this is the way it's always been?".Laura: Wow.Mananya: But yeah, so we went through the entire 25 minutes and all of my answers were "This is the way it's always been." And that is when I started getting emotional.Laura: Why do you think you were emotional?Mananya: That was the moment I realized I thought that people were seeing me as quirky and hyperactive and just fun. Did not realize that people may have seen me differently. Then I got emotional also because how have I gotten to this place at the age of 41 as an executive? It meant probably that I have overdone myself and exhausted myself to get to this point.Laura: The coping with grief.Mananya: Yes.Laura: It's not a topic that we've touched on on this show, and you're certainly the first person who I've had on whose "aha" moment came from a grief counselor, which I'm very grateful to, this wonderful grief counselor that you have. Yeah, coping with grief is harder when you have ADHD.Mananya: This latest particular grief gave me that "aha" moment in a way that I did not expect because I just thought I was going to go to the next grief, the next challenge, right? But coping with grief, now knowing my diagnosis, has allowed me to stop and actually grief. Because I promise you, if I did not get the ADHD assessment and saw it on paper, that neurologically my brain just, is always on the go, I would not have walked away from an amazing job. My company as much as many corporate entities, when you have such a special relationship with them, they will give you all the time you need. I didn't want anything to hang over me. I needed for me to just grieve because I know medicated or not, my ADHD was going to get me back to something else immediately.Laura: So, not allowing yourself the time to actually grieve because your brain is moving so fast that you couldn't stick with the grief. Is that what you're saying?Mananya: Yes. So, I'm blessed to have a partner that's very supportive and a great company I've been with for so many years and professional network that all pretty much by now all probably know that I'm taking care of me. It's really interesting because some of the most highest executives have commended me openly and personally about taking what I call 'press pause.' And I'm proud of myself, too, because, again, my behavior and routine is just go to the next PowerPoint deck. Just go to the next pitch, right? So, that's how the "aha" moment has changed me during grief this time around is I'm actually allowing myself to wake up late this morning, to cry if I want to, so I don't have to like, hide it on a Teams call.Laura: And what do you think might have happened if you hadn't done that? Like, how would the grief have come out?Mananya: I would have continued to kill it, but it would have taken a toll on my body. I'm also reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score.Laura: I've heard of that. Yeah.Mananya: And I'm also learning that your brain, of course, is tied to many other things. But we don't think about that. We think of our organs as separate entities. I think I would have done continued back pains. I think that I would have continued to maybe breathe faster. My heart's beating faster and I wouldn't even know it. So, I think that my body would have just given me signals eventually, but I would have still, because ADHD folks are pretty freaking smart, when they'd know how to do something, they do it well. They just keep on doing regardless of anything, right? I wouldn't have failed at that, but I think my body would have failed me.Laura: Right. Sounds like you probably would have burned out because you would have been hyperfocusing on anything you could cling to. It sounds like.Mananya: Yes.Laura: And then jumping from one to another. It's really hard when you have ADHD. I'm speaking from my own experience to just sit with how you feel. Isn't it?Mananya: We don't often sit with how we feel.Laura: Yeah.Mananya: Especially when we have roles in society: a mother, an aunt, a wife, a partner, a teacher.Laura: You were talking about how others might be perceiving you as different than the way that you viewed yourself is. Was it about that? Were you getting feedback from other people that you weren't, or was it really that you had a new conception of yourself maybe?Mananya: The latter, yeah. And I've never seen quirky and hyperactive and being all over the place and putting too many cars in the parking lot is a bad thing. But then I started to realize, "Wait a minute, how does the world see me? Am I damaged goods?" Now that we're putting a title or label on things, I was just kind of shocked, I guess, that one: I also have such loving friends and colleagues that may have known, but have either adapted to me, have catered to me, or have just accepted me as I am. And don't forget, I've led North America teams. So, that means that I manage a lot of also executives under me and also all the way down to like the new generation. And so, how I show up, I start to think, "Wow, bless them too."Laura: Do you think that they knew that about you or have you been masking?Mananya: Absolutely. Because as soon as I received my confirmation, my husband started smiling. I said, "Wait a minute, you knew?" And he goes, "Mananya, of course." My closest colleagues and co-executives, oh, yeah, they all knew. My team under me, all the way down to the new generation, "Wait a minute. You didn't know?". One of the stories when I had approached my close network, right? with this, one of them said, "Mananya, do you not recall how when you just hired me and we had our first one on one, you said to me you don't believe in multitasking? Yes, that's correct. I believe that you should focus on one thing at a time. Give it all you've got." She goes "But you had your Beats headphones on while vacuuming on Kuma with me." I said, "So, what about it?" She goes, "Mananya, I'm your new employee. You don't believe in multitasking and you're vacuuming with headphones." I said "Oh, that's a good example. Yeah."Laura: That is a great example. However, I wonder, because I acknowledge that you're very new to getting this diagnosis, right? So, I imagine the emotions are just all over the place, right? You're getting this feedback from your husband, from your colleagues that they knew.Mananya: Yes.Laura: Do you think that they're viewing that as a bad thing, a neutral thing, a good thing? Like, what's your perception of that, and do you care?Mananya: I, you know because I have a couple of sets of parents, but she laughed and she said, "Of course you are." But she's from the Thai culture. So, ADHD and cognitive behaviors amongst many things are not often discussed or recognized at all. But my mom is a trendsetter. She knew what that meant, ADHD. And she just laughed and said, "Well, why do you think I've always said since you were young that you're hyperactive, hyperactive, and Thai culture equals ADHD I guess.Laura: If you look back, do you remember experiencing signs of ADHD growing up? And if so, what were they?Mananya: Did not see any signs outside of my life mother saying I've always been hyperactive, my husband saying I'm quirky, my friends love me because of it and my colleagues saying I'm brilliant but chaotic. Well, whatever. So, we grieve, right? When we find these "aha" moments because we're like, "Wait, who are we? Are we like not ourselves? What was our old self then? How are we just finding out right now at 25, 22 or 41 in my case?".And I say life mother because I have a pretty traumatic childhood and therefore I was often abandoned, and my life mother unfortunately wasn't with me past the age of eight. And also that was when I was in Thailand. Again, different cultures don't see things like this as an issue. They try to almost knock the ADHD out of you sometimes, too. And so, after the age of eight, I was placed into a home with my biological parents and unfortunately, they abandoned me pretty often. And so, no one was around as an adult to be able to see me grow since the age of eight. And so, no constant adult to take me to a doctor, no parental unit to see my personality change or my focus change over time, no parents to really notice my grades failing at a certain point. And that's why. I didn't see it until now. And the grief helped resurface something that was truly hidden.Laura: When did you come to the United States as a child?Mananya: I came to United States at the age of eight.Laura: At eight, OK. So that was at age eight. OK, so yeah, that, yeah English language learners and then untangling things like ADHD or learning disabilities from that, that's very tricky.Mananya: Yes. Yes.Laura: Yeah.Mananya: I mean, I came at eight and constantly had to be in survival mode, right? And so, therefore, that is what I truly believe attributed me to building a life for myself professionally here, which is you ain't got other options. You got to do do do, you got to win win win.Laura: People have described you, I think if I remember correctly from the last time we chatted, as unlike any other executive.Mananya: Yes.Laura: What is it about you and how has ADHD manifested for you at work? You know, what do you remember from even pre-diagnosis?Mananya: Fearlessness? I do have friends and colleagues still that say, "Are you sure you only got ADHD girl? You think have something else too? Because sometimes you say things that everyone's thinking, but we just don't say it."Laura: So, if that's ADHD.Mananya: Yes. I guess that's what that is, yes.Laura: Right.Mananya: I would say that I do have a sense of fearlessness and that probably as a female and as a BIPOC, it probably catapulted me further in my career and faster just because I don't often hold back in which I've learned through the years that I have to learn how to hold back a little bit, too, to ensure that I'm reading the room and understanding social cues and social norms. But in the world that I work in, it's also good to be unique, right? You have to be a trendsetter to really understand what's next before people know what's coming. And so, I take some of these, like clairvoyance superpowers of mine to be able to predict "Y'all, I know it won't make sense right now. Just trust me on this. I'm seeing, you know, the forest through the trees. Y'all are still in the shrubs. Just trust me." So, I'm also, I think, great in a room, too. And clients love that energy.Laura: What maybe have you struggled with at your job when it comes to ADHD? And then let's talk about if you can even accommodate for that sort of thing in your role.Mananya: So, I think that ADHD and accommodations in the workplace in corporate America is still very new, right? And it's so unique per person. So, that's still a journey that I'm hoping to discover and continue conversations, which is what does accommodations for ADHD look like in today's society in corporate America? But what I have had some challenges in is that in my world of Ad PR agency, it is so high paced, it is high volume. And so, when you have to code switch constantly in meetings between 15 different clients you work with and masking, you tend to get exhausted and maybe a little bit faster than some.And the uniqueness for me in addition is that I'm ESL. English is not my first language. And the culture, even though I'm very Americanized, my processing of my brain pre-knowing about ADHD was already having to translate everything. So, we talk about working in an agency setting. You're working with a pharma client, you're working with a food client, imagine the set of languages and content and information you have to constantly switch to and from. You're working with consumer clients, and then you're working with more conservative clients. Your language also has to change too, often. So it's been something I've excelled at. But that's when I realized, especially tying back to the trauma I face as far as constant losses and stuff like that, is sometimes you just cope and you have insane defense mechanism and you just have survival skills like no other.And I think that individuals with ADHD, you could fall into having high anxiety and depression because you feel like you can't do it all. Or you could be opposite of me, which is I have zero disclose depression and zero disclose anxiey, because we also took those tests because I'm so severe, that my psychiatrist was shocked. Each time I see him monthly, he said, "I think we need to take that test again. I really want to make sure." I said, "Doc, I'm 41, I'm 41. I think like I've just learned how to survive.Laura: Let's talk about that some more because that's such an interesting point and one that — if I'm being honest, I've been thinking about a lot lately with my own therapist and talking about how exhausted I feel and even the code-switching that I'll do between like doing an interview like this and then managing a team, just like going back and forth, like have a little vulnerability hangover, and then I move on and I'm talking about budgets, you know, that kind of thing. So, I'm assuming in your line of work, you don't have the luxury of only working with one client per day, right?Mananya: Correct.Laura: You can't only get to talk to that food Client. Yeah.Mananya: Yeah.Laura: So, you're constantly switching gears, like that's a lot of executive functioning load on you all the time, right?Mananya: That's correct, yes. You just have to keep on going. And those are some of the accommodations that I think that executives probably will need in the future, which is like the recovery time, the support for executive functioning.Laura: I want to hear more about that because that's really interesting. I think that's kind of groundbreaking to think about what are possible accommodations for people at this executive level like this recovery time.Mananya: Yeah.Laura: I do that after these interviews. I always schedule a half an hour in between my meetings, but I proactively do that and someone could very easily just schedule over that, right? I try to avoid that, but like I don't have a formal accommodation in place to allow for that. Do you have other ideas of other types of...Mananya: Yeah, and those are things that I don't think, well, I mean, it definitely doesn't exist yet, right? There's no template for it yet because how often do you see executives like me or see levels that could have that large seat at the table to open up this conversation? And that's why I'm doing this podcast interview, is because I want to have people start to think that ADHD is not just with kids between 3 to 5 and then the newer generation. There are folks like us that are like the boomers and the Gen X or whatnot that have it.So, I would say that some of the things I've learned I will continue to fight for is recovery time, right? And every single industry looks different. But if you're doing a lot of presentations, is it just saying, "You know what, between every single presentation, I need at least the rest of the day to have not one," or if you're doing major patches, is that they you restrict it to only two per month, right? But again, this is why it's so hard to kind of put some sort of rigor and process around it because every single organization is different. So, I think that is the responsibility of each company when they're doing DEAI programs.Laura: Diversity, equity and inclusion.Mananya: Yeah, they need to really think about neurodiversity as its own entity. And how do we not just get together and talk about it at these employee groups or business resource groups, but how do we change policies within each company? Because each company has to really take a look and take stock of their employees and the wellness of their employees. From a DEAI standpoint, DNI, I believe still, which is important, focuses on race, culture, gender, and things like that. Again, very important that we've really sparked a lot of conversations, and within the past five years. But let's add neurodiversity to that, too.Laura: Yeah. So, what's next for you, Mananya? Your new on your ADHD journey.Mananya: Yes.Laura: You're still grieving.Mananya: Yes, I'm still grieving. But, you know, I think that humans grieve and challenges doesn't just come one time, two times and stops, right? We have to learn how to kind of adapt to it. It's just part of life. But really knowing and listening to yourself to go like, wait a minute, this time around is a little different. Let's give ourselves some grace and do some self-care and love. And I don't mean self-care, just like getting massages. Self-care is also knowing to make some compromises in your life so that your heart and your brain, your body is just one.So, given that I love what I do as a career, I'm still dabbling in terms of doing some projects because I think that it's really important for me even medicated to be able to not just go cold turkey, shall we say, like kind of like slowly take a back seat eventually over time. So, I'm still learning. I'm doing a lot of new cues now. So, learning new things such as Mananya, all right,  write things down more? Mananya, like maybe like don't have 500 outstanding text messages. When you get a new one answer right away. So, just like learning a lot of these new executive functions, to be honest with you.Laura: Mananya, I'm so glad that you reached out to me and to Understood.org, and I'm just grateful that you came on the show today.Mananya: Thank you for having me. Thank you to the listeners for taking the time to hear my story out. It's definitely an honor. And but more than anything, thank you for supporting and being a part of this organization, I think is such an important organization and the mission and what you're doing. I think there's a lot of work to be done and coming from where I sit, which is corporate America, I really want Understood.org to really like tap in to that and continue to break through in those conversations.I think that the newer generation, even though it is hard for all of us to be neurodivergent, they have a very supportive community and you know, it's not stigmatized for them to talk about it. But like for all of the ones that are older, you know, we see you and I really do hope that individuals don't burn themself out and they start to take stock of their life, too, and go, "What's happening? Do I need to take a pause? And what does that look like?" But then again, that goes back to having organizations like you to kind of bring that sort of integrity into what you're supporting and in doing is going to help move the needle a lot, I think, in corporate America.Laura: Thank you so much Mananya, I appreciate it.Mananya: Thank you.Laura: You've been listening to "ADHD Aha!" from the Understood Podcast Network. If you want to share your own "aha" moment, email us at ADHDAha@understood.org. I'd love to hear from you. If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include more resources as well as links to anything we mentioned in the episode. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently discover their potential and thrive. We have no affiliation with pharmaceutical companies. Learn more at Understood.org/mission."ADHD Aha!" is produced by Jessamine Molli. Say hi, Jessamine!Jessamine: Hi, everyone.Laura: Briana Berry is our production director. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. For the Understood Podcast Network, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, Seth Melnick is our executive producer, and I'm your host, Laura Key. Thanks so much for listening. 

  • What is self-control?

    Self-control is part of a group of skills that allow kids and adults to manage their thoughts, actions, and emotions so they can get things done. Experts call this group of skills executive function.Sitting still, waiting in line, taking turns — we all use self-control in ways that may seem simple. But self-control is a complex skill that develops over time. Kids start building self-control when they’re very young and keep developing it into their 20s.As kids get older, they develop self-control in three areas:Movement control so kids aren’t constantly moving in inappropriate ways (called hyperactivity)Impulse control so kids put on “mental brakes” and stop and think before doing or saying somethingEmotional control so kids can keep going even when upsetting or unexpected things happenHaving self-control helps kids in all areas of life. But it’s especially important when it comes to socializing. Being in control of their actions and reactions helps kids fit in and make friends. 

  • ADHD Aha!

    Diagnosed with ADHD during the pandemic (Scott’s story)

    Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult during the pandemic helped Scott make sense of his childhood. Hear about his “light bulb” moment. Sometimes ADHD only makes sense in hindsight — like when you find out who the killer is in a murder mystery. During the pandemic, actor Scott Watson’s trouble with focus hit a tipping point and made him wonder if he had ADHD. Once he got diagnosed — and after stumbling across a handy acronym — he could see how ADHD had impacted him his whole life. Host Laura Key talks with Scott about his executive function skills, ADHD medication, and the pros and cons of hyperfocus.Related content What is executive function?All about ADHD medicationADHD and hyperfocusEpisode transcriptScott: I had my "aha" moment in 2020, when I was sitting at home trying to work remotely. And I just couldn't do it. It was something that wasn't hard. Something I've done before should not be a challenge. The idea of doing the task was just so monumentally daunting that I would just sit in front of my computer and avoid it for hours. And it was like, "Why can't I focus?" No matter how much coffee I drank or how many jumping jacks I do. So, yeah, I think the pandemic was really the moment where I was like, I need to do something.Laura: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "ADHD Aha," a podcast where people share the moment when it finally clicked that they or someone they know has ADHD. My name is Laura Key. I'm the editorial director here at Understood. And as someone who's had my own ADHD "aha" moment, I'll be your host.I'm here today with Scott Watson. Scott is an actor who lives in Brooklyn, New York, and he has ADHD. Welcome, Scott.Scott: Hey, how's it going?Laura: Great. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. Let's jump right in. Tell me about your "aha" moment. When did you realize that you had ADHD, and how did you realize that?Scott: Like a flashbulb moment. It's hard, cause it's kind of like a movie where you find out who the killer is at the end, and then you go back through the whole movie and you're like, "Ah, of course it was that guy — look at all the clues." And that's our lives. When we find out we have ADHD, it's "Oh yeah, that makes total sense."But, yeah, I think the pandemic really was a big key. And for me, I was recently formally diagnosed this year. And I had been working from home and I just could not focus on getting the work done that needed to be done. And that just started to bring up a lot of things my entire life, where I was struggling to do things like this, that I've done a million times, that are not challenging, but I just have no interest or ability to do them.And I started doing some research, and then I came across this acronym on the internet that was incredibly helpful to me and was eye-opening, which was ICNU, which is interest, challenge, novelty, and urgency. And if a task does not fall into this category, for people with ADHD, those are the tasks that our brain struggles with the absolute most to complete.It was just such a light bulb moment of that acronym, because it was like, "That a thousand percent defines every test that I struggled with in my life." A lot of things started to break through with that realization.Laura: I really relate to that, especially what you say about looking back. It's like you struggled for so long and then finally it clicks and you look back and you're like, "Oh, I get it now."I think you said that you're from Michigan, is that right?Scott: I am, yeah.Laura: I'm from Ohio. So, from the same area. I know we're supposed to be enemies.Scott: Bitter rivals!Laura: But when you look back at growing up, as a kid in Michigan, can you pinpoint times when you were struggling and you're like, "Oh yeah, that was the ADHD that whole time."Scott: All the time.Laura: Tell me about them.Scott: ADHD can kick in at any time, but just being a kid, it's a lot easier to kind of ignore because kids are kids. They're impulsive, they're creative, they're full of energy, things like that. But I just remember around third or fourth grade, stuff that was so easy for me stopped being easy.And I went from breezing through A's and my grades to suddenly just not doing my homework. Coming home, being like, "OK, I need to do this — I need to do this math homework," setting it aside, and then, before I knew it, it was 10 p.m. and the homework was not done. That inability to focus on getting that done just continued to snowball through middle school and high school.And I think like a lot of people with ADHD, I'm no Mensa member, but I'm not dumb! But it was so frustrating to know that I had the capability to get this stuff done but I just wasn't. And that leads to all sorts of self-loathing, depression, all sorts of things. But, yeah, with the diagnosis, just looking back, especially in college, too, even though I got a theater degree — so, I was on my feet pretending to be a bird, so that was a lot easier for my ADHD brain — but just, like, the gen-ed subjects, it was the same thing. I just couldn't write a paper about cultural anthropology. It just didn't happen.Laura: It's not interesting enough for you.Scott: Yeah, it just didn't check the boxes. And that was the other thing. Occasionally, there would be assignments in school, like, in fourth grade I drew every single United States president, because I realized that I didn't know the names of all the presidents. So I did an incredible amount of research into who they were. I drew a portrait of every single one of them. This was not for an assignment. This was just me going down something that caught my hyperfocus. And I spent weeks and weeks and weeks on that while my homework just built up slowly beside me, and my parents were like, "This is great, so happy you're so excited about this, but, you know, your math homework is not done."Laura: Yeah. And I'm not surprised to hear you say that around third and fourth grade was a really telling moment for you. That's around the time in school when assignments start to get trickier, you have more to manage, and that's where that executive functioning difficulty comes in that you're referencing.A lot of people get confused about hyperfocus. They think, "OK, you have ADHD. So how are you able to hyperfocus on things that are so interesting to you, but you can't focus on other things." And what a lot of people don't understand is that ADHD can make it hard for you to shift your attention to something. It can also make it really hard for you to shift your attention away from something. And that's where the hyperfocus comes in. Do you use hyperfocus to your advantage right now in your life? Or is it a detriment ever? Talk to me about that.Scott: Yeah, it seemed to be, back in the day. It was many years before I realized that that's what happened.I've always liked to write. That was always something that I was passionate about. And that hyperfocus would click in when I was writing sometimes. And I knew after a while that I had to sit at my computer and chain myself to my chair and just kind of wait for that to happen. And sometimes it didn't, and it was so frustrating.It was like being Superman and only shooting lasers out of your eyes every fifth time. You just never know when it was going to click in. But when I saw that acronym — interest, challenge, novelty, and urgency — all of a sudden, a lot of things started to make more sense.It was like, OK, what helps me write? A deadline. And what do I like to write about? Things that I don't necessarily know about. So then there's the interest, drawing in, doing all this research; challenge, trying to do something I've never done before; and novelty of just writing something new. And that's what I've always really loved. I loved the first draft, getting it all out there.The second and third draft, no, not really. So, there's like 36 stories that are unfinished on my Google Drive.Laura: What you say about needing to basically chain yourself to a chair in order to get something done, it really reminds me of something that I heard from one of our experts. His name is Tom Brown, and I heard him say something like this before I got diagnosed, and it really stuck with me. And I'm paraphrasing here, but he said something along the lines of, you know, in order for someone with ADHD to really focus on something that they don't care about that much, that they're not interested in, it's almost like you have to have a gun to their head. Which I know is a very dark way of putting it, but it feels so true. And it reminds me, oh, this is so real, right? This is legit. This difficulty.Scott: Absolutely. Urgency — with chores, with all these things, it would just reach a certain point where I would look around at my car or my room or the shattered remains of my life. And I would just be like, "Enough." And then I would clean for hours. Hours and hours and hours.So it was like, build up, build up, build up, build up, build up, until it was urgent. And then the hyperfocus would click in, and then I would clean obsessively. And then, you know, rather than just, like, maintaining that cleaning schedule, I would go back to the "OK, I'll just throw my stuff on the ground" until another month had passed and things had built up. It's so frustrating. Because you're like, "Why am I like this? I know what I need to do so that this doesn't happen, but I just don't do it."Laura: It's the way your brain is wired. Let's talk a little bit about — boredom isn't a symptom of ADHD, but it can be the result of ADHD and that need for stimulation. Did you experience a lot of boredom growing up? Did you ever get in trouble for seeming bored or daydreamy?Scott: Yeah, especially as I started to get older through middle school and high school, I would just cover my notebook in doodles and sketches and things like that. I remember sitting in geometry class in my sophomore year of high school, and every day it would be the choice of "I can try to listen and be here in class," and just like excruciating torture of that. "Or I can just escape into my head and draw pictures of, like, Homer Simpson riding a rocket."Laura: Based on what you're telling me, it sounds like hyperactivity wasn't the symptom that you struggled with, or at least not the most. Is that accurate?Scott: That's pretty accurate. That's hard to look at from my own personal perspective; I was definitely a very active kid, like, my brother and I would go outside and he would come back sparkling clean and I would come back just like Pigpen from Peanuts, just, like, covered head to toe in dirt somehow.Laura: Sounds fun.Scott: Yeah. It's fun. And I loved to run when I was a kid. So there was definitely, like, an excess of energy that I was siphoning off. But I do have fidgets with my legs and things like that, where I'll be sitting in one place and my leg will start going up and down or shaking and things like that. It's all totally unconscious. But as I've gotten older and, I think this is relatively common, the whole hyperactivity thing has faded away a bit.Laura: Right. Of the symptoms of ADHD, it's one of the ones that can subside maybe more than others do.Scott: Yeah. And I would say that one, if it was ever there, subsided pretty quickly, which added to the confusion, because that's the one that the ADHD diagnosis seems to be first and foremost for a lot of people or an easy indicator when you're young that this person might have ADHD is that they are just, like, bouncing off the walls.Laura: Exactly. While you may have had some excess energy and were a bit fidgety, it sounds like that wasn't your primary symptom, hyperactivity. We typically associate boys with ADHD as being hyperactive. So, it's interesting to me that that's not the thing that really came to the forefront for you. And also makes me wonder if the fact that hyperactivity wasn't your big symptom, do you feel like that's potentially why you flew under the radar for many years?Scott: Yeah, absolutely. And, also, you know, I was growing up in the '90s in a very small, small town. So, the kind of things where students can maybe get a little bit more of an individual focus or they're surrounded by other, like, neuro-atypical students. So they can be like, "Well, this person clearly kind of is a part of this group that we've seen before." I think the fact that I was able to maintain a certain level of grades, that I wasn't crashing until certain parts of high school, did allow me to fly under the radar.Laura: Does your family know now that you have ADHD?Scott: No. I haven't talked to my parents much about it, honestly. Not that they would be opposed to that diagnosis. But I think a lot of times with parents, there can be a certain amount of guilt that something could have been troubling their child as they were growing up and they missed it or didn't know. And that's not necessarily fair, because we know so much more about ADHD now than we did even 10 years ago.Laura: I really feel everything you're saying. I grew up in the Midwest in a relatively small town and, you're right, I mean, we have to be fair. There's a lot more information about it now. And I feel you — sometimes I don't want to talk about it with my family because I don't want them to feel bad about anything, that, like, they did anything wrong.But I do wonder sometimes, you know, maybe it would be helpful if I were more open about it with my family, because sometimes I notice them struggling with some of these symptoms too. And I don't think they're as aware of it as I am.Scott: Being diagnosed as an adult, you have built up strategies on your own without even realizing it to cope with ADHD if you're not specifically getting therapy for it or using medication. And for some people it's a completely debilitating thing, and they cannot function. And for other people it's more insidious or confusing, but, you know, you work up strategies to get stuff done. And it can be kind of hard, for example, if you see the symptoms of that in your parents and they're in their 70s, to be, like, "You know, would a diagnosis at that point be helpful, because you've lived your whole life with this?" And being diagnosed at 35, I would say it is helpful. Like how useful to have an answer for a lot of questions that you didn't even know that you necessarily had.Laura: What treatments or treatment or strategies do you use to manage your ADHD?Scott: The thing that I was most hesitant to do was to take medication. And I think that's why I put off getting a formal diagnosis for so long, was because the idea of taking medication to be normal was not a great thought for me. Because I thought, well, if I take medication every day to get to baseline, where does that leave me? But that was a bad way to look at that. That was just my own neuroses. So eventually I was like, well, what do I have to lose? I should try medication to see if it helped. And I did try a couple of different things. And then eventually I got on to a stimulant medication, a relatively lower dosage that was extended release.It was just a game changer. And it's hard to describe the difference between your brain before and your brain after. But I think it can kind of be described as like somebody who puts on those colorblind glasses for the first time and they don't even know what they're not seeing. And then all of a sudden they're like, "Red! Holy crap, that's red, and that's green!"And that was me going through my email inbox, just being like, "I can organize this. I didn't even read this email. We're putting labels on stuff. This is great." Or just, like, looking at the dishes and being like, "I'm going to do those right now." Or arriving early for an appointment — that was great.Laura: What's that about?Scott: I don't know. It's like, "I'm not an hour early or an hour late to this."Laura: Good on you. I know that there's this myth, it's really pernicious, that's out there that, like, using medication is a crutch. I think it takes a lot of bravery to use medication as a tool. Scott: Absolutely. And it is so unfair to say that medication is a crutch. I challenge anybody who wears glasses, who wears braces, who drives a car — because, by the way, we can't go 80 miles an hour with our legs. There are things that we do every day in our life that make our lives a little simpler.Laura: Scott, are you ever impulsive?Scott: Yes. Extremely.Laura: Are you comfortable giving me some examples of that?Scott: Oh, sure. I won't give you all the examples. What are, like, the two halves that it kind of falls on? There's impulsivity, and then there's hyperactivity.Laura: Impulsivity and hyperactivity often go hand in hand, yeah. But impulse control is an executive function.Scott: Right? Which I lack. Yeah. I mean, I was always, like — especially during college and high school — I was bad with money. I was bad with money. My first paycheck from my fast-food Subway job, I was like, "I'm getting a PlayStation 2; I'm getting a game." It was, like, any money that was in my account was there to be spent on the first thing that kind of caught my fancy.I would start collecting things, like I would get all into that. Like, I started just collecting old Nintendo games during college, out of nowhere. And then pretty soon I had 300, and then I lost all interest in it.Laura: Oh, man. That sounds really fun, though.Scott: It was very fun until the thrill went away, and then I just had 300 Nintendo video games.Laura: You could probably get a lot of money for those these days.Scott: Yeah, absolutely.Laura: If you have Bubble Bobble or Bubble Boggle or whatever, I would buy that for me. I love that game.Scott: Oh, yes, Bubble Bobble. That game is amazing.Laura: You're an actor. I know, from what I've read about you, you do a lot of physical acting. Is that right? You use your body a lot in your acting. Scott: Yeah, I've got training in theater, focus in Shakespeare. And what I love to do was always like, zany, crazy clown, or play like 36 different roles. Like this one has a limp, this one has an eyepatch. Or some commedia dell'arte clowning stuff. The physical part of it was always really so helpful because when I would reach for that energy that I needed for the performance, it was there. And being an actor kind of checks off that acronym again, especially the urgency and the novelty. If you're in a play, if you're in a commercial, TV show, film, every day is different, and it's always urgent because if you forget your lines or screw up a take, yeah, there's pressure. There's pressure whether there's, like, a Broadway house of 1,500 people looking at you or if there's 35 guys in cargo shorts just like "Get the take so we can go to lunch" kind of thing. Laura: Scott, tell me what you love most about your ADHD brain. Scott: I love how creative it can make me. And I love that feeling when I get excited about something and I'm in the zone. It's kind of like an out-of-body experience where I'm so focused. This especially happens when I'm writing, because I write plays and screenplays and stuff. But when I'm just, like, writing dialogue and two characters are talking to each other, it's like I'm there just watching them talk. And that ability to really zone in and kind of lose myself in the details, it's just an incredible experience. Laura: Well, thank you so much for being here with me today, Scott. I am so grateful for your candor, for your insights, and I just really relate to you on so many levels. Thank you so much for being a champion for people with ADHD. Scott: This was such a great experience. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to talk about it. And this is wonderful. Laura: You've been listening to "ADHD Aha," from the Understood Podcast Network. You can listen and subscribe to "ADHD Aha" on Apple, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And if you like what you heard today, tell someone about the show. We rely on listeners like you to reach and support more people. And if you want to share your own "aha" moment, email us at ADHDAha@understood.org. I'd love to hear from you. You can go to u.org/ADHDAha to find details on each episode and related resources. That's the letter U, as in Understood, dot O R G, slash ADHD Aha. Understood is a nonprofit and social impact organization. We have no affiliation with pharmaceutical companies. Learn more at understood.org/mission. "ADHD Aha" is produced by Jessamine Molli. Say hi, Jessamine.  Jessamine: Hi, everyone.  Laura: Justin D. Wright created our music. Seth Melnick and Briana Berry are our production directors. Scott Cocchiere is our creative director. And I'm your host, Laura Key, editorial director at Understood. Thanks so much for listening. 

  • A day in the life of a child with executive function challenges

    Meet Josh, a sixth-grader with executive function challenges. This doesn’t mean he isn’t smart. It means his brain’s self-management system has trouble getting organized and getting things done.Executive functions are an important set of mental skills. To see how trouble with these skills affects kids in school and outside of it too, take a look at a typical day in Josh’s life.7 a.m. Josh knows he’s forgetting something. Ah, that’s it — his cleats for today’s game. He runs back inside to get them, but he ends up leaving his backpack at home as he races to catch the bus. He sprints past the checklist his mom made to help him remember what he needs for school. But it’s too late: The bus is about to pull away. He’s going to miss it again….Challenges related to executive function: Organization, using working memory11 a.m. Josh’s teacher asks, “Who has a good answer to the first question I gave you yesterday about last night’s reading assignment?” Josh squirms, hoping he won’t be called on. He didn’t write the questions in his planner and has no idea how to answer them.Challenges related to executive function: Organization, focus1 p.m. It’s the best part of the school day: lunch! But Josh hogs the conversation, talking way too loud and too much about his video games. He doesn’t notice how annoyed his friends are getting.Challenges related to executive function: Keeping track of what you’re doing, self-control3 p.m. In soccer, Josh is so focused on getting the ball that he doesn’t keep in mind which direction he’s supposed to run once he gets it. He quickly heads for the nearest goal and kicks the ball — right into his own team’s net.Challenges related to executive function: Shifting focus, thinking flexibly 6 p.m. Josh isn’t happy when his mom tells him to turn off the TV and set the dinner table. When he thinks he’s done, his little sister tattles that once again he forgot to give each person a cup. Frustrated with his sister and with missing his TV show, Josh loses his cool and screams at her.Challenges related to executive function: Managing frustration, keeping emotions in check 8 p.m. After lots of prodding from his mom, Josh sits down to do his homework. But he doesn’t know where to start. Instead of doing the book report or the math problems that are due tomorrow, he surfs the web to find a topic for his science report that’s due next week. Then he takes a break to play a video game.Challenges related to executive function: Setting priorities, starting tasks 10 p.m. When Josh finally starts the book report, his mind keeps jumping from one thought to another. He can’t figure out what to write and only gets one sentence down on paper before he gives up for the night. He thinks he can do more on the way to school tomorrow — even though he’s never gotten anything done while riding the bus with his friends.Challenges related to executive function: Paying attention, staying on task, organizationMidnightIt’s way past his bedtime. Josh is exhausted. He tries to go to sleep, but he can’t shut off his brain. He keeps worrying about disappointing the teacher with his book report and getting teased by his teammates for kicking the ball into the wrong goal.Challenges related to executive function: Anxiety, keeping emotions in checkAbout executive functionMany kids who learn and think differently have trouble with executive function. All kids with ADHD struggle with it.These difficulties don’t mean kids aren’t smart. Brain differences make it hard for kids like Josh to focus, set goals, get started, and stay on task. This includes things like doing homework and daily routines.These kinds of struggles are often misunderstood. People might think kids are just being lazy or aren’t capable of doing more. But with the right support, kids with executive function challenges can thrive.There are lots of ways to help at home and in school. Support can help kids like Josh get organized and stay on top of assignments. It can also help them feel less stressed and more confident. Adapted from an NCLD infographic and the work of Thomas E. Brown, PhD.

  • Understood Explains Season 2

    Should I get tested for ADHD?

