Understanding why kids have trouble managing emotions

By Gail Belsky

Expert reviewed by Ellen Braaten, PhD

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  • Quick tip 1

    Step away.

    If you’re overwhelmed by the intense emotion or worn down by the behavior, walk away from it for a short while (as long as everyone is safe).

  • Quick tip 2

    Talk in a calm voice.

    Avoid showing emotion or matching kids’ tone of voice. Try to keep your voice steady and calm, even if they’re yelling.

  • Quick tip 3

    Name the behavior and emotion.

    During heated moments, kids may not realize how they’re acting. Be specific: “You’ve been complaining for over an hour” or “You seem very sad.”

  • Quick tip 4

    Save conversations for later.

    Don’t try to have a big discussion when kids are upset. Wait until they have a little more control and can “hear” you. Explain what you saw, and ask them to share what they think happened and how it felt.

It’s not unusual for preschoolers to burst into tears when they “ruin” their drawing. Most 10-year-olds wouldn’t do that, though. They typically have more ability to manage their emotions. 

But some kids struggle with managing emotions even as they get older. They might still have outbursts or get overly upset when something goes wrong. Or slip into a bad mood that goes on and on.

These challenges can sometimes be a matter of maturity. Stress and anxiety can also play a role. But a common cause is trouble with self-control. 

Kids who have a hard time managing emotions don’t only struggle with negative ones. They can get caught up in feelings of joy or anticipation, too. Some get overexcited about social activities or other events.

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