What is self-control?
![](https://images.ctfassets.net/p0qf7j048i0q/5NpItnYj8elb6jFEVVSYWn/a7e72837b1b947882852d6b1bfb6efc2/Understood-Avatar-400x400-navy.png?w=3840&q=75&h=3840&fm=webp)
Expert reviewed by Mark J. Griffin, PhD
![](https://images.ctfassets.net/p0qf7j048i0q/6scl25qLZVRrmPoOqoR38y/b8369a941b7b4ee7ef59f1038124fada/G1049281412.jpg?w=3840&q=75&h=3840&fm=webp)
At a glance
Self-control is a complex skill that develops over time.
Self-control includes controlling impulses, emotions, and physical activity.
Common challenges like ADHD can cause self-control problems.
Self-control is part of a group of skills that allow kids and adults to manage their thoughts, actions, and emotions so they can get things done. Experts call this group of skills executive function.
Sitting still, waiting in line, taking turns — we all use self-control in ways that may seem simple. But self-control is a complex skill that develops over time. Kids start building self-control when they’re very young and keep developing it into their 20s.
As kids get older, they develop self-control in three areas:
Movement control so kids aren’t constantly moving in inappropriate ways (called hyperactivity)
Impulse control so kids put on “mental brakes” and stop and think before doing or saying something
Emotional control so kids can keep going even when upsetting or unexpected things happen
Having self-control helps kids in all areas of life. But it’s especially important when it comes to socializing. Being in control of their actions and reactions helps kids fit in and make friends.
Dive deeper
What trouble with self-control looks like in kids
When kids struggle with self-control, they have a harder time than their peers managing these kinds of behaviors:
Having tantrums or outbursts
Interrupting friends and blurting out answers in class
Talking nonstop
Being overly active or restless
Grabbing things instead of asking first
Cutting in line and having a hard time taking turns
Getting frustrated easily and giving up quickly
Bursting into tears in response to gentle teasing
Having trouble listening to criticism
Common challenges like ADHD can cause self-control problems. Learn about signs of ADHD at different ages.
How to help kids build self-control
Having trouble with self-control can be hard on kids. They may feel embarrassed or frustrated if they keep doing things they know they’re not supposed to do. And they may struggle socially, which can affect their self-esteem.
But there are things families and teachers can do to help kids build self-control so they can thrive in school and in everyday life.
Get tips on how to help kids build self-control at different ages: