ADHD and how to stop a mood spiral fast

Why can a small stressor like a confusing email or a last-minute change suddenly feel like the floor just dropped out from under you? One minute you’re fine. The next, you’re overwhelmed, avoiding, and stuck in a loop of guilt and overthinking.

Dr. J walks through what’s actually happening in your brain and nervous system during an ADHD mood spiral and how avoidance becomes “relief with hidden fees.” 

You’ll leave with simple, science-backed ways to regulate, start small, and recover faster when your brain gets loud.

• Try: ADHD Unstuck (a free self-guided activity)

• Listen: ADHD and emotional dysregulation

• Read: ADHD and mood swings

Dr. J: One minute you're fine — maybe a little stressed, maybe a bit tired. The next minute is like someone has pulled the floor from under you. You're snapping at someone you love, you're crying over an email, and your brain won't stop replaying the same thought: "What is wrong with me?"

But here's the thing: There's actually a few really simple ways to interrupt the spiral, and we're going to try some of it today. In this episode, we're breaking down why ADHD mood spirals happen, especially for women, and the quick, science-backed steps that can help you get unstuck in just a few minutes.

By the end, you'll understand what's going on and you'll walk away with practical actions that you can take the next time a spiral hits. This is "ADHD and," where we talk about everyday life and ADHD. I'm your host, Dr. J. I'm a licensed psychologist who works with those with ADHD. And if your emotions feel bigger, louder, and harder to rein in, this episode is for you.

So let's talk about what a mood spiral is and what it can look like. It can start with a small stressor: a text that you misread, a plan that changes at the last minute, and ADHD symptoms that make it harder to cope. Suddenly that "must avoid" response kicks in and fuels the mood cycle.

Let's narrate a classic ADHD mood spiral. Scene one is the catalyst. You look at your to-do list and it looks back at you like, "What you gonna do?" Your brain calculates the effort required and says, "Absolutely not." Maybe the trigger is a work task with unclear steps, an email that feels socially loaded, a deadline that you've already bumped once, or even a household task that's boring, repetitive, or sensory unfriendly.

Scene number two is the emotion surge. You feel overwhelmed, ashamed, resentful, anxious — maybe all at once. Your body may also have different sensations like a tight chest, hot face, tingling limbs, brain fog, or tears that show up uninvited like, "Hi, I'm here to make things worse."

Scene number three is avoidance — or as I like to call it, the relief that has hidden fees. Because it really do be "buy now, pay later." You tell yourself that you'll do it after you calm down. So you scroll, snack, clean something unrelated, research a new planner because that's going to fix it, or take a quick break that becomes an hour.

Avoidance isn't laziness. It's often an attempt at emotion regulation — your brain trying to escape the discomfort as fast as possible. However, it's ineffective and will often lead to scene number four.

Consequences compound. Now the task is later, bigger, and meaner. Your inbox fills. The dishes multiply like misinformation on social media. You miss a deadline. You forget something important. You have to apologize again.

Scene number five is the guilt jamboree. This is the part that often people with ADHD describe as the most painful. The self-talk: "I'm a mess. I can't get it together. I'm letting everyone down. Other women do this so easily. What is wrong with me?"

When the spiral hits, people tend to fall into a few different categories. The first one is fight, and I'll describe what that can look like. One example of it is snapping, arguing, or getting defensive. Another version of this may be feeling a sense of urgency, agitation, or a "leave me alone" kind of energy. And then lastly, fixating on fairness, criticism, or feeling misunderstood.

If this happens for you, you might want to ask yourself: "What am I protecting right now? My dignity, my competency, my safety? What would make me feel less cornered?"

In many of these situations, the other person is simply following up with you. Or if they do show some frustration, it may be justified because perhaps they've already asked you about it a few times already. In most instances, their primary objective is not to make you feel bad or worse, even if it can "quote unquote" feel that way in the moment.

The next category is hiding. So how this can look is ghosting text messages, avoiding emails, canceling plans, or saying things like, "I'll respond when I feel better," and then it's been four days. You may want to ask yourself in these situations: "What feels too raw here?" or "What is the smallest response that I can give that keeps the connection alive?"

Building resilience requires leaning into discomfort in healthy ways. It also proves to you that you're capable of handling these types of situations.

