How to help build self-esteem during challenging times
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By Amanda Morin
Expert reviewed by Rayma Griffin, MA, MEd
Quick tips for building self-esteem
- Quick tip 1Reframe negative thoughts and statements.Reframe negative thoughts and statements.
It’s easy to focus on the negative, so reframe it as positive. “Reading is too hard” can become, “Yes, reading is hard. I’ll work on a plan to get better at it.”
- Quick tip 2Give feedback, not criticism.Give feedback, not criticism.
Talk about challenges in a motivating way that doesn’t make someone feel bad. Instead of, “Why did you leave the kitchen such a mess?” say, “The dishes are still in the sink. How about we watch TV after you wash them?”
- Quick tip 3Praise the effort.Praise the effort.
Point out how someone approached tackling a challenge. It helps them learn that they’re capable of overcoming obstacles. Specific praise is key to building positive self-esteem.
- Quick tip 4Talk openly about challenges.Talk openly about challenges.
When someone is struggling with self-esteem, talk about things you find challenging and work to overcome. Acknowledging your own challenges helps others open up about theirs.
Self-esteem is how much people value themselves and how important they believe they are in their world. Developing positive self-esteem is important for everyone. But it can be harder for people who learn and think differently.
That’s because self-esteem is tied to how capable we feel. People who learn and think differently often have to work harder to make progress in school and at work. They may struggle socially, too.
It can be hard to talk to someone about the things they need to get better at. But addressing those topics clearly can actually help them develop self-esteem.
Self-esteem comes from working hard toward a goal. Positive self-esteem comes from recognizing your efforts, finding your strengths, and knowing that mistakes are learning opportunities. Over time, people can learn to improve how they view and value themselves.
Dive deeper
Why kids need to learn to fail
Failure can be a great teacher. When kids know there are solutions to mistakes, it can help build their self-esteem. It gives them the chance to find the “next time I can” in their mistakes.
For example, you could say, “Yep, you spilled the juice. Next time you’re pouring the juice, you can hold your glass over the sink.” Kids who know that failing is just a first try also know that it’s OK to try in the first place.
Hear from experts on why it’s OK to let kids fail.
The importance of mentors
Knowing there are successful people who learn and think differently who faced similar challenges can help you feel less alone. It can also help you see a path forward.
Consider seeking out a mentor — someone who’s a little further along in the journey to guide and support you.
Next steps
Growth mindset and self-esteem are closely connected. People with a growth mindset believe their abilities can improve over time. (As opposed to people with a fixed mindset, who think their abilities are set and can’t change, no matter how hard they try.) Our mindset affects how we face challenges and setbacks and helps reframe how we approach challenges.
Having a growth mindset makes it easier to recognize that things may not always be that hard. And when people see that they can make improvements, it builds positive self-esteem.
Download growth mindset activities.