Understanding trouble with social skills

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  • Quick tip 1

    Learn from examples.

    Use videos, TV shows, or real-life events to observe social situations in action. Watch for social cues. For example, notice when people in a conversation are looking around and seem open to others joining.

  • Quick tip 2

    Use phrases that show attention.

    People want to know that others are paying attention when they talk. Use words or phrases like “right” or “that’s great.” Mix them up to avoid saying the same thing over and over.

  • Quick tip 3

    Start small.

    Practice social skills with a trusted friend or in a small group. These smaller experiences may feel safer. And they help build the skills to use in larger groups that feel less comfortable. 

  • Quick tip 4

    Practice online.

    Some people prefer interacting online. Try joining video chats, multiplayer video games, or online interest groups. With kids, make sure to monitor what they’re doing to keep things safe.  

  • Quick tip 5

    Learn by asking questions.

    If you need help picking up on social cues, speak up. It’s all right to say something like “Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re mad. Are you?” Or “Is it OK if I join your conversation?”

Social skills help us connect with other people and have successful interactions. Trouble with these skills can cause problems in many areas of life. That includes school, work, home, and out in the community. 

Struggling with social skills is different from not “being social.” People may want to interact. But when they do, it doesn’t go well. They might struggle to make conversation, seem out of sync, or behave in a way that turns off other people.

People may have trouble picking up on social cues and following social rules. That can make it hard for them to fit in, form friendships, and work with others. They may avoid interacting and feel isolated and alone with their struggles.

There are different reasons people have difficulty with social skills. Sometimes, the cause is temporary. But trouble with these skills is often part of larger, lifelong challenges.

That doesn’t mean social abilities are set in stone. There are ways to build skills so it’s easier to connect with other people and have better interactions.

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