And the last thing here I want to mention is freezing. So this can be where you're staring at the task, unable to start, scrolling but you're not really enjoying it, or feeling numb, stuck, or foggy. You might want to ask yourself: "Do I need activation?" So this could be movement or some type of stimulation. Or "soothing," which is more related to quiet and rest.

Another question is: "What's one step that you can take that's so small that it's almost insulting?" The number of times a patient of mine has done a five-minute stretch or walk or took a quick shower to regulate and then was able to come back and approach the task is countless.

(06:26) A three-step approach to managing mood spirals

Dr. J: Now that we have a greater understanding of the anatomy of a mood spiral, let's talk about some effective strategies. Here's the truth: You can't stop emotions from showing up, but just one small step can help you boost your mood and build momentum.

Let's try a mood experiment that you can use in the moment. What we're going to do is a breathing exercise where you inhale for the count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, and exhale for a count of eight. So, let's do it together.

Inhale. Hold. And exhale. Just one activity like this can change how you feel.

When you're in a spiral, the goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to reduce damage and to shorten the recovery time. For this, I'm going to give you a three-step approach.

Number one is to name the state without a character assassination. So instead of "I'm failing," you want to try "My nervous system is overloaded and my ADHD is loud today." That shift matters. Studies on emotional dysregulation in ADHD emphasize how emotional reactivity and difficulties modulating affect contribute to impairment.

When we label the experience accurately, we decrease shame and increase problem solving. To be clear, you are not the problem. Not responding to an email for three days is the problem. Focusing on you as the problem is a red herring that only leads you down a path of shame. In most instances, you are capable, and it's a systems or tools issue — and that is where you want to focus.

Step number two is to do one regulating action and then a productive action. For example, you might choose to splash cold water on your face, go on a five to ten-minute walk, do a short guided breathing practice, listen to music that helps you to shift your mood, or to do a body-based grounding — something like feet on the floor or five things that I see.

Once you do one of these actions, then you want to do one tiny task. So that may be opening your laptop, writing the first line of the email, putting three dishes in the dishwasher, setting a five-minute timer, and then starting badly. The goal is to start moving forward. Meet yourself where you're at and keep inching forward step by step.

Step number three is to repair quickly, not perfectly. Accountability includes repair. So this might sound like, "I'm behind, I'm working on it, here's when you can expect it," or "I got overwhelmed and avoided. That's on me. I'm taking the steps to do better next time." Or lastly, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm overloaded. Can we reconnect tonight?"

So many folks with ADHD that I know want to fix it first and then follow up. You may not understand this, but that's not really helpful — especially when you're already behind or you miss something. Don't leave people in the dark, as it breeds more negative affect like anxiety or frustration. It's best to communicate early and follow up with intention, which requires that you use a tool like a reminder alert.

Remember, it's the systems and tools that are the problem, not you. Your emotions and your brain in a mood spiral will be loud. It will scream that you can't do it, you're not enough, it's always going to be this way. In that moment, your emotions, your brain, is full of it. Emotions are not facts. Thoughts are not facts.

I am quite sure that you have felt those feelings and thought those thoughts before, and you're still here. That is proof that you could, that you did, that you are enough even if it's by the skin of your teeth. And it will only always be that way if you choose for that to be so. You may always have ADHD or cystic fibrosis or depression — or fill in the blank — and none of that means that you have to suffer for your entire life.

Problems are not the only thing that compounds — so does practice, so does compassion. Put energy towards those things and in most situations, they will outpace past grievances. And it all starts with a step so small you'll probably want to scoff at it.

That's it for this episode of "ADHD and." Thank you so much for joining me and make sure to like and subscribe. If you enjoyed today's episode, check out our episode on ADHD and emotional dysregulation where I explain why having ADHD makes it harder to manage emotions. And for a quick way to boost your mood on your terms, try ADHD Unstuck. It's a 10-minute, free, self-guided activity designed by and for women with ADHD that helps boost your mood on your terms. Find the link in the description, and thanks for watching.

You've been listening to "ADHD and." I'd love to hear from you. If you have a question you'd like me to answer or a topic you'd like us to cover, email us at podcasts@understood.org.

Be sure to check out the show notes for this episode. There you'll find resources and links to anything I mentioned in the episode. 

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give.

"ADHD and" is produced by Calvin Knie and Alyssa Shea, who also edits the show. .. Editorial support is provided by Rae Jacobson.

Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright.Briana Berry is our production director. Jordan Davidson is our editorial director.

For Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere.

And I'm your host, Dr. J.