    Wondering if you have enough ADHD symptoms? If it’s worth the effort to get tested? Host Dr. Roberto Olivardia shares his own adult diagnosis story. Are you wondering if your ADHD symptoms are too mild to get tested? Or if there’s enough of a benefit to getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? Host Dr. Roberto Olivardia shares his own diagnosis story as he answers common questions about whether to get formally tested for ADHD as an adult:  Should I get tested for ADHD? [00:48]Can I diagnose myself with ADHD? [03:44]What else do I need to know if I think I might have ADHD? [05:17]Key takeaway, next episode, and credits [08:41]Related resourcesADHD symptoms at different agesWhat is executive function?ADHD and eating disordersADHD and substance abuse (Peach’s story) Episode transcriptYou’re listening to Season 2 of Understood Explains: ADHD Diagnosis in Adults.Today’s episode answers the question “Should I get tested for ADHD?”My name is Dr. Roberto Olivardia, and I’m a clinical psychologist with more than 20 years of experience evaluating people for things like ADHD. I’m also one of the millions of people who have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I’ll be your host.My goal here is to answer the most common questions about ADHD diagnosis. Along the way, you’ll learn a lot about ADHD in general. We’re going to do this quickly — in the next 10 or so minutes. So, let’s get to it.Should I get tested for ADHD? [00:48]You might be wondering if you have enough symptoms, or if there’s enough of a benefit, to go and get a formal diagnosis as an adult.To answer this question of “Should you get tested,” I’m going to make two predictions about you, based on the fact that you’re listening to a podcast about diagnosing ADHD in adults. I predict that, number 1, you’re an adult, and number 2, that you made it through childhood without being diagnosed with ADHD. And if I’m right, then you and I probably have a lot in common. I made it through many years of school without an ADHD diagnosis.    I was 35 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Up until then, I had been doing sort of OK, finding ways to cope with certain challenges and trying to avoid everything else that was hard for me. So I could have kept doing those things and still be a fairly successful adult. But I am so glad I got diagnosed, and here are four reasons why:First, soooooo many things make sense now about my childhood.Everything from my numerous sleep problems, like the massive effort it took me to shut my mind off at the end of the day, to the immense energy it took me to stay awake in Mr. Burke’s history class my junior year of high school. Second, my ADHD diagnosis has helped me understand what kinds of things I need to thrive at work.My favorite quick example here is fluorescent lighting. I finally understand why it drives me crazy and that if I’m going to get any work done, it needs to be in a room with soft, warm lighting.People like me who have ADHD are very sensitive by nature, and too much or too little sensory input can make it harder to be in the present moment and stay focused. Third, I understand now how my ADHD can affect my relationships.As someone who gets bored easily and seeks out stimulation, I was always attracted to novelty, drama, taking risks… Sometimes that opened me up to risks that worked out really well, hanging out with many of my friends who also had ADHD. Other times, that didn’t work out so well, because we didn’t always make the best decisions. And last but not least, I understand how ADHD affects my impulse control. Because of my ADHD, I know that if I like something, I run the risk of liking it too much. The idea of eating until satisfied versus eating until I’m stuffed, saying no to buying something I really couldn’t afford, or restraining myself from some mischievous desire were just some things I had to work on throughout my life, even today.There’s lots of research that shows people with ADHD have a significantly higher risk for addictive behaviors. And it’s essential for us to know this about ourselves.So, listeners, I can tell you from my personal experience that getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult not only helped me understand myself better. It helped me start figuring out what kinds of supports I need to thrive in all aspects of my life.Can I diagnose myself with ADHD? [03:44]So this is a very common question, and the answer is a hard no. Self-diagnosis may be popular on TikTok and other social media platforms. But it’s not a good idea, and here are three reasons why:Reason number 1: There are a lot of conditions that can look a lot like ADHD. A quick online quiz won’t be able to tell you if you’re struggling to pay attention because you have ADHD, or if it’s something else.  Stress or depression or anxiety or even sleep apnea can look a lot like ADHD, and an online platform won’t be able to pick apart the differences like a professional would, especially if you’re only being asked a few questions.Reason number 2: ADHD is a matter of degree. Everyone gets distracted sometimes. But that doesn’t mean everyone has ADHD. Diagnosing ADHD involves looking at how often you have certain symptoms and how much those symptoms affect your daily life.Reason number 3: Self-diagnosis can lead to the wrong DIY treatments — or to no treatments at all. And the whole reason you’re wondering about ADHD diagnosis is so you can help yourself feel better and function better, right?So for all of these reasons, it’s much, much better for you to work with someone who has a lot of training on how to accurately diagnose ADHD. A quick quiz can be useful as a starting point, but please don’t let it be a stopping point. Get tested by a professional.What else do I need to know if I think I might have ADHD? [05:17]This season of Understood Explains is going to cover a lot of territory, everything from which kinds of professionals can diagnose you, to how to prepare yourself emotionally for an ADHD diagnosis, to how to treat ADHD with or without medication. Each of these topics gets their own episode. But before we wrap up this one, there are a few big-picture things that I think are important for you to keep in mind as you’re thinking about getting tested for ADHD:The name “ADHD” is kind of misleading.ADHD’s full name, “attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder,” often confuses people in a couple different ways. “Attention deficit” doesn’t mean that people with ADHD lack attention. It means we have trouble regulating our attention. Our brains are often trying to pay attention to too many things. We have trouble filtering out the unimportant stuff, so we get distracted by things like background noise. We can also focus too much on one thing and can’t shift our attention away from it. Hyperfocus can be a big challenge for people like me with ADHD.“Hyperactivity” is another confusing part of ADHD’s formal name. There are three types of ADHD, and two of them involve hyperactivity. But you don’t have to be hyperactive to be diagnosed with ADHD. You can just struggle with attention. What used to be called “attention-deficit disorder” or ADD, is now called the “inattentive type” of ADHD. So that can be confusing to a lot of folks, too.There are two other terms that are important to know as you’re thinking about ADHD: “impulse control” and “executive function.” “Impulse control” isn’t part of ADHD’s formal name, but it’s one of the three main symptoms of ADHD: trouble with attention, hyperactivity, and impulse control. Those are the three main symptoms.“Executive function” is another really important term in the world of ADHD. Executive functions include everything from our ability to manage time and make decisions, to how we plan and prioritize, to how we physically organize our stuff. It involves how we remember information, how we regulate emotions. Many people — and many women in particular — are surprised by how much ADHD can impact emotions, whether it’s trouble managing our feelings, or the shame we feel about clutter, being late, etc. But all of these things are executive functions. And this is probably the biggest piece of the ADHD puzzle that can really have a significant impact on undiagnosed adults. It’s really only been since the mid 1990s that people started talking about the idea of ADHD in adulthood. And a lot of folks might not know what it looks like in adults and how it can be connected to other issues they might be experiencing, like a binge-eating disorder or a gambling addiction or porn addiction. The good news is that if you do get formally diagnosed with ADHD, the diagnosis report will often include recommendations on how to help with addiction and risk-taking, as well as other challenges like organization. There are lots of inexpensive apps and tools — like setting a timer on your phone — but it helps to know which areas you’re struggling in so you can start focusing on how to help.Key takeaway, next episode, and credits [08:41]OK, listeners, that’s it for Episode 1. The key takeaway I’m hoping sticks with you from this episode is that if you suspect you may have ADHD, meet with a health care professional who knows a lot about ADHD and can do a clinical evaluation. We’re going to spend the whole next episode talking about what kinds of health care providers can diagnose ADHD in adults. But for now, I want you to focus on why it’s a good idea to do this. I’ve found the majority of people are actually relieved and feel a strong sense of validation when they get diagnosed with ADHD. A diagnosis isn’t meant to make you feel bad. In fact, it’s the opposite. When I was officially diagnosed, I immediately started connecting dots and realized behaviors that may have seemed confusing or “out there” suddenly made more sense. And if you don’t have ADHD, but some other diagnosis, that will be just as important. Remember: Knowledge is power! Now that we’ve covered why you might want to get evaluated for ADHD, you’re ready for the rest of the season. Thanks for listening, and I hope you’ll join me for Episode 2, which explains “Who can diagnose adults with ADHD?”You’ve been listening to Season 2 of Understood Explains from the Understood Podcast Network. If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include more resources, as well as links to anything we’ve mentioned in the episode. One important note: I don’t prescribe ADHD medication and I don’t have any affiliation with pharmaceutical companies — and neither does Understood. This podcast is intended solely for informational purposes and is not a substitute for a professional diagnosis or for medical advice or treatment. Talk with your health care provider before making any medical decisions.Understood Explains is produced by Julie Rawe and Cody Nelson, who also edited the show. Briana Berry is our production director. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show.For the Understood Podcast Network, Laura Key is our editorial director, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, and Seth Melnick is our executive producer. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently discover their potential and thrive. Learn more at understood.org/mission.

  • ADHD and anxiety

    It’s common for people with ADHD to have anxiety. In fact, they’re more likely to struggle with anxiety than other people. That’s partly because the challenges that come with ADHD can create frequent problems — in school, at work, and at home.People with ADHD have trouble with executive functions — a group of skills we rely on to get tasks done. These skills help us to get organized, plan, manage time, and follow daily routines. They also help us manage our emotions. Struggling with executive skills day after day can be overwhelming and stressful. And chronic stress can lead to anxiety.Typically, anxiety isn’t constant. It comes and goes and may be limited to specific situations. But when the feelings are more frequent and start to take over, people may be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Many people with ADHD also have an anxiety disorder. At first glance, it may be hard to tell whether a person has one condition or the other or both. Not only do the two disorders co-occur, but their symptoms can look the same. So, it’s important to be evaluated for both, and to treat each disorder individually.

  • In It

    To medicate or not to medicate ADHD: One family’s story

    How do you decide if ADHD medication is right for your child? Hear one family’s journey and get answers to common questions about ADHD medication. ADHD medication. How do you decide if it’s right for your child? It’s a very personal decision that often takes time. Learning about the experiences of other families can help. In this episode, hosts Rachel Bozek and Gretchen Vierstra talk with Amelia, a mom whose son started taking ADHD medication during high school. Amelia shares the journey that led to the decision to medicate, including the worries she had. Find out how her son feels about taking medication. And hear Amelia’s advice for families who are making this decision. Plus, get answers to common questions about stimulant medication from Dr. Kamille Williams, a psychiatrist who has lots of experience talking with families about ADHD medicines. Related resourcesADHD medication side effectsHow does ADHD medication work? Listen to this episode of Understood Explains Season 2 to learn more about medication: ADHD medication: What do I need to know? Episode transcriptGretchen: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "In It," a podcast about the ins and outs...Rachel: ...the ups and downs...Gretchen: ...of supporting kids who learn and think differently. I'm Gretchen Vierstra, a former classroom teacher and an editor here at Understood.Rachel: And I'm Rachel Bozek, a writer and editor raising two kids with ADHD. Today we're talking about ADHD medication and how to figure out if it's right for your kid.Gretchen: Later, we'll be putting some questions to Dr. Kamille Williams, a psychiatrist in Atlanta who has a lot of experience talking with parents and kids about the benefits and risks of medication.Rachel: But first, we're talking to Amelia. Amelia is the mother of a boy we're going to call Sam, who started on ADHD meds just before his first year of high school. Getting to that point was a long and winding journey, and Amelia's sharing her family's experience with us in the hope that it might help other families find their way a little bit more easily.Gretchen: We were so happy to welcome her onto the podcast.Rachel: Hello. It's really nice to meet you.Amelia: Yes, you too. I'm so happy to be here.Gretchen: So I think we're going to just start off by having you tell us a little bit about your son.Amelia: He is 14, and he has just really started to become a teen. And what I mean by that is that the irritation levels that he has with his parents have really ratcheted up an extra notch in the past few months.Gretchen: I totally get that.Amelia: So, yes. So, he's 14. He's a freshman in high school. He's really into art. He's really into television and comedy and "The Simpsons" and "South Park" and all of that kind of stuff.Rachel: So when did you first realize that he might have a learning or thinking difference?Amelia: Really, really young. But I think we were kind of in denial about it for a super long time. But I remember in pre-K, he said that school was so boring that he spent time — they had like a letter border around the edge of the room, the ABCs. And he was very proud that he not only could do his ABCs backward, but he could do the whole song. And he's like, yeah, that's what I do with my time at school.And we got called in frequently by his pre-K teacher — not because he was disruptive. He's always been very good at sitting in one place and focusing. But because he constantly asked questions. And we were young, new parents and we're like, oh, we thought that that was a good thing, right? Like kids, you know, smart kids ask a lot of questions. So we kind of like kicked the can down the road a little bit.But he really hated school pretty consistently from kindergarten on. By the time fifth grade rolled around, things were not getting better. And I remember going in, like to a math class, you know, they did one of those, like invite the parents in for an hour in the morning things. And it was a math demo. And I could see immediately sitting with him that the other children — not all, but most — were doing, you know, one worksheet and then a second worksheet and then a second one. Like it was meant to be a fun math thing. And for my son, it was just not that way at all. He was stuck on problem one and two the entire time.Gretchen: It was at that point that Amelia and her husband decided it was time to take Sam's struggles in the classroom more seriously. They set up a meeting with the school where it was recommended that they get him a full neuropsych evaluation, which they did.Amelia: And that revealed, you know, the ADHD inattentive, also mild ASD — autism spectrum disorder. So mild that nobody had picked up on it prior. Oh, and also a processing issue with writing.Rachel: All of this was a lot for Amelia and her husband to take in. But they were glad to have some answers. That said, they weren't sure how Sam would take it.Amelia: When we told him, we really tried to frame it as, you know, this is actually kind of a superpower. Like people who have ADHD can focus so intensely on the things that they love and can be so good at the things that they love. And he cried. He cried a lot. And he — it was not, it was not sad tears. He seemed so relieved to have a name for what was going on with him. And then when he heard that there was medication available, he was like, "Oh my God. Well, you know, maybe I should take that."Gretchen: So, Sam was all for trying the meds. But Amelia and her husband had a bunch of concerns.Amelia: I sort of just thought it was like legal speed, right? I thought that he wouldn't sleep. I thought that he wouldn't really eat. I think I just really had a lot of biases around it. Like it's going to make him into, like, a robot who can do school, right?Rachel: I think the concerns that you just mentioned are so common.Amelia: Oh, can I just say one other thing I thought, which is actually opposite to the truth. I thought that it would be a gateway to relying on other drugs, self-medicating in other ways. That was another thing that I really, you know, just underneath it all, part of why I resisted. Because, of course, that's something you worry about when, you know, your kid is maybe not a big joiner anyway, and maybe has rebel tendencies anyway. right? It's in the back of the back of my mind. So that was another reason.Gretchen: Despite all these reservations, Amelia and her husband were slowly coming around to the idea of trying the meds. And then midway through sixth grade, COVID hit.Rachel: At that point, Amelia says the idea of having their son taking a stimulant while being stuck at home all day just seemed like a really bad idea. She was convinced he would be bouncing off the walls. So they put it off again.Gretchen: Then a year later, Sam began having pretty debilitating health problems. He was ultimately diagnosed with Crohn's disease. And once again, trying out meds for his ADHD got put on the back burner while they adjusted to this new challenge.Rachel: Throughout this time, Sam continued asking about the medication. And so finally, toward the end of middle school, with his health issues under control, they decided to give it a go. And the results were almost instantaneous.Amelia: So he started the spring semester of eighth grade, and things improved so quickly. It was kind of a wonder. Not only was it not painful anymore for him to sit and do school, not only did he stop saying things like "I'm the dumb one in class," right? Because that had been going on since sixth grade. Like "I'm the dumb one. You guys think that I'm smart, but I'm dumb.".But that was his first experience in all of middle school of having a real friend group. And I have to think that there's a correlation. I think him finally being able to focus on conversations and just sort of not dreaming the day away, let him tune in socially in a new way.Gretchen: Wow. And what did he say about it to you? About how it was making him feel at school?Amelia: He had a few rough days, like when we first started, where he's like, I feel weird. And, you know, even then I'm like, oh, do you want to stop? And he's like, no, I want to, you know, see how it goes. And very quickly, like once we got the dosage worked out and the type of medication worked out, he was like, oh, this is what it's like for other kids. Like, the teacher tells us what to do and they just hear it and don't have to ask three more times "What are we supposed to do?" So I think it was a really big relief for him.Rachel: Have there been any negative side effects or anything you've seen that has made you second-guess this decision?Amelia: I still, in the depths of my mind, I'm like, you know, I'll ask questions of myself, right? Like, is he going to be on this forever? And then I think, well, that wouldn't be so bad because he's so much more functional on it. He doesn't want to not take it on weekends, because he just simply functions better in every way when he is taking the medication.One little concern we have because of the Crohn's just has to do with eating and growth. He doesn't have too much of an appetite during the day. So we try to get calories in first thing in the morning and at the very end of the day, you know, he'll eat a significant amount. So, you know, that's on my mind a little bit. But he almost slept better than before. It was almost easier for him to go to sleep, which shocked me. So I think that he could have had an easier road through middle school had we just started sixth grade having him on medication.Gretchen: Well, just know that you're not alone in saying that. I wish we had done it sooner. There's so many families that say that. Because it's hard. I'm sure Rachel can attest to that too. It's really hard.Rachel: Absolutely. I'm curious if you have any advice for other families, people who are going through this process and trying to figure out whether or not they should give medication a try for their child. Do you have any suggestions or recommendations for how they can think about it?Amelia: I think it's really hard to see your child in pain, whether the pain is social or whether the pain is like "I'm dumb," or, you know, there is a pain inherent in "I hate school," right? That sucks. You spend all your time at school like, should you hate it?So I would say for families who have this diagnosis or even suspect that this might be lurking, right? And maybe a teacher hasn't flagged it, but something's off? To just really kind of listen to that and think, you know, could my child's day-to-day life be sort of happy and manageable if it isn't now?Not to say that, you know, it takes a lot of things to have a happy and manageable life. It's not only, you know, you take a pill and life is perfect. But to have this going on in your brain and have this possibility and kind of leave it on the table, if your child is really suffering with school, I guess I would just say to try to not pathologize what could be an amazing tool that will allow your child to sort of flourish instead of just avoid.Gretchen: Amelia, we're so thankful that you were willing to come on our show and tell your story. Thank you so much.Amelia: It's my pleasure. If it can help anybody, you know, I'm thrilled to do it.Rachel: Thank you. Amelia's story gets at so many of the anxieties I think a lot of parents have when thinking about trying stimulants for their kids. We thought it might be helpful to add some insights from an expert to help us understand these medications a little better.Gretchen: So we reached out to Dr. Kamille Williams. Dr. Williams is an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Morehouse School of Medicine.Rachel: She specializes in child and adolescent psychiatry and in the assessment and treatment of neurodevelopmental disorders. She's also a psychiatrist with a practice in Atlanta.Gretchen: Before we turn to Dr. Williams, we want to make clear to really important things. One is that ADHD medication is not the only way to treat ADHD. There are absolutely non-medication ways to help kids with ADHD. Families can work with a doctor or therapist to figure out what's the best path for them.Rachel: And two, if you do decide to give medication a try, remember that it may take some trial and error to find the right one and the right dose for your kid.Gretchen: OK. So getting back to Dr. Williams, the first thing we wanted to ask her was, what do you say to parents or caregivers who aren't comfortable with the idea of giving their kids a stimulant because they think of it as an upper? You know, the type of thing some folks take when they need to pull it all-nighter to finish a project?Dr. Williams: I would say that their concern is definitely valid and especially with this off-market use that getting it from doctors who prescribe it. But in reality, individuals who have sort of ADHD have an imbalance that that medication actually corrects. So for them, taking the medication will actually regulate the symptoms.Rachel: So it's like they have a different starting point.Dr. Williams: Exactly. If we compared it on a scale, they would be at a two for the type of neurotransmitter that the medication regulates, whereas average people could be like a five or six. And so taking the medication will boost them to the five or six. Whereas someone who's already out of five or six would just go straight to a ten.Gretchen: Dr. Williams also confirmed what Amelia said, that while we may fear that these medications could serve as a gateway to drug abuse or addiction, research shows the opposite. Generally speaking, she says, those who deal with addiction are actually trying to self-treat for what they're dealing with.Rachel: For those families who are trying one of the stimulant medications. Dr. Williams has some advice. First of all, as was the case with Sam, they may affect a child's appetite.Dr. Williams: Let parents know when they're prescribed stimulants that it's good to have a hearty breakfast when they take the medicine, because usually around lunchtime, they're not going to have that desire to eat because they're not going to feel hungry. And then once the medicine wears off towards the afternoon and evening time, it's going to ramp back up that they're going to try to catch up on the calories that they didn't get throughout the day because of the medication.Rachel: What's right could change over time.Gretchen: Yep.Rachel: As your kid gets older and they're in high school or college or maybe working a job, they may need to take a booster dose, which is smaller than a regular dose, to help them focus in the evening.Gretchen: But it also means that kids can take a break from the medication if they want to — say, on the weekends.Dr. Williams: Definitely. We promote the idea of having what's called drug holidays. So the weekends, spring break, holiday break, things where they don't have to be focused to perform their best and do things, to not take the medication, just be. Because it works in the body for the amount of time that it's designed and it doesn't have like lingering effects compared to other medication.Gretchen: OK. So some families might wonder this: Is medication a cure-all for someone with ADHD? Like if their kid finds the pill that works best for them, do they just take it for the rest of their life and that's it? ADHD is no longer a thing to think about.Dr. Williams: I like to tell my parents and families that ADHD, like anxiety, is like diabetes, like blood pressure. You manage it. It will ebb and flow and change. The older you get, certain symptoms sort of resolve itself, but they're certain symptoms that will continue to stay. And that — it just depends on how life goes for a person if they decide to take medications versus not.There's ebbs and flows where there's periods of like I want to try without being on medications versus like, I think I want to restart medications again because it's been helpful. So I wouldn't call it a cure-all. This is a form of treatment that helps manage symptoms so that you're able to be your best self and be stable and do the things that you like to do.Gretchen: Well, we want to thank you so much for answering all our questions about medication today.Dr. Williams: Yes, of course.Rachel: Thank you so much.OK, so we know that was a lot of information and we just hope that it was really helpful to you, whether you are thinking about trying medication for your child for the first time, or maybe you've tried something and it doesn't seem like it's working and you want to look into something new.Gretchen: Yeah. And of course, a reminder that any decision about taking a prescribed medication should be made together with a doctor or psychiatrist who can help you figure out what's going to work best for your child.Rachel: And if you still have questions about ADHD medications, we have an excellent episode of "Understood Explains" where Dr. Roberto Olivardia gets into all of it. We'll link to that episode in our show notes.Gretchen: You've been listening to "In It" from the Understood Podcast Network.Rachel: This show is for you. So we want to make sure you're getting what you need. Email us at init@understood.org to share your thoughts. We love hearing from you.Gretchen: If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include more resources as well as links to anything we mentioned in the episode.Rachel: Understood.org is a resource dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently discover their potential and thrive. Learn more at understood.org/mission.Gretchen: "In It" is produced by Julie Subrin. Briana Berry is our production director. Justin D. Wright mixes the show. Mike Errico wrote our theme music.Rachel: For the Understood Podcast Network, Laura Key is our editorial director, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, and Seth Melnick is our executive producer. Thanks for listening.Gretchen: And thanks for always being in it with us.

