Tips from an ADHD Coach: Imposter syndrome, and owning your success

Have you ever been given an exciting opportunity, then found yourself feeling inadequate, underqualified, and undeserving after getting started? What did those feelings of doubt ultimately do to your mental health, work-life balance, and performance?

This week on Tips from an ADHD Coach, Jaye explores why imposter syndrome is so common in ADHD brains, how it impacts your confidence, and what you can do to start believing in your own achievements.

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at adhdcoachtips@understood.org. 

• ADHD and: Imposter syndrome

• From the ADHD Aha! podcast: Anxiety, imposter syndrome, and ADHD (Mallory’s story)

• Imposter syndrome at work: How I stopped feeling like a fake

(00:39) Anne’s quote

(02:42) How ADHD can make imposter syndrome more common

(07:44) Imposter syndrome is lying to you

(09:47) What can we do if we’re feeling like an imposter?

(14:29) Recap

Jaye: Have you ever been given an exciting opportunity, then found yourself feeling inadequate, underqualified, and undeserving after getting started? What did those feelings of doubt ultimately do to your mental health, work-life balance, and performance?

This is "Tips from an ADHD Coach," and I'm your coach, Jaye Lin. Today, we're talking about imposter syndrome and how we can make the best of the situations we are in when those negative feelings start to creep in. We're gonna hear from Anne, who shared about a time when she felt like an imposter.

Anne: There was an internship that I had in college. I had spent so much time and so much energy putting into creating this application video because I wanted it so badly. And then I did end up getting accepted into the program, and I was so excited. There were other interns my age there as well, and I quickly started to like learn about their stories and started comparing myself to them and quickly felt like "Oh my God, I don't belong here. I must have tricked them into hiring me." I must've said something that led them on and led them to believe that I was fit for this position because I felt so different from all of the other interns around me.

The more I compared myself to others and the past interns that they would tell us about, the more I would see everywhere where I was lacking, and I became really like afraid and fearful of messing up. This fear of messing up slowly kind of like took over me and affected my ability to perform at this job. I would barely speak up in meetings. I had constant anxiety that I would do something wrong. I really wish that I felt confident and unapologetic of my space to grow. I felt like I was so afraid that I was wasting everyone's time that kind of manifested into me messing up more.

So, I wish I would have just been more confident in myself. When I think back to those times where I felt imposter syndrome in my life, I feel kind of sad for how much of a blockage it's been for me and time spent worrying and spiraling over my insecurities rather than just messing up and learning from my mistakes confidently and sure of myself.

Jaye: Imposter syndrome, like so many other experiences, is something that everyone can have, not just those of us with ADHD. But just like those other experiences having ADHD can amplify both the negative feelings that we get when we doubt ourselves and the negative results that can come from feeling like an imposter.

Anne mentioned that she put so much time and effort into her application video. With ADHD, the intensity of our initial effort can be much higher than it would be for our neurotypical peers. This was Anne's dream internship. And she likely got a big boost of dopamine in that initial effort to apply. With that higher level of dopamine, Anne's creativity, productivity, and excitement were probably pushed into turbo drive, resulting in a really cool application video that the company she was applying for was impressed with, which is why she was selected.

It sounds like she was flying high with the opportunity until she started comparing herself to other interns. Once that happened, she started feeling like she didn't belong there because she was so different from them. She felt like she tricked the company into choosing her and that she misled them into believing she was qualified to do the job. Then, rather than feeling proud and excited about what she had earned access to, she doubted herself, compared her weaknesses to everyone else's strengths, and ultimately ruined the experience she had at her dream internship.

Many of us with ADHD have felt like we're misfits because we don't seem to think or act like most of the people around us. Whether it's a brain that goes too fast, having less of a filter and blurting, or thinking outside of the box, many of us have felt we're weird because what we think and say doesn't seem typical for others. It can feel like we are imposters because we think there is a right or wrong way to think and act, and we don't seem to be doing it.

We can also feel like imposters because the other people in the group seem to have way more qualifications than we do. Many of us have had a lot of different interests and career paths in our lives and might not have as many years of experience as other people our age who have been able to stick to a singular interest or career path. Sometimes it can feel like we don't belong there because we don't have as much experience on paper.

