What is self-awareness?

You might have heard people tossing around the phrase “self-awareness” or talking about how someone is so “self-aware.” But what does self-awareness really mean? And is it something you can actually work on? 

Self-awareness is an executive function skill that describes the ability to tune in to your own feelings, thoughts, and actions. You can think of it like a reflection or an internal monitoring tool. When you’re self-aware, you’re aware of your strengths and challenges — and this can help you thrive.opens in a new tab 

“Self-awareness is vital because it functions as a conscious reflection tool that allows us to step outside our immediate habits and intentionally evaluate our thoughts, actions, and feelings,” explains developmental psychologist Stephanie M. Carlson, PhD. “Without this mental distance, we cannot activate the executive function networks required to override automatic impulses and make truly goal-directed decisions.”

Because it’s related to executive function, self-awareness can be difficult if you have ADHD. You might have trouble noticing how your actions affect others or recognizing when you’re distracted or overwhelmed. Or you might be highly self-aware, but struggle with regulating your thoughts and behavior.

The good news? Self-awareness is a skill you can work on, practice, and develop over time — even as an adult. We’ll go over how to do just that, with expert-backed tips and strategies. 

When you understand yourself better, it’s easier for you to build positive self-esteem. This is crucial for kids and adults with ADHD, who may struggle with confidence as a result of myths surrounding executive function issues. For example, many people with ADHD have to constantly combat the notion that they’re “lazy.” 

That’s why self-awareness is so important. It gives you a way to look at your challenges, but also what you’re good at. And kids who are self-aware are better able to recognize what helps them thrive.

In fact, if you have strong self-awareness skills, you can:

• Recognize your strengths and challenges

• Understand and talk about your needs and feelings

• Recognize other people’s needs and feelings

• See how your behavior affects others

• Develop a growth mindset and learn from your mistakes

And, if you have ADHD or are neurodivergent, practicing self-awareness can help you “pause and recognize alternative options instead of succumbing to frustration or impulse,” Carlson says. “This self-assessment acts as an internal ‘CEO’ that bridges the gap between raw emotion and purposeful action, helping neurodivergent individuals navigate complex, non-routine environments more smoothly.” 

That said, it’s also important to note that too much of a good thing may not be good for us. In fact, being overly self-aware can bring about feelings of sadness and anxiety. And it can lead to spiraling — overthinking and overanalyzing your decisions. 

Self-awareness doesn’t develop all at once. The process begins in childhood, as kids gain the ability to recognize and name their emotions, strengths and challenges, and likes and dislikes. 

Some researchopens in a new tab shows that infants as young as 4 months can show signs of self-awareness. But according to Carlson, significant development of self-awareness really starts to happen around 3 to 5 years old. You’ll see the first signs of it when kids begin to engage in pretend play to “practice rules and consider other viewpoints,” she says. 

“Typically by age 5, they can recall their own previous point of view and imagine holding a different one later in life, such as preferring juice boxes in childhood but coffee as an adult,” Carlson explains. 

Beyond early childhood, self-awareness continues to develop, even into adulthood. “As the brain’s prefrontal networks mature from childhood through early adulthood, self-awareness evolves from an uncoordinated, bottom-up process into a highly structured, top-down capability,” says Carlson.

Basically, over time, the brain networks involved in self-awareness become stronger and more efficient. This makes it easier to reflect on your thoughts and actions before responding, leading to more thoughtful decisions instead of automatic reactions.

There are two types of self-awareness that develop over time. 

Private self-awareness: This is being aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences that other people may not know about. For example, you might feel anxious about reading out loud even if no one else can tell.

Public self-awareness: This is being aware of how other people see you. Children usually start developing this around age 5. They begin to understand that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions that may be different from their own.

Self-awareness is also closely related to other executive function skills, including the following: 

• Self-monitoring: Self-awareness helps you keep track of what you’re doing. This is called self-monitoring. You use self-monitoring skills whenever you figure out what needs to be done to complete a task. Or when you notice mistakes in work you’ve done and correct them. 

• Self-reflection: Self-awareness is also closely tied to self-reflection, which involves thinking over what happened to find ways to make things work better next time. When you self-reflect, you’re asking yourself, “What’s working and what’s not working?

• Self-advocacy: Self-awareness can help you speak up for what you need, or self-advocate. And being a good self-advocate has big benefits for kids and adultsopens in a new tab who are neurodivergent or who have ADHD. After all, if you know how to self-advocate, you’re more likely to do well in school, work, and life — and feel confident in what you’re learning and doing.

Self-awareness is a skill that can be developed. The first step? Treat it as a “a mental skill that can be systematically trained and strengthened through practice,” Carlson says. 

Here are some strategies Carlson recommends for all ages. 

• Count as a way to reflect: Pause before reacting to a stimulus, which will “interrupt the reflexive response,” Carlson says. “Counting to 10 really does help!” 

• Switch up your POV: “Engage in psychological distancing, such as pretending to look at your situation from an outsider’s or your ‘future self’s’ perspective,” Carlson suggests. 

• Be thoughtful with your thoughts: “Practice self-assessment by routinely verbalizing and questioning the rules or steps guiding your current behavior. Here I like to remember the bumper sticker, ‘Don’t believe everything you think.’”

When in doubt, simply recognize your strengths. People often focus on what needs improvement, but they don’t always consider what they do well. By becoming more aware of what you’re good at, you’ll get better at knowing yourself. 

This self-awareness worksheet can help kids build this important skill.

Additional reporting by Keydra Manns.