Why kids act out

Angry outbursts may seem to come out of nowhere. But kids often act out because they’re struggling with something they don’t understand or don’t know how to put into words. 

Here are common reasons why kids act out:

• Anxiety: Kids often act out when they’re anxious about big changes, like a new baby at home or a death in the family. Smaller things can cause anxiety too, like a test or trouble with a friend.

• Changes in routine: Kids may respond in anger if they feel like they don’t know what’s happening now or what will happen next.

• Trouble with self-control: Some kids act out because they struggle to control their impulses. This makes it hard for them to follow directions.

• Trouble with a school subject: When kids refuse to do schoolwork, that could be their way of saying “I don’t know how to do this.” 

Kids who act out at the end of the day may have spent the school day trying to hide their struggles. They act out to show they’re struggling and can’t find the right words to use. 

Learn more about why some kids fall apart after school. 

Here are examples of what you might see when kids are acting out:

• Refusing to follow rules, especially new ones

• Not listening to you or answering questions

• Making comments that may seem rude or disrespectful

• Blowing up over what seem like minor things

• Crying after getting angry

• Acting in ways that seem younger, like throwing a tantrum

Find out why some kids keep having tantrums as they get older.

When kids act out, it can seem like they’re just being defiant. If the rules are clear, why aren’t they following them? When you try to ask about it, kids may say something like “Why are you asking me these stupid questions?”

But there’s a difference between acting out and defiance. When kids are defiant, they know the rules and make a choice not to follow them. When kids act out, they may be flooded with so much emotion that they aren’t fully aware of what they’re doing or why.

Find out what a child’s anger may be telling you.

Schools have different ways to help with behavior. Many schools use positive behavioral interventions and supports to teach and promote good behavior.

Schools can also tailor support for an individual student. They can do a deep dive to understand what’s causing a child’s behavior. (This is called a functional behavioral assessment.) They can also develop a plan to prevent and stop a child’s misbehavior. (This is called a behavior intervention plan.)

But sometimes schools can be part of the problem. Maybe one of your child’s teachers hasn’t set clear expectations or isn’t treating kids fairly. Taking notes can help you look for patterns and talk with the school.

Explore conversation starters for talking about behavior challenges with your child’s teachers.

All kids act out from time to time. But if kids are acting out a lot, there may be something going on that they either don’t understand or don’t know how to put into words.

Learn more about:

• Why kids don’t listen or follow directions

• Why kids have trouble controlling their impulses

• Why kids have trouble managing their emotions