When kids grab, push, and play too rough: What it can mean

It’s common for toddlers and preschoolers to grab a toy they want to play with or to push somebody out of the way instead of asking. Most young kids are still learning how to play with each other. They’re still figuring out how to communicate what they want. 

But by the time they get to kindergarten or first grade, most kids have learned that putting their hands on other kids is too rough. They’ve also learned that other kids don’t like being yelled at, pushed, or grabbed.

Learn more about social and emotional skills kids develop at different ages.

Some kids need help picking up on social cues. If a child keeps playing too rough, teach them to look for signs they need to play more gently. 

Start by talking about what you’re noticing. Explain how you see other kids reacting. Ask if the child is seeing the same things. If not, point them out. 

For example, you can say, “I noticed that when you grabbed the ball from Xavier, he looked angry. Did you see that, too?” It’s a good way to teach empathy and help kids start to see how their actions affect other people.

Learn more about how to help kids learn different types of social cues.

Hyperactivity, a key symptom of ADHD, can lead kids to play roughly, because they have excess energy along with poor self-control. They may run or walk too fast and bump into other kids or knock them down by accident. They might use more force than they realize when they impulsively push or grab.

Kids with hyperactive ADHD don’t mean to be rough. They just have trouble controlling their actions. For most kids, this ADHD symptom lessens or goes away as they get older. In the meantime, there are ways to help them use their energy in a positive way. Getting plenty of exercise and playing sports and games can make a big difference.

Learn more about hyperactivity.

Once you start helping kids recognize social cues, or their trouble with hyperactivity, they may be less rough in play. But if roughhousing continues to be a problem, talk with kids about self-control. You can also talk with family members and teachers to see if they’re noticing the same things. 

By observing kids and talking with others, you may start to notice patterns that can make your next steps clearer. 

• Learn why some kids have trouble controlling impulses.

• See examples of hyperactive behavior.

• Explore ways to help kids manage overexcitement.