When kids grab, push, and play too rough: What it can mean

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  • Quick tip 1

    Tell kids what to do (instead of what not to do).

    Rules often focus on what kids shouldn’t do, like “Don’t push.” But this can leave kids guessing about what to do instead. Be specific: “Keep your hands by your side when playing. When you need to tell someone something, use words — not your hands.”

  • Quick tip 2

    Teach kids about personal space.

    Explain what personal space is, and help kids practice standing a comfortable distance apart. You can also help kids get better at recognizing facial expressions and other signs that they’re getting too close or playing too rough.

  • Quick tip 3

    Practice self-soothing techniques.

    Teach self-soothing techniques that kids can use when they get angry, frustrated, or overexcited. Practicing self-soothing can help kids build self-control.

Have you ever wondered why some kids play too rough and grab or crash into things? Sometimes, kids who seem “pushy” or aggressive have challenges that make it hard for them to realize they’re being rougher than is acceptable. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about other kids. Or that they have bad parents.

Kids may roughhouse because they struggle with:

  • Knowing how much force they’re using. Kids may squeeze too tight when they hug or give a high five that stings. What they think is a light tap on the shoulder might be a shove.

  • Reading social cues. Kids may not realize they’re standing too close or that a friend is upset about how rough they’re playing.

  • Controlling impulses. Kids want that ball right now and don’t stop to think before they grab it. But afterwards, they might feel really bad about having been so rough.

  • Hyperactivity. Kids may move so fast and abruptly that they bump into people and things. They lack self-control.

It can also be hard for kids to know what’s appropriate from one situation to another. For example, maybe a concerned adult grabbed a child’s arm once in a busy parking lot. If the adult didn’t explain that they only did that for safety reasons, the child may think that grabbing is OK to do with friends.

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