What to do when kids say “no one will play with me”

Español

  • Quick tip 1

    Pinch-hit as a playmate.

    If a child is lonely, offer to play. Choose something both of you enjoy, like doing a puzzle or going on a hike. Try to get others, like friends and family, to pinch-hit as playmates too.

  • Quick tip 2

    Go to a busy playground.

    A child may not have anyone to play with simply because no one’s around. Head to a local playground. Throw a ball around or play a game together and see if others join.

  • Quick tip 3

    Join a daily “lunch bunch.”

    To jump-start friendships, most schools have a daily lunch group of kids, either in person or virtual, hosted by a teacher. This gives kids the chance to have guided interactions with others.

  • Quick tip 4

    Try games that give everyone a turn.

    At recess or at the playground, encourage playing games that naturally give every kid a turn. When playing four square, for example, kids simply line up. Eventually every child gets to the front and has a chance to play.

“No one will play with me.” When a child says this, you may not know what to do or say. The best place to start is to simply listen.

Play is as important to young kids as things like money and love are to adults. So when kids say “no one will play with me,” it probably feels like a really big deal to them. Try not to downplay it by saying something like “everything will be fine tomorrow.”

Use open-ended questions to learn more:

  • What made you feel like this today?

  • Who didn’t want to play with you?

  • Were there some kids you wanted to play with, but you didn’t get a chance?

Some kids may just have had a bad day and will feel better after a good night’s sleep. Others may feel like misfits or struggle in social situations. And in some cases, saying “no one will play with me” might be a sign of bullying or exclusion.

Once you understand what’s happening, you can come up with a plan.

Dive deeper