We can have guilt if we feel like we jumped the line because some people who have been working at it longer than we have did not get that chance. It can feel like we stole that opportunity from them and that we don't deserve it. Anne could even interpret her application video as a fluke. If it was the first of that kind of video she's ever made, she wouldn't have the track record behind her to prove to herself that she has talent and it wasn't just beginner's luck. These are all reasons why having ADHD could put us in a position of doubting our abilities and whether we truly belong where we are.

Then, once those negative feelings are present, ADHD can amplify the negative behaviors that can result from feeling that way. With emotional dysregulation, it can be harder for us to navigate negative emotions. Those of us with ADHD tend to have a negativity bias, which can make us pay attention to where we fall short in our comparisons to others and completely disregard the areas where we shine. This negativity bias can also make it feel like our mistakes and missteps are a much bigger deal than they really are.

And each time we are hard on ourselves about making a mistake, it can increase the negative feelings toward ourselves and seemingly confirm that we don't deserve to be there. After we decide we don't deserve to there, what happens to our productivity? It can start rapidly declining. We tend to get big boosts of dopamine when we're going after challenges that are hard but achievable. That creativity and intensity, and experience to making her application video likely came from the dopamine of opportunity and confidence in herself.

She definitely didn't complete her application video with the mindset that it wouldn't be good enough to get in. And my guess is that after she made her application video, she was proud of it. And believed in her ability to do the internship. So, what happened after Anne decided she didn't belong there? She started being scared to speak up. She started doubting her instincts. All that dopamine and excitement she had before was replaced with anxiety and fear, and she started to mess up a lot more.

The already lower executive function she had with her lower levels of dopamine meant that she was likely operating with a lower capacity for processing thoughts and staying focused. Then the fear probably made her processing ability even lower since so much of her brain was preoccupied with her fear of messing up. She wasn't just operating at less than her dopamine supercharged best. She was probably operating at lower than her normal capacity, too. Feeling like an imposter started tanking her performance.

But did Anne have to feel like she was an imposter? I don't think so. Maybe she thought and acted differently from the other interns in her group, but is that a bad thing? It's usually good for people on a team to have different life experiences, cultures, senses of humor, ways of thinking, et cetera. It's not great for everyone on a time to be the same because it tends to limit the possibilities of what that team can create. It's even a good thing for some people on the team to be less experienced or more diverse in their experience than others, because it allows the group to have more insight and perspectives.

Anne's application went through the same process as everyone else and her selection was not an accident. She was likely picked because of something she possesses that the company identified as dynamic and worthy. It's possible that with her negativity bias, she wasn't even able to recognize the strengths that got her there, and only saw what she thought of as flaws or inexperience. But inexperience doesn't always determine levels of talent. Having more experience does give someone an advantage.

Those with more experience might have encountered more roadblocks and pitfalls that they're able to avoid going forward. That's true. Those who have more experience might have more confidence to pull off harder challenges because they have a track record to look at when they feel doubt. But more experience can also lead humans to follow formulas, and a break in the formula can sometimes be a very good thing. And sometimes being the most experienced person on a team isn't seen as a great thing. Sometimes being the more qualified for a position means that the person should be at a higher level than they are, and they can be viewed as less hungry.

I don't agree with that, by the way. I think every person on the team, regardless of high or low experience level, can bring a lot of value, as long as they are in a productive mindset.

So, what can we do if we feel like an imposter? What can we to stay in that productive mindset and avoid tanking our performance with anxiety and fear? Well, right here is where I will share that I experienced my own imposter syndrome about this very show in fact. I was so excited to be a guest on "ADHD Aha!" Afterward, Understood approached me about hosting my own show on their channel dedicated to ADHD women, which was a dream opportunity. I was so pumped about the show and was just bursting with ideas in every meeting about it.

And then I was sent the invite to the recording session for the "MissUnderstood" trailer. And that's when I found out who was hosting the other two shows. Dr. Monica Johnson, who has released hundreds of podcast episodes with excellent ratings, and Cate Osborn, who many consider to be one of the top five ADHD content creators of all time. Immediately, I questioned how I could have possibly been selected to join this elite group of women.