  • Executive function skills: They can be hot or cool

    We all know it can be a lot harder to think things through in the heat of the moment or when we’re frustrated or angry. But why is that? What’s happening in our brain? To understand why kids — and adults — make decisions differently depending on whether the stakes are high or low, it helps to learn about hot and cool executive function skills.Hot executive functions refer to the self-management skills we use in situations where emotions run high. Cool executive functions refer to the skills we use when emotions aren’t really a factor. (You may also hear cool executive skills referred to as cold executive skills.)You might know from personal experience how hard it can be to resist temptation or to stay focused on a boring task. It can also be difficult to break an old habit or even to stop from responding in anger in the heat of the moment.These are examples of deliberate self-regulation. They require some concerted conscious effort to accomplish. They were harder to do when I was a child and could be quite frustrating when I was a teenager. And sometimes they’re still challenging for me as an adult.I’ve always been fascinated by the executive skills needed to give this kind of effort. As a scientist, I’ve studied how the brain develops these skills. My research also looks at how emotion and other factors can affect the way we use three core executive skills:Cognitive flexibility: Thinking flexibly about something, including seeing things from another point of viewWorking memory: Holding information in mind and working with it, like when adding two numbers in your headInhibitory control: Stopping impulsive responses and resisting distractionWhen a researcher or a clinician wants to test executive function skills, they’re usually tested in a low-stakes way. This is why they’re referred to as “cool” executive skills. For example, a widely used test of working memory asks kids to remember a list of numbers and then say them in the reverse order, from last to first. This test is challenging, to be sure. But it’s not overly emotional. What happens in our brains when the stakes are higher? We use “hot” executive skills to help us control our emotional reactions. Skills like flexible thinking also help us figure out how to approach — or avoid — things that really matter to us.Labs like mine use brain scans to see the different pathways the brain uses when the stakes are high or low. Hot and cool executive skills rely on closely related parts of the brain. They typically work together to allow us to solve problems, accomplish a goal, and learn efficiently. The brain can quickly shift back and forth between them.The marshmallow test — with a twistAngela Prencipe and I conducted a study with young children that illustrates the distinction between hot and cool executive skills. To do this, we took a look at the famous marshmallow test. And we gave it a twist.In our study, 3-year-olds sat at a small table with Angela, a PhD student, who asked the kids to help her solve a problem. Angela can have one candy to eat now, or, if she waits until they’re done playing games, she can get four candies to eat later. What should Angela do?Most children told Angela she should wait and get more candy to eat later. A wise choice. However, when 3-year-olds themselves were given the same choice (Do you want one candy to eat now, or four candies to eat later?), they usually chose one candy now.The 3-year-olds gave perfectly good advice to others in the cool executive function condition (decide for Angela). But they failed to follow that good advice themselves in the hot executive function condition (decide for themselves). They gave in to temptation.It’s often easier to think objectively about a stranger’s difficult choice than about our own. That’s because we’re not personally affected by the consequences of that person’s decision. We can stay cool.Hot executive skills allow us to think more objectively about our own meaningful decisions. These skills can help us resist temptation for the sake of a more important goal.Knowing about hot and cool executive function skills helps us make sense of this phenomenon. Kids need a certain level of cool executive skills to weigh Angela’s alternatives (more later vs. less now) and choose to wait for a larger reward. They can easily imagine that she will soon be happier with more. Most 3-year-olds already have these skills.But when choosing for themselves, these children not only had to weigh the same information (more later vs. less now), but also had to resist temptation (candy now!). This is too big a challenge for most 3-year-olds. Their hot executive skills can’t handle it. They typically opt for immediate gratification.Similar distinctions between hot and cool executive function skills can be seen in older children. Think about risky decision-making and teens. An emotional context like peer pressure helps explain why some teens choose to drink and drive even though they know they shouldn’t.As a scientist, I’m interested in these moments. But I’m interested as a parent too. How can we help our kids make good choices?Helping kids improve hot and cool executive function skillsDeveloping strategies ahead of time can be helpful. Role-play can help kids prepare for stressful situations. Practicing what to do or say might make it easier for our kids to make the decision we hope they’ll make.Both hot and cool executive function skills can be improved through practice. One way to help practice these skills is by reducing the demands placed on young children’s executive skills so the task is challenging — but not too challenging. This can be as simple as giving one direction at a time. Or removing hot, desirable distractions so kids don’t have to work so hard to stay focused.Parents can give kids chances to exercise and grow their executive skills in situations they can manage. This allows them to practice their skills successfully.As kids’ executive skills become better through practice, the challenge can be increased. This will help strengthen those skills even more. In this way, parents can help kids acquire deliberate self-regulation skills. These hot and cool skills will help them solve a wide range of problems, from doing well in school to making smart choices as a teenager.

  • ADHD Aha!

    Not lazy, but exhausted from analysis paralysis (Emily’s story)

    Before her ADHD diagnosis, ADHD coach Emily Weinberg thought she was just lazy. But in reality she was stuck in “analysis paralysis.” ADHD coach Emily Weinberg is no stranger to analysis paralysis. Before she was diagnosed, she thought she was just lazy, and that she couldn’t have ADHD since she wasn’t hyperactive. But whenever she was being “unproductive,” she was actually just frozen. She was stuck thinking about the list of things to do mounting in her head.When she first spoke to a psychiatrist about ADHD, Emily was told that “she just seemed like an anxious mom with young kids.” So her ADHD was missed, which happens for so many women. Since then, Emily has worked hard to understand herself better, and now she empowers others to do the same.Related resourcesADHD and “analysis paralysis”ADHD and the myth of lazinessEmily’s ADHD coaching website, ADHDwithemily.comEpisode transcriptEmily: What looks like somebody just like, sitting relaxed, not wanting to do anything. You know, watching a show, looking at their phone, is actually describing analysis paralysis. And I just felt like I was in that every day. You are just sitting there screaming at yourself to get up and do something. And as the time ticks by, you're like, "Great, now you have five less minutes to do this thing. Now, what's the point?" Laura: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "ADHD Aha!," a podcast where people share the moment when it finally clicked that they or someone they know has ADHD. My name is Laura Key. I'm the editorial director here at Understood, and as someone who's had my own ADHD "aha" moment, I'll be your host.I'm here today with Emily Weinberg. Emily is a listener who wrote in, who says that she's been listening since we started the show. So grateful for that. Emily is also an ADHD coach who is located outside of Boston. You can find her at ADHDwithemily.com. Emily, thank you so much for being here today. Emily: Thanks for having me. Laura: Emily and I are laughing because the fire alarm just went off. Did you hear it? As soon as I introduced you. Emily: This is amazing. Laura: It's part of it now. OK, I don't think I need to evacuate the building, but, you know, if you see smoke behind me, please let me know. And I'll go running out. Oh, if only this were a video episode so everyone could see the flashing lights. Emily: It looks like a laser beam. Like one of those, school photos where you had, like, the lasers behind you. Laura: Oh, my gosh, I know exactly what you mean. And that's not a big deal. You know, we're not people who get distracted at all. It's just an interview about ADHD. Emily: Totally tune that out. Laura: Well, thank you for being at the circus with me today, Emily. I'm excited to chat with you. Thank you for being a listener for so long. I really appreciate it. Emily: Yeah. Of course. I mean, thank you for putting out such good content. Laura: My pleasure. OK, we're going to talk about your diagnosis. We're going to get to that. But I want to start with a biggie if that's all right with you. When we chatted last, you told me you used to describe yourself as a lazy person. Could you just unpack that? Why did you think you were a lazy person? Emily: I was not a driven-by-a-motor brand of ADHD. I honestly feel like I never had an abundance of energy. I could nap whenever given the option of napping, and I mostly just didn't feel super driven to do a million things. Unless — you know, I know in high school, like when I was playing sports — yeah, of course I'd go to practice afterwards. And you know, in those months when I played sports, I would be doing, doing, doing. And then in the in-between, I just didn't do much. And as an adult, it's like any time I could just sit and "relax," I would.The term lazy — I really hate it so much now — but it did just kind of feel like laziness, like I don't really feel like doing much. And obviously what I know now, it's that I did have a bunch of things I probably wanted to do and still want to do, but sometimes that feels overwhelming when there's so many different options and you're not quite sure what to do. And also, I really was tired often, you know. And I credit that to just like mental exhaustion of like a really fast-moving brain and making choices and decisions all day and trying to plan ahead and not really being able to see ahead. And just, you know, everything that happens within the brain of somebody with ADHD. I was exhausted all the time. I didn't feel like I had a great reason to be exhausted at times, because it's not like I had been out training for a marathon or running all over the place or whatever, but I was just often tired. Laura: Yeah. And just listeners — you need to hear this — Emily is not a lazy person. And I hope you hear that Emily knows that she's not as lazy person, right? Emily: Right, right. Laura: I wanted to start there because it's just such a stark contrast with how we usually perceive people with ADHD. Tell me more about the exhaustion in your brain and how that kind of transferred to the body. Emily: It's like, I can't even tell you. "Oh, I remember in high school just having like a million thoughts a moment and my brain was constantly racing." It's more now like of — in hindsight, this is now what I know about ADHD, it makes a lot of sense — that if my brain was just always on and thinking and processing and try to figure things out, it makes a lot of sense then that that would be completely and totally exhausting. I know as an adult now, one of the things that really exhausts me the most is just like decision-making. I used to be a teacher. I mean, you make 4 million choices every day as a teacher. So, teaching is exhausting, period. No other explanation. But man, I just came home and it was like, I can't tell you what I want for dinner. I can't tell you which show I want to watch. I could barely walk my dog and like, think about what route I wanted to walk him on it. It's just. Laura: So, you're talking really about analysis paralysis, but not in your more formal areas of life. Not in work life, sounds like. But when you get home and it's just you and you may have an option for, there's not something you have to do. Now you have a different kind of choice to make. Emily: Yeah. And I have never felt that part, the analysis paralysis, so strongly as in when I had my kids. Their nap times were like torture for me. Because I think every single nap time they had, I immediately went into that analysis paralysis. Exhausted. Can't do anything. Didn't do anything. Just like spin cycle. It's like they'd go to nap when they're really little. You have no idea how much time you're going to have. So, that's like your first challenge, right? Do I have 20 minutes? Do I have 40 minutes? You're exhausted. You just want to sit down for a minute. But sitting down for a minute for me meant sitting down for the remainder. But not relaxing. Not taking an intentional "I'm tired. I need to do nothing while they nap. So, I'm sitting here on the couch." It was not an intentional decision. It was, "I would like to sit down for five minutes and then do something." But the five minutes of "rest" turns into, "Are they going to wake up in 20 minutes? Do I have two hours? Do I have laundry to do? Should I do the dishes? Should I organize stuff?" And then I get so exhausted in those five minutes and then I'm like, "Well, now I only maybe have 15 minutes." And it was such a cycle. Laura: That happens to me a lot, too. It's so emotional as well. I will, when I'm transitioning from anything work or parenting-related to none of the above. It's like "I'm just going to take five minutes. I just need five minutes." It's always 30 minutes, at least. Emily: At least. Laura: Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing anything productive and that's not really the point. But then I'm mad that I'm not doing anything productive. Like that's this shame spiral. Emily: You know, I'd love to sit here and say, "But I'm over it. I figured out how to." Yeah, it still happens. I'm a little bit more aware of what's happening. You know, I have tools now that I can, like, snap myself out when needed or give myself some compassion and understanding when needed. But at the time, right, you are just sitting there screaming at yourself to get up and do something. And as the time ticks by, you're like, "Great, now you have five less minutes to do this thing. Now what's the point?" I think another piece of it, too, is the idea behind like, starting and finishing tasks. I know — now I really know about myself — I really, really cannot stand starting things that I'm not going to be able to finish, because I know pulling myself out of the task when it's not quite done is just so painful. So, there's this piece of it where you're like, stuck in analysis paralysis, and then the time starts ticking by and now it becomes, "Well, even if I could get myself to start now, I'm not gonna be able to finish. So, what's the point?" It's the exhaustion of trying to get yourself to do something, doing the mental math of how long that's going to take, trying to figure out what is the thing that mental exhaustion and then the afterwards mental exhaustion of just like beating yourself up so much and shaming yourself for not being "productive" with this time. It's brutal. Laura: It's brutal. An example I give to other folks who don't have this brain is, "You know, that feeling when you know you have to wake up really early and then you can't fall asleep because you keep thinking about the time, like the lost sleep cycles, every passing minute? It's like living in that loop." Emily: Like all day, every day. Laura: What did this look like as a kid? Emily: You know, I very distinctly remember, you know, you heard the garage door open and like, a parent was home and you hopped off the couch, right? Like, "They can't know I've just been sitting on the couch all day." Laura: I still do that today. When I hear my husband coming home with the kids and, like, I get up and I'm conveniently unloading the dishwasher as they're walking in the door. Giving the appearance. Emily: Same. And sometimes I can catch it and like, stop myself. I'm like, "Oh! I don't need to be being productive right now." But whatever happens in your body when you hear the garage, it's like an instinct where you're like, "Ooh, I gotta be finding something to do." So, there was a little bit of like, "I should be doing more because I'm just kind of being like, lazybones, you know, just lounging." Laura: Can you recall ever getting in trouble for being a "lazybones?" Emily: No. I mean, I think I just distinctly remember feeling like everyone thought I was just like a lazy bum. My sister, who now has also been diagnosed with ADHD — which is interesting because we are polar opposites — my sister is more driven than me. She was very go, go, go. She was like involved in all the clubs and great grades and she was like a fitness instructor. And I feel like I was like a bum hanging out. I don't think I got in trouble. I think I got questions sometimes like, "How long have you been, playing that game on the computer?" Or like, "How long have you been sitting on the couch? Or like, "What are you going to do today?" I was a really good kid. I did not cause any problems. I did not get in trouble. I did fine in school. I didn't break rules. You know, if the worst thing I was doing was, like, coming home and just, like, vegging on the couch, nobody was like, "You're not doing anything with your life." And that really, honestly might have been their perception of like, they really didn't care because they knew that I was busy at other times. That to me, it always just felt like, "I don't know to do. So here I am." Laura: I have this random image in my mind and it's TMI. But just like, go with me for a minute. I remember right after having each of my kids and I was pumping a lot. I didn't physically like it, but I liked it because I could pump and I could just play games on my phone and I didn't have to — again, "have to" — feel guilty because I was doing something productive with my body while just letting my mind wither away. Again, nothing wrong with just chilling out and like playing on your phone in between like tougher moments in the day, whatever. It was just this, like, I felt guilty about it and I needed to be doing that act of pumping to not feel guilty about it. Emily: It was like the one time you really gave yourself permission to just zone out. Laura: Totally. Emily: And in hindsight, I should have applied that to my pumping sessions because... Laura: My husband was like, "You are very prolific. You are making a lot of milk."Emily: So good, right? I mean, and isn't it so funny though, that like, I was giving myself permission to just do nothing, and it's like, because you're actually not doing nothing. Like, "Oh my God. You're body is creating food for your child." But it seems like it has to be that level to just have the permission to sit and play on your phone, when like, you should have the permission any day, at any hour, whenever you want to give it to yourself. But that's hard. That's a hard place to get to. Laura: So, you got diagnosed in 2021. What was happening in your life like, at that precise moment? If you can remember. Emily: I think it was just a whole bunch of things. One of my best friends — who we are very, very similar to each other. People joke like we have the same brain — she had been diagnosed with ADHD. So she had been talking to me a little bit about it. Like twins. Like we're the same person, really need to look into it. My main hold-up at that time was this "I can't have ADHD. I'm not hyperactive, I'm just like, disorganized and a 'hot mess' and like spacey, whatever." So, my sister's son was in first grade, and he was, you know, having some problems with like, his folder was always disorganized, and his handwriting. And they were trying to, like give him some support. And they said he has some executive functioning deficits — which I am embarrassed to admit, I was a teacher and I honestly had not really heard of executive functions — and so, I kind of looked into it, and that's when I was like, "This is what I have. This describes me." Like, organization, planning, time management, you know, self-motivation, emotional regulation, all that. I was like, "This is what I have. I don't have the hyperactive piece." And then looking into that further and realizing, "Oh, that is ADHD inattentive type." And then I saw the Dani Donovan graphic of somebody sitting on a couch looking like they're just lounging, looking at their phone or watching TV. And it said on the top, like "What it looks like to the outside world." And then the bubble below was the same graphic with all the things in the whole thought bubble. Yeah. And what looks like somebody just like sitting, relaxing, not wanting to do anything, watching a show, looking at their phone is actually describing the analysis paralysis. And I just felt like I was in that every day. Laura: Dani Donovan, friend of the pod. She's phenomenal. Emily: I really thank her for those comments because it was so perfectly portraying my experience. That just catapulted me into going down the rabbit hole. Laura: Yeah. So, your kids right now. You have two kids who are the same age. They are five. Emily: They just turned five. Yeah. We just had their birthday party yesterday, so I'm surprised I'm still standing. Actually, it was fine. That was dramatic. It was fine. It was a bit overwhelming, but it was fine. Laura: You and your wife carried your kids at the same time. Is that right? Emily: Yeah. You know, without going into too much detail. Fertility issues played a part of it. And I'll just say we were kind of hedging our bets. I guess that's how you want to put it, like just hoping for a good outcome. And we just happened to get two good outcomes very unexpectedly. Did not think that that was going to be what happened. And yeah, so they were born a week apart. We have a boy and a girl and now they're five. Laura: So, in 2021 your kids were three. How big of a factor did being a new mom play into this. Because you were managing before, and then you became a parent to two, not one, but two children. Emily: That made it really hard to try to claim that I had ADHD, because the mom kind of dialogue out there is like, "Motherhood is so hard, everyone's struggling. Everyone you know is having a hard time staying organized. All moms are running late." It's this... Laura: Happy comic. Emily: Yeah, it's just like being a mom isn't easy. That's kind of what it comes down to. So, it was hard to kind of be like, "I think this is harder for me because of ADHD. Like, I don't think I'm experiencing the same kind of hard as like baseline-mom hard." And the first psychiatrist who I spoke to, basically did tell me that I was an overwhelmed mom with young kids. And that basically, that's actually the words that she said to me, "You're anxious. You just seem like you're an anxious mom with young kids." That was it. So, it was like, what you already are worried it is. Like it's this hard for everyone, but everyone else is just managing it better. A psychiatrist now said that to me, "This is just anxiety. Everyone is experiencing this." And this was after months of me researching and knowing it was ADHD and really just wanting it to be confirmed so I could know I wasn't completely crazy. Laura: You were told to basically just like toughen up. Emily: By the time I had that evaluation, I had already joined a coaching program. Super thankfully, because I knew that that was a possibility. I had kind of been prepared that some psychiatrists do not know enough about ADHD and how it presents in women, and chalk it up to anxiety and depression, and it's unfortunate. So, I kind of knew that that was a possibility going in. I very naively thought that that would not be the case, but it was. And then I had like, a support network for when that happened to kind of tell me, like "Get another opinion, go to someone else. That person doesn't know what she's talking about." Because this was also a person she basically just had said, like, "You sound like you're, you know, pretty successful and you graduated college. And this just sounds like anxiety," but she had not asked me any questions about, like, how school had been for me or how my work life was. There was no curiosity around where the anxiety was stemming from, which is really where she missed the point. And I try to be really vocal about that, because it just that is what happens to so many women, is that they really are just told it's anxiety. Laura: So, you left your teaching career and have become an ADHD coach. Did I say that right? or yeah, I saw your face... Emily: Yeah, well, I left teaching when I had the kids. I went on maternity leave and then I took an extended maternity leave. And then I realized "There is no way I can go back to teaching." That was the other thing. Like, I know that there are so many teachers who are also moms. I could not wrap my head around how much I was struggling with momhood. How much I struggled as a teacher doing those things independently and then doing both of them. I was like, "There's actually no way." And again, this is undiagnosed, untreated, unmedicated un-anything. Would I want to do it now? No. Do I have tools that I could probably make it work now? Probably, but I don't want to. Anyway so, I had been home. I joined a coaching program. I spent a long time learning — and, you know, about a year and a half of that — just like trying to understand more about myself. Trying to learn more about myself, trying to accept how I am and that I'm not just, like inherently flawed and lazy and forgetful and inconsiderate and all the words that we have gathered and put into our own little narrative about ourselves. So, I kind of spent a really long time trying to relearn myself, and I still am. I still very much am. Like I said, I pop up when I hear the garage and I spend time playing on my phone instead of moving on to the next thing on my agenda. And I get into analysis paralysis sometimes, and I still do all the things, but I really have learned how to kind of like, be a little bit more in control of a lot of that stuff and how to support myself. Laura: And others. Emily: And that's what really — it really just dawned on me one day like, "This is what I want to do now." All I want to do is help other people who are struggling, understand themselves more, and feel like they can shift into a life that they feel like they have a little bit more control of, you know, more intention. They're doing what they actually want to do and not just what they're like feeling shamed into doing or should do. They're not just sitting around beating themselves up all the time. Yeah. It's just like, "Well, that's actually what I have to be doing." Laura: Do you take clients outside of Boston? Do you work remotely? Emily: Yeah. I mean, I see clients over Zoom. So, I have a client in Germany. I used to see someone in Australia — but that time zone is very difficult — but we made it work. Laura: I just mentioned because you have your website ADHDwithemily.com and I know you are in the Boston area, but want to give a little plug for folks who may be looking for a coach. Emily: Yes, I could totally see people all over. I am taking clients. Yeah. Laura: Emily, I'm grateful that you came on today. Emily, I'm really grateful that you have been listening to the show for so long. It's really validating to me, too, because it's hard to get organized sometimes to do something like this. So, here we are. Just similar with you with your coaching. Yeah. Emily: No, I have loved this show so much. I love the like, diverse experience. It's not just like the same story every time. It's like, they're all so different. Yet you can just understand everybody's experience so well. There's like it's like a universal language and then like all these different, like dialects. So, I've loved it. Laura: You've been listening to "ADHD Aha!" from the Understood Podcast Network. If you want to share your own "aha" moment, email us at ADHDAha@understood.org. I'd love to hear from you. If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include more resources as well as links to anything we mentioned in the episode. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently, discover their potential and thrive. We have no affiliation with pharmaceutical companies. Learn more at understood.org/mission. "ADHD Aha!" is produced by Jessamine Molli. Say hi, Jessamine! Jessamine: Hi everyone. Laura: Briana Berry is our production director. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. For the Understood Podcast Network, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, Seth Melnick is our executive producer, and I'm your host, Laura Key. Thanks so much for listening.

