Are discipline and punishment the same thing? People often use the terms interchangeably, but there is a difference between the two.
Discipline is a way to teach kids to follow rules or correct misbehavior. There is negative discipline and positive discipline.
Punishment is a form of negative discipline. It’s often used to get rid of or end a behavior. Positive discipline, which is sometimes known as corrective consequences or positive guidance, works just as quickly. And it can be more effective than punishment.
When kids push your buttons or disobey rules, you may be quick to give them a consequence that’s going to make them unhappy enough to stop what they’re doing. It’s a common response when you feel frustrated, angry, or just plain fed up. But it’s not likely to change kids’ behavior in the long term.
Consider this scenario: Sandra and Javier have been arguing over colored pencils all afternoon. One of them pushes the other, and they both start arguing. You might say, “Both of you, stop it! You’re not allowed to go outside today!”
That’s punishment. It may stop the behavior in the moment, but it’s not going to teach Sandra and Javier the skills they need to make a better decision next time they argue.
When you use positive discipline, you might say, “Give me the colored pencils. Neither of you can use them right now. Sandra, take a deep breath. Now use the ‘I statements’ we practiced yesterday to tell Javier why you’re upset.” You might still feel annoyed and frustrated. But you’ll know that you’re preparing for a better outcome next time.
Positive discipline discourages the behavior. But it also teaches kids expectations and accountability. It helps kids see there’s a connection between what they do and what happens next—the natural and logical consequences.
Learn more about punishment versus discipline.
| Negative Discipline/Punishment | Positive Discipline/Corrective Consequence | |
|---|---|---|
| Type of approach |
Reactive: Handles the situation in the moment. |
Proactive: Handles the situation in the moment and teaches skills for the future. |
| What it is |
A penalty for doing something wrong. It tries to change kids’ future behavior by making them “pay for their mistakes.” |
A logical or natural consequence for wrongdoing. It aims to change future behavior by helping kids learn from their mistakes. |
| Focus |
Puts you in control of kids’ behavior and for deciding the outcome of their decisions. |
Puts kids in control of their behavior and decisions by teaching new skills, such as self-control and self-regulation. |
| The viewpoint |
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| What it looks like |
Consequences that aren’t directly tied to what happened, such as taking away privileges or possessions, asking kids to do an unpleasant task, adding more responsibilities or work and, in some homes, corporal punishment. (Research shows that corporal punishment can increase aggression and other negative behavior.) |
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| Examples of types of consequences |
Negative consequences:
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Natural consequences:
Logical consequences:
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| What kids learn from this |
The message is: “You need to stop doing that; it’s wrong.” Kids learn:
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The message is: “Here’s what you can or should do instead.” Kids learn:
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| Results |
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You may not always approach behavior as well as you’d like to, especially in stressful moments. But you can always make changes, both at home and in school. Read one family’s story of how they got back on track after years of mismanaging meltdowns. Explore a guide to understanding behavior as an important form of communication. And explore the interactive Parenting Coach tool for practical ideas about handling behavioral challenges.