Paul has and , and he also struggles with math. It had been a tough road with his learning and thinking differences. But my husband and I were dedicated to giving him all the help he needed. We wanted him to improve and be successful in school. And that’s what his IEP meetings had typically focused on—goals, skills and academic achievement.
This time, however, his teacher said something I’d never heard before: “Paul talks about soccer nonstop, and he clearly loves playing. But he needs other interests and activities that he can feel good about.”
Suddenly, I was burning with guilt. If my son didn’t have enough interests, it was my fault. I should have exposed him to more things.
It took me days to shake that feeling. Once I did, I realized why the teacher’s comment stung so much. It’s not that I didn’t want Paul to take music lessons or join the chess team. It’s that his afterschool schedule was already filled—with tutoring sessions. Those were his other activities. And they weren’t fun.
Paul spent one afternoon a week at the math tutoring program at school, and two afternoons with a private reading specialist.
It was a financial drain for us, and an emotional drain for him.
That left Paul with two free afternoons. He spent those at soccer practice, which he loved. Still, he sometimes got understandably frustrated when he had to meet with his tutor while his friends went off to band practice or science-club meetings.
But how good would he have felt about himself if he never caught up with reading and other skills?
Paul’s in community college now, and reading still isn’t easy for him. I sometimes feel bad that so much of his time growing up was spent working on his challenges. But I no longer have any regrets about my decision.
I realize it’s not my “fault” that he didn’t have more extracurricular activities growing up. Parents of kids with learning and thinking differences often have to make hard decisions when looking at their child’s strengths and needs.
But I know that the extra help was an important use of time because his grades—and his self-esteem—improved. And I also know he’ll have opportunities throughout his life to find new passions.
Any opinions, views, information and other content contained in blogs on Understood.org are the sole responsibility of the writer of the blog, and do not necessarily reflect the views, values, opinions or beliefs of, and are not endorsed by, Understood.
Tell us what interests you
About the author
About the author
ToughTopics blog posts are personal stories that parents and other individuals have asked to write anonymously.