  • Why kids have trouble following a routine or schedule

    Kids’ days are full of routines. But for many, following a routine or schedule is difficult. Sticking to a routine or schedule involves many skills — it’s harder than it seems.There are lots of reasons kids don’t stick to daily routines and schedules. Often, it’s a once-in-a-while thing that’s not an issue. Kids get sidetracked, are preoccupied, or just don’t feel like doing it.For some kids, though, not following routines is a regular problem. Trouble with organization, keeping track of time, and paying attention are a few reasons kids struggle with routines. These skills are part of a larger group of thinking skills known as executive functions. 

  • In It

    How we deal with “Is ADHD real?”

    There’s a lot of misinformation out there about ADHD. The biggest (and perhaps most hurtful) myth of all? That it’s not a “real” condition.There’s a lot of misinformation out there about ADHD. The biggest (and perhaps most hurtful) myth of all? That it’s not a “real” condition.On this episode of In It, hosts Amanda Morin and Lexi Walters Wright hear from families who’ve muddled through explaining their child’s ADHD to family and friends — and dealt with frustrating reactions. They also hear from expert Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, about how real ADHD actually is. (Spoiler for ADHD deniers: You can actually see it on a brain scan.)Related resources“Is ADHD real?” How I respond when people doubt ADHDCommon myths about ADHDStephanie Sarkis, PhD: My wild family history of ADHDCheck out the Wunder appEpisode transcriptAmanda Morin: Hi. I'm Amanda Morin, a writer, recovering teacher, and parent advocate.Lexi Walters Wright: And I'm Lexi Walters Wright, community manager for Understood. And we are "In it"! "In It" is a podcast from Understood for Parents. On this show, we offer support and some practical advice for families whose kids are struggling with reading, math, focus, and other learning and thinking differences. Today we're talking about that moment when someone asks us, "Is ADHD even real?" This is something that comes up all the time for parents. It is such a common topic in our Understood community forums.Amanda: And in part, that's because there's a lot of misinformation out there about ADHD, which stands for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. And the biggest myth is that it's not a legit condition.Lexi: Never mind that there's a lot of brain science behind the ADHD diagnosis. There are still people out there who aren't so sure. So we put out a call for parents to tell us about your experiences.Caller: So, the one that I've been hearing lately the most often is that ADHD is a made-up disease by the government and big pharma in order to push acid onto kids of African American descent. Obviously there are a whole lot of issues with that specific clapback.Caller: I have two boys who have ADHD and have heard all the ridiculous things that people have to say. My favorite is always when people try to play down the diagnosis in an attempt to make me feel better. Not that I need to be made to feel better. So I often get told things like, "Oh, they'll grow out of it." Or, "It's not really a diagnosis." Or my favorite: "They're always far too quick to diagnose ADHD."Caller: I am a mother of a 10-year-old girl who has ADHD. And one time this came up in conversation with a colleague, and when I mentioned that my daughter has ADHD, my colleague said, "Oh, that surprises me." And so I said, "Why does that surprise you?" And she said, "Because I didn't think that you would want that label." And so I kind of took a deep breath and said, "Well, I don't see it as a label. It's actually a neurological condition." And then I explain a little bit more. And I think she was absolutely not trying to be hurtful or even realize that her comment may have been hurtful. She was simply trying to understand. But I think what the comment put on display is a misconception that a lot of people have and perhaps that I had before I was forced to learn about ADHD because of my daughter's diagnosis, which is a perception that it's not a real medical diagnosis. It's something fabricated as an excuse for either attention or to explain away bad behavior.Lexi: I mean, is this a question that you get?Amanda: Yes. And as you know, Lexi, I have both a son and a spouse with ADHD.Lexi: So when does it usually come up? Like what are the circumstances?Amanda: Yeah. So Lexi, it's not always a direct question. And sometimes it's that verbal side-eye from another parent, like when they're watching my awesomely delightful and scattered son super fast on the playground. He bumps into people. He interrupts conversations, and I'll be like, "Whoa, he is having a really rough day with his ADHD." And the other parent'll say something like, "Does he really have ADHD? He's so focused when he's at our house playing with Legos" or whatever.Lexi: I get a sense that this is maybe a fraught question for you.Amanda: Yeah, it can be. You know, when I get asked if ADHD is real, it feels like I'm being judged. It feels like people are commenting on my parenting. It feels like they're passing judgment on whether I can keep my kid under control. And it sometimes feels like they're watching me make excuses for my child when I'm not making excuses. I'm just telling it like it is.Amanda: I want to know, so if someone asked a parent like me, a parent who has a child with ADHD, whether ADHD was real, how would you recommend that that parent answer the question?Stephanie Sarkis: I would say, "Let me know why you're asking that." First I want to know because that's kind of rude.Amanda: Dr. Stephanie Sarkis is a psychotherapist who works with children and adolescents. She's one of Understood's experts.Stephanie: So first I'd want to know, "Tell me what your concerns are." I mean, maybe it's a grandparent. Maybe it's an aunt or uncle.Amanda: Yes.Stephanie: You know, so I mean, that makes sense. But if it's just some random person, you know, from like PTA or something, that's rude.Lexi: In working with parents, have you found effective ways to help a parent understand that this is not just laziness, or distraction, or, you know, a troubled kid?Stephanie: I meet parents where they're at. And what I mean by that is I ask them, "Tell me what you know about ADHD. And where were some places that you got the information from? What questions do you have?" Now sometimes, it's just that, just by accident people have gone onto websites that don't have a lot of valid information. Sometimes a family member took medication for ADHD and they may have had side effects. And so what I talk to parents about is, "Let me look at what you've learned about it and let me tell you what I know about it. Let's put our heads together and come up with a solution that best helps your child." And also I would explain that there's a difference between can't and won't. It's not that your child doesn't want to do their chores. It's that they can't remember multistep tasks. And there's a big difference between can't and won't. And we really need to focus on the fact that ADHD brains can't do some things, rather than looking at it as a won't, which is a willful behavior.Caller: My son who's 11 is diagnosed with ADHD, and we were at a family visit. And another family member was trying to, for some reason, kind of take over the parenting of my son because he wasn't going to bed, or he was having a meltdown, or he was just generally having a hard time — overtired, overstimulated. And afterwards, we had a discussion about it, and this family member said, "Well, you know, I think that was just a little more discipline and a little bit better parenting. He's going to be fine."Caller: So that kind of stuck with me for a lot of years and kind of changed my relationship with that person, probably forever.Lexi: Stephanie, can scientists actually see ADHD in somebody's brain?Stephanie: You can actually see it on scans, yeah, and functional MRI — it's called an fMRI. What that means is it's an MRI done while you're doing stuff. So there are studies where people are doing tasks that involve their executive functions. The first executive functions are in the frontal lobe of your brain, and they do things like planning, thinking ahead, learning from consequences. So what happens is, we have people do these tasks while we're scanning their brains. And you can see in ADHD people, when they're given a task that is of their executive functioning, their brain does not connect. Their neurons do not communicate as well as in the non-ADHD brain. And also, parts of the ADHD brain are more active where they kind of shouldn't be. So people are paying attention to stuff they shouldn't be paying attention to, and not paying attention to the stuff that they should be.Amanda: Now I want to go have an fMRI, but I'm not going to.Stephanie: Yeah. And it's not — fMRIs aren't standard parts of treatment. I get asked that a lot by parents. We don't have those as standard treatment, but in studies they do use them.Amanda: Right. So if most parents aren't going to get their child a brain scan, what are the other ways that we can tell that someone has ADHD?Stephanie: There are tests called executive function tests, and those are computer tests that you are given where you have a stimulus or a thing on the screen. And you're asked to press a space bar click or the mouse when you see the thing, and not when you don't see the thing. And one of the things that the executive function tests look for is your ability to have selective attention. Selective attention means that you're focused on the thing on the screen and you're blurring out everything else. So, that's something that people with ADHD have difficulties with. Also at your doctor's visit, you may be asked about a history of symptoms of your child or yourself. And you can fill out scales about that behavior. So those are ADHD rating scales. And we also ask a lot of questions about, you know, how things are at school and how things are at home and how they differ. We also ask what's worked in the past, too, for ADHD, because that makes a big difference in how we might be able to help you. We want to focus on what's worked well so we can get you further on the path to where you want to be.Lexi: So, Amanda. I want to know: How do you know that ADHD is real?Amanda: How do I know that ADHD is real? I know that ADHD is real because we have dinner and my son has slid under the table, and I'm just like, "Hey, can you sit up here? We're good, you know, your food's up here?" I know that ADHD is real because my husband sets a timer to get my son's bedtime routine going. And it's for both of them not just for my son. I know that ADHD is real because we have chosen, we made the choice, to use medication with our son. And when he doesn't take it, he's very scattered and he can say so. He can tell us that his brain is moving too fast. So we know it's real, because when he takes that medication, he slows down a little bit, too, and he can respond to other things that we're doing as well as medication. He can respond to lists and checklists and prompts, and things like that. And I know it's real because I feel like I am the only person in my house who's taking care of the executive functioning, like organizing and planning and all of those things.Amanda: Yeah, I mean there's just no way to not know it's real in our house.Caller: I realized ADHD was real when I had my daughter. She had these issues — not just focusing attention. She just has a whole lot of hyperactivity. And, you know, being that she's a 25-weeker, her brain development was truncated by the fact that she came out so premature.Andy: My name is Andy. I'm a dad and a psychologist who works with families of kids with learning and thinking differences. I also have ADHD myself.Andy: When people say that they don't believe in the existence of ADHD, for me it's like denying the existence of gravity. I spend so much time of my life describing unique brains to parents, teachers, and students. Also because my brain has this condition, if I could sort of animate or create an image of my brain, there would be butterflies and hummingbirds and sort of cats wandering around this really rich, colorful landscape. The challenge is that, you know, my brain is working so hard to try to sort and put this information together, and you know, it's harder at times to find all the treasures and information that's there. It's not always orderly or predictable or responding the same way as other people. But ultimately, when I've learned my strategies and I've taught strategies to the kids I work with, they're capable of doing as much or even more than other people who don't have this condition.Lexi: Amanda, we've been talking about some of the really unhelpful things that people say when they learned that your child has ADHD. I have this horrible feeling that I may have said some clueless things myself at one point or another, simply because I didn't know better at the time. So for people like me — people who really want to understand and be supportive — do you have any advice?Amanda: What I appreciate about what you just said is that you want to understand. And that's the part that I think is really important — the people who want to understand. And I think there are a lot of things that people say when they don't understand that come out poorly. Things like, "Oh, I don't want my kid to have that diagnosis. I don't want him to be labeled."Lexi: "Better you than me."Amanda: "Better you than me." Or "I don't know how you handle this." Or one of my least favorite phrases is, "You know, you don't have anything more than you can handle." And I'm always thinking I have more than I can handle all the time, right? But I think that just saying, like, "I want to understand this" and just saying sometimes — and you do this a lot — I think you say to me, like, "I don't think I'm going to get this right. But I have a question for you." And I think just naming that is really important. It helps me feel a lot less judged when people are saying to me, "I'm just really curious and I'm trying to figure this out. And I want to do what I can for you." And sometimes just not saying anything is really helpful.Lexi: Right. I wonder — and I'm just thinking about interactions that you've had with other parents of kids who have ADHD — whether or not they know that your kid has ADHD. Is it, I mean, do you ever encounter those times where you're running through your head how you can bring up whether or not ADHD is an issue for another family?Amanda: I tend not to ask, because I think they'll tell me if they want to tell me. But sometimes I'll give them the, you know, "Hey this looks really familiar," and that will give them the opening. Right. "Oh, this is really familiar, we deal with this in our house a lot." Or "He looks a lot like my kid right now." And it gives them that opening if they want to say anything, they can say something.Lexi: That's so smart.Amanda: So, Stephanie. People like grandparents, who — like it's maybe not something that's totally familiar to them — where you can't limit that interaction. What's the best way to sort of navigate that, when grandparents are saying, "Well we didn't have ADHD back in our day."Stephanie: It's OK if they don't believe that ADHD is real. But, you know, as parents, we choose to believe the research and believe the science that says this is a real thing, and we're going to treat it like that. And I think it's important to sit with grandparents and say, "OK, so these are the things that we do with our kids," because it's really important the grandparents and parents are on the same page."And these are the things that we would appreciate if we stuck with." Like if it's really important that your kids get outside for a certain amount of time, just to go out and play because being outside helps the ADHD brain kind of calm down, you can say to the grandparents, "Well, I'd really like it if the kids could be out like two hours a day playing — unsupervised playing, just free play."Amanda: Yeah, that's a really good way to handle that. I like that. You don't have, you know, you don't necessarily have to say, "I believe this is real," but here's what we're doing to help this child. I love that. I think it's a great idea. Thanks so much Stephanie I really appreciate your time.Stephanie: Oh, you're welcome. Anytime.Lexi: Can you think of a time when your son's ADHD came up and someone handled it well?Amanda: Definitely. One of the best experiences I ever had was — so I always worry about taking him to playdates, because I never know whether to say something. Do I not say something? Do I drop him off? Do I stay? Do I hover? Like all of those kinds of things. And I brought him to a playdate. And I started to say, I said, "You know, I just want to let you know he has ADHD." And the mom said, "Oh yeah, we've got that in our house too. We've got this handled." And I just went, whew, like that was such a relief. I felt like she knew how to handle this. And I felt like she was saying to me, "Go to the grocery store. Get your errands done without your kid. We've got this. We're in this with you."Lexi: Did you feel less worried about how he was going to do on a playdate, or did it alleviate needing to even think through how he would do?Amanda: I wasn't worried about how he would do. I was worried about how he'd be perceived, and that's what changed for me — I didn't have any concerns about the perceptions of the parents in that house anymore.Lexi: Yeah. Wow. Do you still playdate with that family?Amanda: All the time.Lexi: You've been listening to "In It," a podcast from Understood for Parents. Our website is Understood.org, where you can find all sorts of free resources for people raising kids with learning and thinking differences.Amanda: We also want to hear what you think of this podcast. "In It" is for you. So we want to make sure you're getting what you need.Lexi: Go to u.org/podcast to share your thoughts and find resources. That's the letter U, as in Understood.org/podcast.Amanda: And if you like what you heard today, please tell somebody about it. Share it with the parents at your bus stop. Tell your special education support group. Or send a link to your child's pediatrician. You can also go to Apple podcasts and rate us, which is a great way to let other people know about "In It."Lexi: You can subscribe to "In It" on Apple podcasts. Follow us on Spotify, or keep up with us however you listen to podcasts. Between episodes you can find Understood on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Or visit our website, u.org/podcast. That's the letter U, dot org, slash podcast.Amanda: And come back next time when we'll be talking about what happens when someone asks your child with dyslexia to read out loud.Amanda: Did you count until you got to your paragraph?Future guest, Jillian: Of course I counted. I still do that now. I'd count till you get to your paragraph. I'd go to the restroom when it was like two people before me and then stay there. So I'd know that it would be, like, two people after me.Lexi: If this rings a bell and you have a story to share, you can call in and leave a voice message that we just might use on the next episode of "In It." You'll find that number at u.org/podcast.Lexi: "In It" is a production of Understood for Parents. "In It" is produced by Blake Eskin of Noun and Verb Rodeo and Julie Subrin. Mike Errico wrote our theme music. And Laura Kusnyer is the director of editorial content at Understood for Parents.Amanda: Thank you so much for being in it with us, and thanks for listening.

