Understanding impulsivity in kids
Learn about impulsive behavior, its connection to ADHD, and how to help.
Most kids have moments when they’re impulsive and say or do things before they can stop themselves. They might blurt out something inappropriate or run into the street after a ball without looking.
When it happens occasionally, it can look like everyday kid behavior. When it happens a lot, though, a child may be having trouble with self-control.
Sometimes, it’s a matter of maturity. Some kids just take longer than others to gain the ability to stop and think before acting. But some kids really are unable to put on the “mental brakes.” For those kids, there may be something else causing the impulsivity.
Examples of impulsive behavior in kids
Impulsivity doesn’t appear the same way for every kid and may change as kids get older. Kids and teens with impulsivity might:
Do silly things to get attention
Have trouble following rules
Be aggressive toward other kids
Overreact to frustration, disappointment, mistakes, and criticism
Want to have the first turn and the last word
Not understand how their words or behavior affect other people
Not understand the consequences of their actions
Take more risks with dating and sex, driving, and alcohol or drugs
Impulsive behavior often makes kids seem younger than they are. An 8-year-old might have the self-control more expected from a 5-year-old, for example. You might see behaviors that you thought would have ended long ago.
When ADHD is the cause of impulsivity
One of the most common causes of frequent impulsive behavior is ADHD. ADHD makes it hard to contain intense feelings, like anger. Researchers don’t know what causes ADHD and its symptoms. But many kids and adults have ADHD, and it often runs in families.
Research has shown that some parts of the brain take longer to mature in people with ADHD. Those parts of the brain help kids use executive functioning skills, which include impulse control. This may explain why some people with ADHD are more impulsive than people who don’t have ADHD.
Other causes of impulsivity
It’s easy to make assumptions about what’s behind a child’s impulsive behavior. For instance, if a child makes a rude remark, people might think the remark was intentionally insulting. But in a lot of cases, kids don’t mean to be rude or aggressive.
In addition to ADHD, there are also mental health issues, like phobias and mood disorders, that can lead to impulsive behaviors in kids.
Lack of sleep can also cause impulsive behavior, as can stress and frustration. When kids are struggling with something in school or in everyday life, they may act out. Young kids don’t always have the words to say what they’re feeling.
Tips to help with impulsivity
Struggling with impulsivity or any other behavior challenge can impact how kids feel about themselves. When kids have more control over their actions, they feel more “mature” and have more positive self-esteem.
Here are some ways to help kids when they're having trouble with impulsivity.
Do a quick safety check. Impulsive behavior can sometimes be dangerous. Ask yourself: Is anyone hurt or going to get hurt? If so, call for help or intervene immediately.
Take a moment to regroup. If everyone is safe, it’s OK to take a moment to breathe. Encourage kids to take a “cool-down” break while you gather your thoughts.
Name what you're seeing. When kids are impulsive, they may not know they did or said something inappropriate. Clearly tell them what it looked like from your perspective — and why it wasn’t OK.
State the expected behavior. Kids may know what they did wrong. But they may not know how to make it right. Tell them exactly what they need to do to get back on track.
Next steps
If you’re not sure why kids act impulsively, it can help to take notes on what you’re seeing. Tracking behaviors can help you discover patterns over time and find why kids might be struggling.
If you notice a long-term pattern, talk to someone about it. Teachers and health care providers can be helpful sources of information and advice. They may have suggestions about how to help.
Parents and caregivers: Use these conversation starters to talk with your child's teacher about trouble with self-control.