Understanding impulsivity in kids

Most kids have moments when they’re impulsive and say or do things before they can stop themselves. They might blurt out something inappropriate or run into the street after a ball without looking.

But frequent impulsivity can be a sign that a child is having trouble with self-control. The ability to manage impulses and emotions develops gradually during childhood, with a big leap happening between fourth and fifth grade for most kids. 

Kids don’t all develop at the same rate, and some naturally take longer than others to develop this skill. But poor impulse control may be more than just a matter of maturity. Some kids lack the ability to put on the “mental brakes,” even as they get older. 

Impulsivity is a key symptom of ADHD. Impulsive behavior can happen for other reasons, too. Learn more about impulsivity in kids.

Impulsivity doesn’t appear the same way for every child and may change as kids get older. Kids and teens with impulsivity might do these things more often than other kids their age:

• Do silly things to get attention

• Have trouble following rules

• Interrupt others and talk out of turn

• Blurt things out without thinking

• Be aggressive toward other kids 

• Have difficulty waiting their turn or waiting for a reward

• Overreact to frustration, disappointment, mistakes, and criticism

• Not understand how their words or behavior affect other people

• Not understand the consequences of their actions

• Make impulsive, risky choices (including with driving, sex, drugs, and alcohol)

Impulsive behavior often makes kids seem younger than they are. An 8-year-old might have the self-control more expected from a 5-year-old, for example. You might see behaviors that you thought would have ended long ago.

Impulsivity is a key symptom of ADHD. For some kids, impulsivity lessens in the tween and teen years.opens in a new tab But other kids may struggle with impulse control into adulthood.

Researchers don’t yet know the exact causes of ADHD and its symptoms. But they have found differences in brain structure and function in kids with ADHD. Studies show that the area of the brain responsible for impulse controlopens in a new tab and other executive skills is smaller in kids with ADHD, along with other areas.

It’s easy to make assumptions about what’s behind a child’s impulsive behavior. For instance, if a child makes a rude remark, people might think the remark was intentionally insulting. But in a lot of cases, kids don’t mean to be rude or aggressive. 

In addition to ADHD, there are also mental health issues, like phobias and mood disorders,opens in a new tab that can lead to impulsive behaviors in kids.

Lack of sleep can also cause impulsive behavior, as can stress and frustration. When kids are struggling with something in school or in everyday life, they may act out. Young kids don’t always have the words to say what they’re feeling.

Struggling with impulsivity or any other behavior challenge can impact how kids feel about themselves. When kids have more control over their actions, they feel more “mature” and have more positive self-esteem.

Here are some ways to help kids when they’re having trouble with impulsivity.

Do a quick safety check. Impulsive behavior can sometimes be dangerous. Ask yourself: Is anyone hurt or going to get hurt? If so, call for help or intervene immediately.

Take a moment to regroup. If everyone is safe, it’s OK to take a moment to breathe. Encourage kids to take a “cool-down” break while you gather your thoughts.

Name what you're seeing. When kids are impulsive, they may not know they did or said something inappropriate. Clearly tell them what it looked like from your perspective — and why it wasn’t OK.

State the expected behavior. Kids may know what they did wrong. But they may not know how to make it right. Tell them exactly what they need to do to get back on track.

If you’re not sure why kids act impulsively, it can help to take notes on what you’re seeing. Tracking behaviors can help you discover patterns over time and find why kids might be struggling.

If you notice a long-term pattern, talk to someone about it. Teachers and health care providers can be helpful sources of information and advice. They may have suggestions about how to help.

Parents and caregivers: Use these conversation starters to talk with your child’s teacher about trouble with self-control.

Thumbnail image credit: Mayur Kakade via Getty Images.