  • ADHD and anger

    People with ADHD tend to feel emotions more intensely than other people do. At the same time, they often have a hard time managing those emotions. They may also have trouble keeping things in perspective. It’s all part of ADHD.Even small problems can spark an angry outburst. Kids might lash out at siblings for taking a toy. Adults might yell at a co-worker who misplaced something. And the anger may last a while.People with ADHD don’t want to overreact and lose their cool. In fact, they often feel terrible about it afterward. They need to develop the skills to keep a lid on their anger. Self-control is part of a group of skills called executive functions. People with ADHD often struggle with these skills. Many kids with ADHD develop more self-control as they get older. But some struggle with anger into adulthood. With practice, people can learn these skills.

  • The Opportunity Gap

    Bias in school discipline: When the teacher says your child is “acting out”

    Learn about bias in school discipline and what families of color can do if the teacher says your child is “acting out” in class. It’s an all-too-familiar situation for many families of color. The phone rings. It’s the school calling to say your child has been “acting out” in class again. In this episode about bias in school discipline, host Julian Saavedra talks with two guests:Busola Saka, a parent and the creator of Instagram’s @BlackBoyThriveJolie Battista, a former special education teacher who is an expert on positive behavioral interventions and supportsListen as they discuss key terms like implicit bias, significant disproportionality, and manifestation determination. Find out why these terms are extra important to know if you’re the parent of a child of color. And get actionable tips to help advocate for kids who have learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia.Related resources from UnderstoodWhy kids act out and how to helpWhy some kids play the “class clown”Understanding your child’s behavior as communication (podcast)What is PBIS (positive behavioral interventions and supports)?School discipline: What are the rights of kids with IEPs and 504 plans?Data sources and other informationBias isn’t just a police problem — it’s a preschool problem (NPR)Why, really, are so many Black kids suspended? (Education Week)Pandemic-era civil rights data is essential to inform special education equity (K–12 Dive)Significant disproportionality in special education: Trends among Black students (National Center for Learning Disabilities)New guidance helps schools support students with disabilities and avoid discriminatory use of discipline (U.S. Department of Education)Episode transcriptBusola: It was just one call after another, to where I would be at work and I can't function. You know, every time my phone rings, I'm like, "Oh, is it the school?" And if it is the school, my heart literally sinks because I'm like, "What is it now?"Julian: From the Understood Podcast Network, this is "The Opportunity Gap." Kids of color who have ADHD and other common learning differences often face a double stigma. But there's a lot that families can do to address the opportunity gap in our communities. This podcast explains key issues and offers tips to help you advocate for your child. My name is Julian Saavedra. I'm a father of two and an assistant principal in Philadelphia, where I've spent nearly 20 years working in public schools. I'll be your host.Today's episode focuses on that all familiar moment when you get a call from the teacher saying "Your child is acting out in class." We're going to talk a little bit about why this happens so often to so many families of color. We've all heard the term "implicit bias," but we're going to talk about how it can affect kids as young as pre-K. But mostly we're going to focus on what you can do about it. What questions can you ask when you get that call from school? What can families do to help teachers be proactive rather than reactive?To help me unpack all of this, I have two amazing guests for today's show. We're going to start with an amazing parent and then talk to an amazing educator and get actionable tips from both of them. Let's dive in. I'd like to introduce Busola Saka. She is a mother of a second grader and the founder of the organization called Black Boy Thrive. Welcome, Busola.Busola: Thank you, Julian.Julian: Let's talk about your experience. I mean, so from what I gather, we're both parents and we're both parents of little ones. I have a second grader, a daughter, and my son is in third grade. And, you know, sometimes we get those phone calls from school. We get those phone calls. And I'm on both ends because I'm also an assistant principal. So I'm the one making the calls sometimes. But now I get to see what it's like to hear them, too. You started getting phone calls from your son's school when he was in pre-K. Can you tell us about what the phone calls were about and what that was like?Busola: Yes, it was pre-K. He was 4 years old, and I had just accepted a role as a communications director at a nonprofit. And I would get phone calls in the middle of the day. And it's "Can you talk to him? He's not listening." And they put him on the phone and I'm like, "What is going on? What's happening?" But it was just these phone calls like, "Well, I can't handle him. Can you come and get him?" It was just one call after another to where I would be at work and I can't function. Every time my phone rings, I'm like, "Oh, is it the school?" And if it is the school, my heart literally sinks because I'm like, "What is it now?" So those phone calls were very stressful. They actually were one of the reasons why I decided to resign from my role at the time.Julian: So you stopped your job?Busola: I did. I resigned right before the pandemic started. It was just to the point where I just couldn't be at work and focus with the phone ringing all the time about one thing or another. So it was definitely very stressful.Julian: I can imagine. Why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about your son?Busola: My son is hilarious. He is very intuitive, very smart, very sensitive, very active. He loves soccer. He loves basketball. He's 7 years old now. And at the time when we started the public school system, he was 4. He can get very excited and animated and it's kind of hard to bring him down after he gets excited. But he's just a really great kid and it was very stressful for him.When I would ask him how his day was, he would go, "Well, did Miss So-and-so call you?" He would ask me that question first to determine how his day went. That was very concerning for me because I'm like, "I want to hear from you. Why do you think that you're in trouble every time I ask you how your day went?" So it was definitely a stressful situation for him as well as me.Julian: Let me ask, was he acting like this at home, too?Busola: No. And that was one of the concerns that we had. He was fine at home. The teachers would send work home because he didn't finish it in class, and he would do it in 5 minutes. And he's done. And I'm like, "I thought they said you didn't get this. Why are you doing it so quickly?"Julian: Sounds like this is a lot like my son.Busola: Is your son very social?Julian: He is. But sometimes he gets distracted. And when he has to sit and focus, he'll get the work done. He'll do it in 5 minutes. And I'm like, "You should have finished this school at school." "But Dad, I was having fun." Oh, OK. I understand. You know, and again, for the listeners that might not be able to see us, both Bulosa and I are Black folks, and this is a young man that is a Black boy. And he was experiencing this type of — I don't want to call it labeling, but it seems like there was some implicit bias that was coming out in the way that his teachers were interacting with him. Do you want to tell us a little bit more about the suspensions and the labeling that was happening with them and how race might have played a role in that?Busola: Absolutely. So it was a class of 24 children and he's the only Black child in the class. There was definitely some implicit bias going on, which I didn't really know about or understand until after the fact. So it was one of those things where it's like, "What about the other kids?" Or "Are you calling their parents? What's going on here?"I think what did it for me was when we had to go meet with the principal, which I'm sure you've had many meetings like that before. And the teacher said "He got aggressive with me." As a Black parents, when you hear that your Black son was described as aggressive, that is not very settling. Because this is in pre-K. He was 4 years old. So you hear he was aggressive and you're like "Aggressive how? What does that mean?" We had to go see doctors about and sit in the principal's office about. Talk to the child psychologist about at the school. It was just a lot of situations where normal behavior started to become a problem. And then you wonder, what about the other kids? Are they sitting — 4-year-olds don't sit still for long periods of time.So there was definitely that implicit bias going on, and that really led me to do a lot of research on that topic. And that's when I stumbled on the Yale research, where it says bias against Black men starts in pre-K. And that shook me. And it made sense. It clicked. When we start to see Black boys this way when they're so young, that follows them throughout their entire education, when they get jobs or whatever they decide to do. That stigma follows them throughout their — throughout the system.Julian: I mean, I'm just floored that an educator had the nerve to call your son aggressive at 4 years old — 4 years old! Right? Like that — and thank goodness that he had a mother that was willing to go to bat for him from the beginning and understood how she could support him. Was there anything else that was occurring in relation to his academics or his ability to do academic work?Busola: Not at all. He's a very smart kid when it comes to academics. He would, like I said, do his homework in 5 minutes and he's done and he would get it all right. So he was paying attention. He was listening. He was learning. But he was not learning or paying attention or listening in the way that we expect. And this is when he was in pre-K and we were asked to go test him for ADHD, to have him evaluated.Julian: And the school the school made that recommendation?Busola: Yes, the school did. Then you run into getting him evaluated and doctor's offices or a psychologist are like "We don't evaluate until they're like 6." So for us, it was this very frustrating waiting game. Is something wrong, or is something not wrong? And then when do we find out if something's wrong? And then what do we do in the meantime? That period of time where he still has to go to school and we're still getting these phone calls and we're still running into these issues.Julian: Tell us how you went from that experience to then deciding to start a nonprofit specifically focusing on our Black boys thriving?Busola: I started Black Boy Thrive on Instagram during the pandemic. It was the summer. I had quit my job. I was home with nothing else to do. Chased my two kids around.Julian: Well you're raising a a baby. So you got that. That's a full-time job in and of itself.Busola: And they were, I think, 5 and 3, or almost 5 and 3 at the time. And so doing some research and then deciding, hey, someone needs to talk about this. I don't see anyone talking about this. I don't see or hear parents' voices. And I tell you, when I launched the platform first on Instagram, I got so many DMs, so many text messages, so many phone calls from moms like me, from Black moms who are like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad that we are having this conversation. I'm so glad that this is — you're raising this issue because I went through this. I went through that."And I heard stories of people saying their Black son was kicked out of daycare because he was bigger than the other kids and the other kids felt threatened. You hear stories of people saying, "You know, my son was holding a pencil really tight and teacher thought he was going to stab her with a pencil." It's a really big issue that we really need to pay attention to. We really need to come together as a community about and make sure that our Black boys are getting the education they need without feeling like they're being watched all the time. Or feeling like they have these labels on them and they start to hate school.Julian: Busola, if I were to ask you the answer to that question, how do we help our Black boys thrive?Busola: Build a relationship with the teachers. I walk my kids right to the door of the classroom. I have a quick conversation with the teacher every single morning, just to let them know that I'm involved, that I'm here, that if they have any questions, they can always reach out to me. They all have my phone number. Call me. Let's talk through whatever challenges that you're having. And it's very important to have that face-to-face time with teachers, even if it's 2 minutes every day or an email at the end of the week just to check in, let them know that you are involved.Julian: I love that you named it Black Boy Thrive, because that's the goal. We want them not only to just be OK. We want them to be their best selves. We want them to thrive because they deserve it. And we know they deserve it.My next guest is an educator with insider tips for parents. Jolie Battista spent 15 years as a special education teacher. She also worked at the state level, training teachers how to use positive behavior support systems. So Jolie, I've heard in my career and I'm sure you've heard of it a lot: Sometimes schools or adults will use the phrase "acting out." What do you think about that phrase?Jolie: When I hear the term "acting out" and I hear it as an educator, think of most people were disciplining students that are acting out because we're only looking at the behavior. But we're not really thinking about the acting out. The message behind the acting out. The child is acting out in some way because that's the way they're communicating how they're feeling. Because maybe the kid's young and they don't know how to express "I'm angry" or "I'm feeling this way." So they throw a desk or throw a chair. But there really is, I think, more meaning behind the term "acting out" than we typically think of.Julian: I mean, I tend to think of it as, you know, the metaphor of of the iceberg, right? Like you only see the very tip of the iceberg. But there's so many things underneath the water that unless you're diving deep, you have no idea how large that iceberg is. And what are some of the most common reasons kids choose to behave in certain ways? What do you think they're trying to communicate?Jolie: In my time of being a teacher, I would see, you know, the most vivid picture would be a student, you know, that has struggle reading. And so, you know, sometimes teachers, we call out, we put we put a kid on blast, if you will, and say, read the next paragraph, Julian. And it's like, "I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my peers. I'm not reading this." There's so many other different scenarios that you can think of: the kid that likes to get attention, so they're cracking jokes or making fun of the teacher or the paraprofessional.Julian: Yeah, I mean, everything you're mentioning, they fall into typical behaviors that we see where the attention-seeking, the — you mentioned with reading. And we know that our babies with dyslexia, like that's a real thing that can be a giant struggle. And going back to you know, the idea of acting out, I don't allow the teachers I work with to use that. You know, I always reinforce that it's not acting out. This is communication. So what what is this child trying to communicate to you?Thinking about the conversation I had earlier with Busola, her experience — it's such a powerful reminder of how race can affect how teachers respond to certain behaviors. I spoke with Busola about the idea of implicit bias. But there's also another term that is incredibly important for Black and brown families to know about. What is "significant disproportionality"?Jolie: It really just means an overrepresentation of a particular race, of a student in that disabling condition. If you're African American and you're three times more likely to be placed in a behavior or disabilities program, that's a red flag.Julian: Can you share about how that relates to the other side, suspensions? Is there significant disproportionality in suspensions, and what does that mean?Jolie: So, yes, data shows that African American students were being disciplined almost five times more frequently than any other student. Data also shows that students with disabilities are typically disciplined three times more often than their non-disabled peers. So now we're talking about we have two groups of students that are already at higher risk for discipline. And so I think that the federal government said now in this significant disproportionality category, we need to start looking closer to see why are students in a certain program or a certain gender or certain race now being suspended?And suspensions doesn't always mean out-of-school suspensions, in-school suspensions. Basically, any time they're removed from what program their Individual Education Plan or their IEP says that's where they're supposed to be instructed. You want to start to look at why is this happening? And then looking at the patterns of how many days out — are you missing your instruction? And when you look at that, it can be alarming, whether it's a learning disability or a behavioral disability. We need to do a little bit more to instruct this kid.And so now if we're suspending and we're disciplining, this student's becoming way disconnected. And then you're going to see way other data, that it's going to have a ripple effect. Because now the kid don't want to come to school. "I feel disengaged. I don't want to go to a —" Who wants to go somewhere where they're not liked? No one. Who wants to go somewhere where they don't feel comfortable or valued? No one. So then you'll start to see students being absent, dropout rates increasing, and then the trajectory of that kid's life is altered. It's changed.Julian: What advice do you have for our parents today? What do you think they should do?Jolie: I don't think anybody anticipates to go to enroll their kid in a school and think they're going to have a bad relationship with any teacher or any principal, any vice principal, any staff member. But it happens. And it happened to me. And as a parent, everything became reactive. And I was frustrated myself and I wanted my daughter out of this classroom. I can't stand this teacher. I don't even want to talk to her. I don't even want her to call my phone.If I was proactive, I might have been able to not had to have all of those reactions. I always share with parents, like the first thing to be proactive is: Your kid's going to get a new teacher the next year. Reach out, form a connection with the school. So that's always my first — to try to be part of the school community. And sometimes it's hard. I was a single working mom. I couldn't make it to PTA. I wasn't a PTA mom. I couldn't do that.And now it's a little bit easier. My kids, when they were in school, there weren't like ClassDojo and these PowerSchool systems and parent portals — that didn't exist. So I would really suggest and recommend to make sure that parents have an open line of communication, you know, with their teachers, with the school. Send a message through an app: "Hey, you know, I'm such-and-such parent. I just want to let you know...." Just having an open line of communication, I think, is the first proactive and pro-social step, so that hopefully when you do that, it builds a little bit of a relationship and so that the interactions aren't always going to be that the teacher or the school is calling you when there's an issue — like a bad issue, like "Your kids doing this today!"Julian: And so on the flip side, I would highly encourage any parenting adults or any family members that feel like their child is getting targeted or their child is not getting a fair shot, I would put it back on the teacher and ask directly: "Tell me about the conditions that you're creating for children to thrive. And explain to me what your definition of "acting out" is. I'd like to know, because I want to make sure that we're on the same page about behavior." You know, ultimately the teacher and the family at home, we need to be on the same page.Jolie: And I think that conversation should look at patterns — patterns like do you know that, you know, in the course of October, every English language arts class of, you know, Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so, my kid was sent out. Do you guys see a pattern here? Yes.My favorite thing to tell parents, and especially in special education, we document everything. Everything is about a pattern. Everything is about data. So, I mean, even every time the school might call you, log those calls: Called on 9/7, second day of school because — I'm just making up a date — because the student's, you know, was out of uniform. Like, these are the silly calls that I think are just ridiculous sometimes. But that's just my personal opinion.When you start to actually look at those patterns, sometimes, more often than not, you will see — if your child is in middle school or high school and has, let's say, five teachers throughout the course of the day. But it's the same consequence coming from the same period, the same math teacher. What's going on in the math classroom? Let's let's talk about that.Julian: So, Jolie, last thing, last thing I want to ask you. Especially for our children that fall under the "learning and thinking differences" category. Can you talk about their rights, especially related to discipline and consequences?Jolie: So this is a — this is heavy, and I'll try to keep it as succinct as possible. Succinct. So any time a student is in the process of a referral to special education, maybe, you know, a parent has has a concern and notices something different and says, "You know, I think my kid needs to be tested." Once that referral is made, all of your parental rights under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act kicks in. It is a federal law. And what happens is your child, if they become disciplined, they — you know, it's not to say that a student that is classified or eligible for special education services, it doesn't mean that they cannot be disciplined. Sometimes this is a myth that people believe.But what is true is — what is true is that there are certain laws and protections. And the technical term under IDEA is what's called a manifestation determination. Which basically means, you know, maybe I am a student that is classified and let's say I have ADHD, so I'm very impulsive. Right? (This is true, by the way.) When the team meets and says, "OK, before we suspend Jolie, let's think about — the very first question is, 'Was this behavior — is this thing that she just did — is this really a manifestation of her disability?'" So you shouldn't really penalize me for that, because that's how my brain functions. If the characteristic of your behavior is part of your disability, you shouldn't be overdisciplined, because that's not ever going to work. We need to start talking about how can we teach you replacement skills?So that's one of the things about a manifestation determination. It boils down to two questions. The first question is that and then the second question is a really, really, to me, powerful question, not just as a parent, but as an educator. And that second question is, "Was the behavior caused by the school's failure to implement your child's IEP, Individual Education Plan?" So if the school — if my plan says that I need frequent breaks because I need to chunk my information, take it, and process it, and the teacher doesn't allow me to do that, and so now I'm overwhelmed and I'm frustrated and I act out? You didn't give me what it said I needed. And therefore, why is it my fault? And why should I be suspended or removed from the classroom? You didn't do what my plan says I need. And that's very, very important.Julian: I wish we could spend another hour together because you have so much knowledge, and we appreciate everything you shared with us today. Anybody listening has gained a lot of information they can use to support the children in their life.So before we go, I want to leave everyone listening with a few key takeaways.Number one: Behavior is communication. Behavior is communication. When a child is trying to communicate something, it's not about respecting or not respecting or not falling into line. It's about communication. So as a parenting adult, look for the patterns.Number two: Be proactive. Parents should reach out before the calls happen. Let the teachers and the school staff know that you are an involved person. And so if that call does happen, there is a relationship that's already been built. Cookies, candy, and other snacks are always appreciated.Number three: Know your rights. We heard the term "significant disproportionality." We heard the term "manifestation determination." You can use these terms to help advocate for your child.You've been listening to "The Opportunity Gap" from the Understood Podcast Network. This show is for you. So we want to make sure you're getting what you need. Is there a topic you'd like us to cover? We want to hear from you. Email us at OpportunityGap@Understood.org.If you want to learn more about the topics we covered today, check out the show notes for this episode. We include more resources as well as links to anything we mentioned in the episode.Understood.org is a resource dedicated to helping people who learn and think differently discover their potential and thrive. Learn more at Understood.org/mission."The Opportunity Gap" is produced by Julie Rawe and edited by Cin Pim. Briana Berry is our production director. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. For the Understood Podcast Network, Laura Key is our editorial director, Scott Cocchiere is our creative director, and Seth Melnick is our executive producer. Thanks for listening. See you next time. 