My 17 self-produced podcast episodes and 3,000 Instagram followers seemed ridiculous compared to their accomplishments. So, I was really nervous going into that trailer recording session. I thought they would take one look at me and wonder who the hell I was and why I thought I belonged there. But it wasn't like that at all. They were both so friendly, so fun, so human. They were just people, like me. They had a lot they wanted to share with the world, just like me, and they were excited for me to be there, just as much as I was excited for them to be here.

And that's the thing about imposter syndrome. It often focuses on who we feel like we are in isolation. But everyone is trying their best, and everyone is human. Instead of only paying attention to how I was falling short, I decided to use that energy toward creating more connection with others. But I still felt guilty that I was given this opportunity that could have been given to someone more experienced. I knew these feelings would be unproductive, so I made a different choice instead. I told myself that Daniel-San in The Karate Kid had only been studying martial arts for like six months before he beat everyone who had been in Karate their whole lives.

There are tens of thousands of books, TV shows, and movies where the protagonist is inexperienced and then gets opportunities over others who might be more dedicated, more experienced, and in some opinions, more worthy. But by the end of the story, they've put in the work and are all seen as worthy of their achievements. If it can happen for them, why not me? Why not me? I can be the protagonist in my own story. Having that mindset really changed a lot for me.

Then, when it came to writing and recording my first episodes, I had to battle these fears that my work wouldn't be good enough. I mean, what if they find out I was a bad pick and they decide to fire me? Very scary. Well, if they were going to let me go after a few episodes, I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity I had and write some absolute bangers. I focused on what I would be proud of putting out rather than worry about whether they would be good enough. Taking big swings with the opportunity I was given allowed me to lean back into excitement and opportunity, giving me the dopamine I needed each week to really shine.

I have done this with every episode I've written, and I'm proud of all of them. But they didn't fire me after a few episodes. Feedback was actually pretty great. And over time, those lingering feelings of doubt and inadequacy started falling away because I've been getting that experience, that track record that allows me to tell my inner critic to kindly shut up. And as for those nagging feelings that my inexperience was inconveniencing everyone around me. Well, I knew that feeling that way about myself doesn't make anyone less inconvenienced.

So, instead of feeling crappy about myself, I chose to approach my team with gratitude. I told my producers that I know that I'm the least experienced out of the bunch. And I really appreciate the time and care they've been taking to walk me through everything and the patience they've had with me getting all of the recording equipment and processes figured out. I may have felt like an imposter when I compared myself to the other hosts of this channel. But I was able to keep those imposter feelings from ruining my mood, my ability to do good work, and my excitement, because being different or less experienced doesn't make us less qualified unless we allow it to.

ADHD can sometimes create situations for us that make us feel like we're underqualified or undeserving of the opportunities we get, amplify those feelings of inadequacy, and make those imposter feelings more destructive toward the work we put out. But being different and having different experience levels than others doesn't make us less qualified. We're rarely chosen for opportunities by accident, and we're likely selected for a valid reason that we might not be able to notice in ourselves because we tend to have a negativity bias.

We can avoid the pitfalls of imposter syndrome by leaning into our dopamine and opportunity, rather than anxiety and fear. I did this by seeing others around me as fellow humans, allowing myself to be the protagonist in my own story, using every opportunity I have to make something I would be proud of without worrying if it's good enough for others, and by showing gratitude for those who take the time to help me. Over time, we can build enough of a track record to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of our accomplishments so we can put those imposter feelings to rest.

You've been listening to "Tips from an ADHD Coach" on the Understood Podcast Network. You can check out our show notes to find links to anything mentioned in the show and more resources. This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. If you wanna help us continue this work, donate at Understood.org/give.

"Tips from an ADHD Coach" is produced by Jessamine Molli and Margie DeSantis. Jesse DeMartino edits the show. Video is produced Calvin Knie. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright. Samiah Adams is our supervising producer, Briana Berry is our production director, and Neil Drumming is our editorial director. For Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. And I'm your host, Jaye Lin. Thanks for listening.