  • ADHD and co-occurring conditions by the numbers

    It’s common for kids with ADHD to also have other conditions. (You may hear this called comorbidity.) Research shows that learning disabilities and mental health issues impact kids with ADHD at higher rates than kids who don’t have ADHD. We worked with Understood expert Thomas Brown to break down the numbers.Learning disabilities that co-occur with ADHDStudies show that as many as 45 percent of kids with ADHD also have a learning disability. Only about 5 percent of kids without ADHD have one.According to a large study of kids with ADHD and learning disabilities:65 percent struggled with written expression.32 percent struggled with reading. 30 percent struggled with math.What’s the connection? ADHD is a problem with executive functions, like organization, attention, and planning. This may create other challenges. For example, kids with ADHD can struggle with working memory, which they need for reading. Mental health issues that co-occur with ADHDKids with ADHD are up to 5 times more likely to have depression compared to kids who don’t have ADHD. A prominent study found that 14 percent of kids with ADHD also have depression. Other studies make even higher estimates.Kids with ADHD are up to 3 times more likely to have an anxiety disorder than kids who don’t have ADHD. A prominent study found that 18 percent of kids with ADHD also have anxiety disorder. Other studies make even higher estimates.Studies also show that 15 to 50 percent of kids with ADHD have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).What’s the connection? We don’t know a lot about the link between ADHD and mental health issues. However, ADHD can cause trouble with emotions, which could impact mental health.It’s common for ADHD and other conditions to co-occurProfessionals who evaluate for ADHD also check for other conditions and vice versa. If you think your child may have a learning disability or mental health issue, reach out to your child’s health care provider. You can also request a free school evaluation at any time.* The numbers and the research in this article are from Outside the Box: Rethinking ADD/ADHD in Children and Adults, A Practical Guide, by Thomas E. Brown, PhD.

  • Why messiness can make kids anxious

    For some kids, messiness is a choice. They’re not upset by mess or clutter and can clean up when they need to or want to. But for kids who struggle with organization, like many kids with ADHD, messiness is a challenge, not a choice. And it can cause a lot of anxiety.Getting and staying organized isn’t simple. It involves a number of steps. And it requires skills like planning and staying focused. When kids have trouble with these skills, the process of getting organized can leave them feeling overwhelmed and anxious. And if they get in trouble for being messy, anxiety can build.Learn more about messiness and anxiety, and how to help.Trouble with organizationFor kids to be organized, they need to rely on a group of mental skills called executive functions. These skills allow kids to start and complete tasks, like picking up their things and putting them away.Young kids may have a hard time with organization because their executive function skills are still developing. But kids who continue to struggle as they get older may have executive function challenges. Trouble with organization and other executive skills is common in kids with ADHD. That’s because ADHD is a problem with executive function. Kids who struggle with organization aren’t messy on purpose. They may even hate being surrounded by clutter or find it overwhelming. Why messiness and clutter cause anxietyKids who struggle with organization on a daily basis are often stressed. The constant search for materials. The loss of important items. And questions from adults: “When did you last have your ______ (notebook, homework, shoes, etc.)?” The experience can be frustrating — and embarrassing. Picture the teacher standing impatiently by your side as you frantically search through crumpled papers for your homework. Or your classmates laughing at the sight of your overstuffed backpack. Or looking at a huge pile of clutter to clean up at home and being overwhelmed at the sight of it. Imagine how anxious and ashamed you might feel about your performance and personal space. Anxiety can show up in different ways and look different from child to child. When kids face ongoing stress, they may:Withdraw from peopleBe irritableMisbehaveWorry about something bad happening Many kids with ADHD also have an anxiety disorder. The two disorders often co-occur, and their symptoms can look similar. Both can make organization difficult. Ways to helpThere are ways to help your child become more organized and feel less anxious. Here are some tips:Use a checklist. Be sure to include step-by-step instructions and due dates to help kids stay on track. Take advantage of color-coded folders. Folders can help kids keep items in one spot so they’re easy to find. Practice organization. Learning and thinking differences like ADHD can make it hard to stay neat. Extra practice and support are helpful. For example, you can model how you organize the mail at home or the materials in your work bag. It can be frustrating to have a messy child. But your child is probably frustrated, too. Knowing you understand their challenges can make a big difference in how your child feels. Learn more about ADHD and messiness. Get tips for organizing your child’s backpack. And see what a day in the life of a child with executive function challenges is like. 

  • What causes trouble with self-control?

    Kids can struggle with self-control for lots of reasons. Some kids take longer than others to develop self-control. So it’s sometimes a matter of catching up— especially when kids are young for their grade.But trouble with self-control isn’t always just a matter of catching up. It can be a sign of the frustration and anxiety that come with struggling in school. ADHD can also cause challenges with self-control.And sometimes what looks like a lack of self-control is actually a lack of social skills. It’s hard for kids to follow social rules if they don’t know when they’re breaking them.With the right support, kids can improve their self-control. Learn more about what can cause trouble with self-control, and how to help. ADHD and self-controlWhat it is: A common condition that makes it hard to focus. It can also cause trouble with impulse control, organization, and other skills called executive functions.The self-control connection: ADHD affects the brain’s ability to “hit the brakes” and think through consequences before doing something. So kids may do or say something before they’ve had a chance to consider their options. ADHD can also make it hard to manage emotions. Fidgeting, interrupting, and trouble taking turns can be signs of ADHD, too. There are also symptoms of ADHD that show up at different ages. Learning differences and self-controlWhat they are: Trouble with reading, writing, or math. Kids who struggle in these areas are as smart as their classmates but are often misunderstood. Others may think kids aren’t trying hard enough or that they can’t improve their skills.The self-control connection: Kids with learning differences often get frustrated when they don’t do well at something, even when they’re trying really hard. It’s also common for them to feel anxious about school. That can lead them to quickly give up on homework and tests.Kids may break pencils, crumple up homework, or refuse to go to school. What looks like lack of self-control could be a sign that kids are feeling overwhelmed by school. Sensory processing challenges and self-controlWhat it is: Trouble processing sensory information like sights, sounds, flavors, smells, and textures. Kids with sensory processing challenges may also have trouble knowing when they feel full, hungry, thirsty, hot, or cold. It can affect how kids move, too.The self-control connection: Kids might try to run away from situations that are overwhelming. They might refuse to wear certain clothes or try new foods. Or they might have a sensory meltdown that they can’t control.Some kids seek out sensations in ways that annoy other people, like tapping them or pacing around the room. Or they might pull back from a hug or erupt in anger after getting bumped into. Trouble with social skills and self-controlWhat it is: Difficulty understanding social cues like body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. Some kids may have trouble communicating in ways that are appropriate for a situation.The self-control connection: It’s hard to follow social rules when you don’t understand them or don’t notice that you’re breaking them. Kids who struggle with social skills might stand too close to people, cut in line, or ask too many questions. They might talk a lot or have trouble “reading the room” and taking part in conversations. Other kids might get fixated on a topic or idea and have trouble moving on to something new. Trouble with motor skills and self-controlWhat it is: Motor skills help people make physical movements. Gross motor skills involve large muscles in the arms, legs, and torso. Fine motor skills involve small muscles in the hands and wrists.The self-control connection: Trouble with motor skills makes it hard to move gracefully. Kids may drop things or bump into or push people. In some cases they might speak too loudly.These difficulties are often misunderstood. Others may think kids are being disruptive on purpose. No matter what’s causing the trouble with self-control, there are ways to help. Families and educators can work together to understand why kids are struggling. Start by sharing notes on what you’re seeing. Talk together about strategies to try at school and at home.

  • 8 safe-driving tips for teens with ADHD

    Teen drivers have to learn many new skills, like judging how far away a moving car is and anticipating what other drivers are going to do. It can be extra hard for teens with ADHD to learn safe driving skills. They may need different strategies — and lots of practice.Being a safe driver requires executive function skills. This includes paying attention to the road and being able to make quick, accurate judgment calls. For teens with ADHD, these skills are often a challenge.There’s a special type of driving instructor who works with new drivers with ADHD. These professionals are called driving rehabilitation specialists (or driver rehabilitation specialists). Here are eight tips from certified driver rehabilitation specialist Amanda Plourde. You can use them to help your teen with ADHD learn safe driving skills.1. Practice active scanning.Driving requires knowing what’s happening ahead of you, behind you, and right next to you. This skill is called active scanning, and it involves a number of executive functions that kids with ADHD struggle with, including attention and working memory. To help build this skill, have your child describe what’s going on around you when you’re driving together. Give examples of specific things to look for, like crosswalks, turn signals, stop signs, and side streets where cars may be pulling out. 2. Talk about intersections.Intersections can be confusing — and complicated. There are different types (lights versus stop signs) and rules about who goes when. These rules may be hard for kids with ADHD to remember in the moment. Pull over before you approach an intersection and talk through what to do. Make sure your teen understand concepts like “right of way” and “yield,” and which lane it’s OK to turn from.3. Use stickers on the steering wheel.When there’s so much else going on, even remembering which way to turn the wheel can be tough. Use stickers as a reminder. Mark the right side of the steering wheel with a sticker to help your teen remember which side is right and which is left. You can also put a sticker on the 12:00 position of the steering wheel.4. Stick to familiar routes.Teens with ADHD often have trouble with planning and thinking about things in different ways. That’s why it helps to stick to familiar routes at first. Your teen can focus on building skills without feeling stressed about figuring out a new route. For example, you might have your child practice making left turns at the same intersection before dealing with unfamiliar intersections.5. Cut down on distractions.It’s hard enough for a new driver to pay attention to the road. Add music and other passengers to the mix, and focusing gets even harder. Often, state law restricts the number and type of passengers new drivers can have. But you can keep limits in place for your child for even longer, or add other restrictions.6. Give extra practice.Once teens get their permit, most states require a set number of driving hours before they take their road test. Some states even require several hours of formal driving instruction. You might consider doubling that amount to give your teen with ADHD extra time to build skills before driving solo.7. Keep an eye on medication use.For teens who take ADHD medication, it’s important that it’s in full effect while they’re driving. Talk with your child’s prescriber about medication and driving. Ask whether the dosage or timing needs to be adjusted, so it works during driving time.8. Ask the instructor about experience with ADHD.For teens with ADHD taking driving lessons, it helps to have an instructor who understands ADHD. Ask if your child’s instructor has experience working with teens with ADHD. The instructor may have or know about other helpful strategies.If the instructor has experience, ask how those students with ADHD did. Teens with IEPs can even share it with the instructor. It could give the instructor ideas for how to tailor driving instruction.Keep in mind that while some teens are eager to learn to drive, others may be scared. Talk openly about whether your teen feels ready. It’s a big challenge to tackle, and pushing it can make it more difficult.The more supported teens feel, the more likely they are to build the confidence and skills needed to be a good driver. Read about a study on teen drivers with ADHD. And learn about the connection between ADHD and risky behavior.

  • What are learning and thinking differences?

    Learning and thinking differences are lifelong challenges that impact skills like reading, writing, math, and focus. They’re caused by differences in how the brain processes information.Some learning and thinking differences are learning disabilities like dyslexia. Others are difficulties with important skills people use for learning, for working, and in everyday living.For the nearly 70 million people who have them, these differences can make school, work, and everyday life hard. But there are many supports that can help kids, young adults, and adults who think and learn differently thrive.Types of learning and thinking differencesDyslexia and ADHD are the most common and well-known differences. You probably know someone who has one or both — or maybe you have them yourself. ADHD, for example, is the most common condition in childhood. And an estimated 5 to 10 percent of people have dyslexia.But there are other challenges you may not have heard of. For instance, dyscalculia is a learning disability in math. Experts think it’s as common as dyslexia. Other challenges include:Language disorders, like receptive language disorder and expressive language disorderWritten expression disorderTrouble with executive functionSlow processing speed Sensory processing challengesMany people who learn and think differently struggle in more than one area. That’s because some conditions often occur together.Myths and truths about learning and thinking differencesDespite all we know about learning and thinking differences, myths still exist. One is that these challenges aren’t real. Another is that people are just being lazy. There’s also a myth that people who learn and think differently can’t have successful careers.Here’s the truth: Learning and thinking differences are real challenges that are based in biology.Studies using brain scans have shown differences in how the brain functions and is structured. Experts also believe that genetics plays a role. Learning and thinking differences tend to run in families.The biggest myth might be that people who learn and think differently aren’t smart. Learning and thinking differences aren’t related to intelligence. People who have them are as smart as other people. And they have strengths, talents, and interests that can help them work on challenges.Learning and thinking differences impact people in different ways. But there are strategies and supports at school and at work that can help kids and adults thrive.Experience what it’s like to learn and think differently.See a typical day in the life of kids with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and ADHD. 

  • 6 tips for developing job skills at home

    You can do a lot at home to get teens ready for their first job. Here are six tips to help teens with learning and thinking differences walk onto the job feeling confident and capable. 1. Cultivate communication.Teens with social skills issues can benefit greatly from role-playing at home. Your teen can practice business basics like shaking hands, making eye contact, and asking questions while you pose as a customer, co-worker, or supervisor. Discuss what personal information is (and isn’t) appropriate to share. (For instance, it’s fine for teens to discuss what they did last weekend — but probably not what medications they take.) Other ideas: doing mock job interviews, teaching basic phone etiquette, and having teens practice asking for help or accommodations.2. Promote practical skills.Your home can be a real learning lab. Teens who have math issues can organize the money in your wallet and work on making change. Teens who have trouble with reading or writing can practice writing down phone messages. Learning to work in the kitchen can boost organizational skills, not to mention help your teen find a food service position. If your teen leans toward an office position, encourage working on computer skills and helping you with filing.3. Use chores to teach.Chores help kids learn responsibility and basic skills without judgment or risk. To build organizational skills, put your teen in charge of sorting the family mail and tidying the TV room. Help your teen make a schedule and practice keeping up with it. Teens who have trouble following directions can use their phone to take video of how to do multi-step tasks, such as ironing shirts or washing the dog.4. Teach timeliness.Punctuality is important to employers. Some teens have challenges with executive functions and may lose track of time. You can help them develop strategies that will make it easier for them to be punctual. Teens can wear a watch and use the alerts and calendar features on a cell phone, if they have one. Be firm about teens showing up when expected, and praise them when they do.5. Practice following directions.On the job, supervisors may list several tasks at once. This can be a challenge for teens with executive functioning issues. Practice at home by giving your teen to-do lists. Then help develop strategies for remembering them. For example, if memorizing is difficult, your teen can practice taking notes on a small pad or record the list on a phone. You can also make some instructions unclear, so your teen can become comfortable asking questions to clarify what you want.6. Help your teen volunteer.Volunteering provides the opportunity for teens to gain practical experience. Since there’s no pay, those who bring teens on board are more likely to be supportive and patient. If your teen can’t find a position, use your personal network to help find opportunities. Perhaps a relative needs help at their shop. Or your church might need someone to answer phones. Through experience, teens will learn that they can work on their own.

  • Learning and thinking differences that cause trouble with spelling

    Many kids and adults have trouble with spelling. And they may struggle for different reasons. That’s because spelling is a complex activity that involves many skills.Spellers have to think about how words sound and then translate those sounds into print. They have to memorize lots of spelling rules — and remember the exceptions to those rules. They also have to choose between different words that sound the same: Sent, cent, or scent? There, they’re, or their?Kids and adults can be very smart and have trouble with spelling. Some people are fast thinkers but slow spellers. They may be full of ideas but only write down a few words because spelling takes so much time and energy.Here are learning and thinking differences that can cause trouble with spelling.How dyslexia can affect spellingWhat it is: Dyslexia is a common learning difference that affects reading. It makes it hard to isolate the sounds in words, match those sounds to letters, and blend sounds into words. Learning to spell may be even harder than learning to read for some people with dyslexia.The spelling connection: People with dyslexia often confuse letters that sound alike. Vowels can be especially tricky. People with dyslexia may mix up the order of letters (felt for left). They may also misspell common sight words, even after lots of practice.Strategies to try:Teach phonics rules to help build a strong foundation that connects letter sounds with letter symbols.Help spelling instruction “stick” by engaging more than one sense, like sight, sound, and touch.Focus on word history, structure, and meaning.Let students take spelling tests orally instead of writing the answers.How ADHD can affect spellingWhat it is: ADHD makes it hard to pay attention. It also affects impulse control, organization, and other skills called executive functions.The spelling connection: Trouble with focus makes it hard to notice spelling mistakes. People with ADHD often leave out letters, use the wrong ones, or put them in the wrong order. ADHD can make it harder to commit words and spelling rules to memory. ADHD can also make it harder for the brain to organize information and retrieve it when needed.Strategies to try:Try focus techniques when memorizing spelling words, like bouncing a ball while saying the letters in a word or tapping a finger with each letter or syllable.Build in time to move around during brain breaks.Teach self-regulation strategies that help writers with tasks like planning, revising, and proofreading.Encourage kids with ADHD to slow down during homework or tests. Give a list of items to check before they hand in their work.How dysgraphia can affect spellingWhat it is: Dysgraphia is difficulty with writing that makes it hard to write neatly and at an age-appropriate speed. Many people with dysgraphia also struggle to put their thoughts down on paper. This is sometimes called disorder of written expression.The spelling connection: People with dysgraphia have trouble getting words on paper, either by handwriting or typing them. They may have a hard time holding a pencil properly or remembering how to write a word. They may also misspell the same word in many different ways.Strategies to try:Work on fine motor skills used for writing and typing.Use tools like pencil grips and slant boards to encourage neater writing.Use graphic organizers to help writers organize their thoughts.Offer oral spelling tests instead of written ones.How other differences can affect spellingWhat they are: Difficulty processing auditory information makes it hard to make sense of what the ear hears. This includes recognizing different sounds in words. Difficulty processing visual information makes it hard to make sense of what the eye sees.The spelling connection: Auditory trouble can make it hard to recognize subtle differences in the sounds in words. It can make it hard to follow spelling lessons, especially in a noisy classroom. This can lead to things like skipping letters or putting them in the wrong order.Trouble with visual processing can make it hard to do things like memorize spelling patterns or notice the difference between letters like p and q.Strategies to try:Sit near the teacher and away from noisy doors or windows.Work with a speech therapist on perception of individual sounds in words. This can also help develop active listening skills.Give spelling tests one-on-one in a quiet room or with headphones playing a recording of the words that need to be spelled.Avoid crowding spelling words together on a page. Give each one some space.Provide oral as well as written instructions when teaching spelling rules.A note about spellchecking programsComputer spellchecking programs can be a big help for kids and adults who struggle with spelling. But these programs won’t help build spelling skills. Focus on building a solid foundation. Educators typically don’t recommend spellcheck for kids before fifth grade.

  • The 3 areas of executive function

    Not all experts look at executive function in the same way. But many view it as a group of important skills that include: Paying attention Organizing and planning Starting tasks and staying focused on them Managing emotions Keeping track of what you’re doingThese skills can impact people at home, in the workplace, at school, and in social situations.The three areas of executive functionAccording to many experts, the five executive function skills listed above fit under these three umbrellas:1. Working memory What it is: The ability to keep information in mind and then use it in some wayExample: An employee might use this skill to hold on to information needed to work on a bigger project, like a presentation or a report. 2. Cognitive flexibility (flexible thinking) What it is: The ability to think about something in more than one wayExample: A student might use this skill to answer a math problem in two ways or to find relationships between different concepts. 3. Inhibitory control (includes self-control) What it is: The ability to ignore distractions and resist temptationExample: A child might use this skill to keep from blurting out an answer in class or to stay seated until dinner is done. Inhibitory control also keeps people from acting impulsively. Skills related to executive functionHere are some other skills that might be hard for people who struggle with executive function.Reflection: Reflection is a process that allows people to stop and think before they respond to something. This skill is key for solving problems. The more they practice it, the better adults and kids get at reflection. Processing speed: People need to go through a reflection process quickly in order to solve problems on time. That’s where processing speed comes in. Some experts view this skill as the engine that drives how well people use executive function skills to solve problems and achieve goals. Learn how emotions can impact executive function. Find out how kids use executive functions to learn.

  • ADHD or Immaturity? What the Research Really Means for Parents

    A few months ago a short article in the New York Times asked “Is It Really ADHD or Just Immaturity?” It’s a question I often hear.The article was based on a study done in Taiwan. Researchers studied the records of almost 379,000 children between the ages of 4 and 17. They wanted to know if the youngest in each age group were more likely to be diagnosed and treated for ADHD than the older ones.The answer, results showed, is yes. The youngest in each grade did have a greater chance of being diagnosed and treated.While there are cases when kids are misdiagnosed with ADHD (and cases when they’re underdiagnosed), the study didn’t address that. But here are a few facts about the study that you might want to consider: Only a small percentage of kids in any grade were diagnosed with ADHD.The differences between the younger group and the older group were not huge. In the older group, only 1.8 percent were diagnosed with ADHD; in the younger group, 2.9 percent got that diagnosis.The predicted difference between youngest and oldest was found in preschoolers and grade-schoolers. It wasn’t found in tweens or teens.The effect of being the youngest was not as consistent with girls as with boys.The study was not able to take into account how severe the child’s ADHD was. It also didn’t look at family history of ADHD or environmental factors that could impact the results.These factors are important for parents to keep in mind—especially parents of a child who is the youngest in his grade and who shows signs of ADHD. Should his parents hold him back a grade so he can gain more maturity before being diagnosed or treated?And what if a child has already been diagnosed? Should his parents hold him back and delay treatment to see if he functions better in school when he’s the oldest in his grade?The answer I usually give them is no. That’s because kids with ADHD are less mature than their peers. That’s what ADHD is: an immaturity of the brain’s infrastructure. That immaturity impacts a child’s executive functions, including attention and self-control. If a child is much younger than others in his grade, he may appear even more immature.That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to hold kids back, however, or delay getting a diagnosis in the hope that they will mature fast enough to catch up.The rate at which brain infrastructure matures can vary greatly, even within the same age group. There’s no guarantee that the necessary changes will happen in a year. And just holding a child back without treating ADHD can create additional problems. A one-year delay can hurt him both socially and academically.The research cited in the article didn’t really focus on those factors. That’s why I would tell parents not to view this study as a reason to take a wait-and-see approach. It occasionally makes sense to delay kindergarten or to repeat a grade. But usually the costs outweigh the benefits. All kids mature at different rates. There can be big differences among a group of kids who are 9 to 12 months apart in age at any given point. But if your child is far more immature than his peers and you think he might have ADHD, it’s usually wise to get help earlier rather than later.Learn about how early ADHD can be diagnosed. If you suspect your young child might have ADHD, there are steps you can take. Talk to your child’s teacher to find out what she’s seeing in class. You can also consider having your child evaluated for ADHD.Any opinions, views, information and other content contained in blogs on Understood.org are the sole responsibility of the writer of the blog, and do not necessarily reflect the views, values, opinions or beliefs of, and are not endorsed by, Understood.

  • The Marshmallow Test: What It Tells Me About Kids With ADHD

    Imagine sitting a young child in a room with a plate of marshmallows—one marshmallow on one side of the plate and two on the other side. Beside the child is a bell. The child is asked whether he would prefer one marshmallow or two. And most children say, “Two!”The adult then says:Here’s how we play the game. I am going to leave the room. While I’m gone, if you can wait for me to come back, then you get two marshmallows. If you don’t want to wait, you can make me come back right away by ringing the bell, but then you get one marshmallow, not two.Do you think the child will be able to wait as long as 15 minutes?That’s the experiment that psychologist Walter Mischel of Columbia University conducted in the late 1960s with 4-year-olds at Stanford University’s Bing Nursery School. It’s called the Marshmallow Test. Mischel was trying to figure out if kids could wait a longer time for a bigger reward.This Mind in the Making video shows the experiment in action.The results of the Marshmallow Test weren’t too surprising. Some kids could wait a long time, while others couldn’t.What was surprising was what Mischel found when he followed up with the children years later. He explains:The longer the young children were able to wait at age four, the better the SAT scores, the better the ratings of their ability to control themselves and to pursue their academic and other goals successfully, and the better they were doing as people in their early thirties.In other words, greater self-control as a child meant greater success as an adult.Now, if you have a child with ADHD or a child who struggles with impulsivity or self-control, you might be thinking, “My child could never wait 15 minutes for two marshmallows! Does that mean my child is destined to fail?”The answer is an emphatic no.The Marshmallow Test can’t predict a child’s future. Many kids who have ADHD and are impulsive when young go on to become very successful adults.But just as importantly, when Mischel looked more closely at the kids who waited a longer time, he discovered something interesting. The kids who were able to wait weren’t just sitting there. They were using specific strategies to help them wait.Some pretended the marshmallows were fluffy clouds. Some walked around the room. Some even talked out loud to themselves or grabbed their own hands.This suggested there were self-control skills that helped the kids who had waited. These skills fall under what’s called executive functions, a sort of CEO for the brain. Executive functioning skills help with planning, organization and time management.The good news is that these skills can be learned. In other words, kids who have self-control and impulsivity issues can pick up strategies to manage their behavior.But how do you promote these skills with your child?Some people think that when we talk about self-control, we’re talking about strict discipline or sitting still for long periods of time. That’s not really correct.Research shows that self-control is learned best through play and physical activity. Playing games promotes self-control, especially games where children have to listen to the rules, pay attention when the rules change and not act on autopilot. Two great examples are Simon Says and Red Light/Green Light.There are other ways to foster self-control in kids, too. One way is to encourage kids to set personal goals based on their interests. Another is to have kids come up with their own strategies for managing down time—such as times when they have to wait. But they need lots of chances to practice those strategies and improve on them.To me, this is a very hopeful takeaway from the Marshmallow Test. And it’s one that is especially important for kids with ADHD.Get more tips from Ellen Galinsky. Learn how to help kids develop a “growth mindset” and take on challenges.Any opinions, views, information and other content contained in blogs on Understood.org are the sole responsibility of the writer of the blog, and do not necessarily reflect the views, values, opinions or beliefs of, and are not endorsed by, Understood.

  • Learning and thinking differences that cause trouble with math

    Many people struggle with math, and they can struggle with it for different reasons. When it comes to kids, some simply need more time and practice to “catch up.” But trouble with math can also be a sign of common learning and thinking differences.Some learning and thinking differences can impact math in ways that look similar on the surface. But they may require different strategies for kids to make progress and improve at math.How dyscalculia can affect mathWhat it is: Dyscalculia is a learning difference that involves trouble with number sense. This can make it hard to understand what numbers mean or how to use numbers to solve problems. It also makes it hard to compare quantities or concepts like biggest vs. smallest. You may hear dyscalculia referred to as “math dyslexia,” even though dyscalculia and dyslexia aren’t the same thing.The math connection: Some kids with dyscalculia may understand the logic behind math, but have trouble mastering basic math facts, like 2 + 4 = 6.They may struggle to recognize patterns and sort items by size, shape, and color. They can also have a hard time reading clocks, graphs, or other visual representations of math concepts. See a list of more signs of dyscalculia.Strategies to try:  Boost number sense through fun activities that use math — like baking. Use multisensory techniques for teaching math. Explore software, Chrome tools, and other technology to help with math.How dyslexia can affect mathWhat it is: Dyslexia is a learning difference that makes reading hard. Kids with dyslexia may also have trouble with reading comprehension, spelling, writing, and math.The math connection: Dyslexia can make it hard to understand and solve word problems. Many number words like “eight” have irregular spellings that can’t be sounded out. Word problems also often use people’s names, which can be tricky to read.Some kids with dyslexia may reverse letters and numbers. This isn’t a problem with vision. It happens because struggling readers aren’t sure which direction the symbols should face. Poor memory can also lead to transposing or switching the order of the numbers. See a list of more signs of dyslexia.Strategies to try: Read directions and word problems out loud to your child and review key terms before starting an assignment.Encourage your child to talk through word problems. Get your child to reason out loud what the problem is asking for, then say the equation or number sentence before writing it down.Check out a fun game to prime your child for math homework.How ADHD can affect mathWhat it is: ADHD is a common condition that makes it hard to pay attention. ADHD also affects planning, organizing, working memory and other skills called executive functions.The math connection: Kids with ADHD may understand the math, but make mistakes because they have trouble staying focused.They may have a hard time remembering math rules and formulas. They may not complete math problems because they can’t remember all the steps. They may also impulsively rush through math problems without checking their work. Explore more signs of ADHD.Strategies to try: Review the times tables and other math facts often.Read through a word problem once and then circle the important details while reading it again. Highlight different operations in different colors.Ask the teacher for notes that outline every step required to complete math problems.Use graphic organizers for math to help stay organized when solving multi-step problems.How visual processing issues can affect mathWhat it is: Trouble processing visual information. This is not the same thing as vision problems. Difficulty with visual processing can’t be corrected with glasses.The math connection: Kids who struggle with visual processing may confuse similar-looking symbols and numbers. They may use the wrong ones or in the wrong order. They may have trouble lining up columns of numbers. They may also struggle to recognize patterns or make sense of graphs or charts.Strategies to try: Be explicit about the differences between numerals, like pointing out that “the circle is at the bottom of the 6 and at the top of the 9.”Reduce visual clutter by using blank sheets of paper to cover the “busy” parts of worksheets. This can help keep the focus on one problem at a time.Use graph paper to line up number columns.How trouble with motor skills can affect mathWhat they are: Developmental coordination disorder (DCD) affects motor skills like handwriting. (DCD is sometimes referred to as dyspraxia.) Dysgraphia can also make it hard for kids to write neatly.The math connection: Kids with DCD and/or dysgraphia may have slow and messy handwriting. They may have trouble writing numbers or lining them up correctly. They may also struggle to write sentences that explain their reasoning.Strategies to try: Use large-square graph paper to line up numbers in math problems. Another way to help work in columns is to turn lined notebook paper sideways.Increase the size of coordinate grids or use online graphing tools to help with math in middle school and high school.Explore free apps like ModMath that can help math students who struggle with writing.How nonverbal learning disabilities can affect mathWhat it is: Nonverbal learning disabilities (NVLD) involve trouble with social skills and abstract thinking. Visual-spatial perception is a key issue with NVLD that can affect math skills.The math connection: Visual-spatial difficulties can make it hard to recognize patterns or relationships between things. This includes trouble with generalizing. Kids with NVLD might not see what’s similar about a set of math problems.Working with fractions and geometric shapes can be especially hard for kids with NVLD. Word problems can also be a big challenge. Kids with NVLD may have the math skills they need but struggle to apply them in novel problem-solving situations.Strategies to try: Fill out a sample problem at the top of the worksheet.Get students to describe all the steps needed to solve the problem.Talk about how the next problem is similar and how it’s different.Give reminders about strategies used to solve similar problems.A note about math anxietyKids with math anxiety can get so worried about doing math that they do poorly on math tests. Learn the difference between math anxiety and dyscalculia. And read a blog post by a college student about the strategies she uses to help with dyscalculia and anxiety.Ready for more information? Explore seven ways kids who learn and think differently can get tripped up by the same math problem — and what you can do to help.

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