School refusal vs. sick days: What’s really going on?

In this episode, Julian breaks down “chronic absenteeism.” What is that, you ask?

As parents, you’re probably familiar with kids avoiding school. But when does a feeling turn into a pattern? And what can that tell us about a child’s school experience? 

Julian will explain the difference between occasional sick days and ongoing patterns, what true school refusal really looks like, and what you can do about it.

Related resources

• Listen: School refusal (when kids say “no”)

• Read: How to help kids cope with school refusal

• Download: Find out why your child doesn’t want to go to school

Episode transcript

Julian Saavedra: Pretty much every kid's going to miss a day of school here and there. Maybe they get sick, or they need to go to a family event, maybe even a little vacation. But when it starts to become more of a regular thing, that can be a sign of big trouble. It can also be really detrimental to their ability to succeed in school. So what do you do if your child is missing lots of school, or maybe they're just flat out refusing to go? And how can the school help get your child back on track?

Welcome to "The Opportunity Gap," a show where we talk about how to navigate the education system. I'm your host, Julian, an assistant principal with over 20 years of experience in education. Today we're talking about chronic absenteeism and school refusal. Why does it matter? What can lead to it? And what parents and schools can do about it.

All right, so let's jump into chronic absenteeism, what it is, and why it's so incredibly important to talk about it.

(00:58) Chronic absenteeism post-pandemic

Julian: When a child misses more than 10% of the days slotted to attend in school, that's considered chronic absenteeism. Across the country, there's been a rise in chronic absenteeism, post-COVID. Nationally, schools are experiencing chronic absenteeism at a really alarming rate. And it goes across racial lines, across age groups, across socioeconomic groups. It's happening everywhere, and it's cause for concern.

In urban districts, about half are experiencing more than 30% of our students as being chronically absent. Students of color and students with disabilities are students who are more likely to be chronically absent.

All right, so why does it matter? And does it matter if kids are missing more than 10% of their days? Well, guess what? The long and short of it? Yes, it matters. It's a big deal. We want our kids to be in school as much as possible and for the entire school day.

And first, let's jump into the legal part. There's a word that many parents might hear in passing, but I want to make sure that everybody's clear on what it is. It's called truancy. And it's where a student is missing three or more unexcused absences in the school year, or if they have habitual truancy, that means that they've missed six or more for the school year. And if those absences are not excused and they exceed 10, then a family can be referred to truancy court.

And so what we find with truancy is there can be legal ramifications for our families if your children are missing school and there's not an excused absence. You can find more about your state's laws related to truancy just by looking up any of the school district websites. It'll give you more information about that.

(03:00) The impact of chronic absenteeism

Julian: So, why is this important? Why is this something that we need to worry about? Chronic absenteeism is linked to low academic success. When children are in the classroom, they're being in a place where they can learn, and they're learning from a teacher that's an expert in their field. If they're not getting that by not being in school, then not only are they more likely to not succeed, they're also more likely to drop out. And we find that there's a correlation between dropout rates in high school and the amount of school days that students are absent as early as third grade.

That's a predictor of their future success. And so we really want to create a space where kids are going to school on a regular basis from very early on. School is all about socialization. School is all about a place where we learn how to interact with others. When our children are not coming to school on a regular basis, then they miss out on those relationships that they're building with their friends. And they might miss out on developing some of those academic and incredibly important personal interests that they need to develop.

So you're missing out on a lot of things by not coming to school on a regular basis. And most importantly, if a kid is not coming to school on a regular basis, it tells us that something else might be going on. And so this is where we look at especially for our kids with learning and thinking differences, there's something called school refusal. It goes beyond a child just not wanting to go to school.

Sometimes a child might flat out refuse to go. Like, "No, I'm not going to school." Or they get very upset when it comes to getting to school. And so those are things that we want to pay attention to because it might be a sign that something else is going on.

All right, so we know why this is important. We know why we want our kids in school. We know why this can be a problem. What about digging deeper into what this can tell us? So my recommendation, figure out are these absences just something that is happening because our child just doesn't feel good? It happens. But what if it's becoming a pattern? That's when you need to start getting concerned.

And so that's where we start asking our parents and parenting adults, are you noticing that there's a certain day or a certain time of the year or a certain type of activity that is constantly buffered by your child saying, "I don't want to go to school," or "I don't feel so good." And if they're saying it every Thursday, I wonder why. Maybe Thursday is the day when biology is having a test, or maybe Thursday is the day that they have gym class.

Is there something happening that's consistently causing a reaction for your child and they're trying to avoid something? Or is there a specific interaction that they're having at school that might be causing them to not want to go?

(06:01) Investigating the root cause of school avoidance

Julian: These are questions you need to start investigating. And the best way to investigate with your child is to ask lots of questions. Let me give you an example. "Hey, tell me about school so far. Tell me about your favorite teacher. What class is really fun for you? What class is really hard for you?" And as they're answering, "Tell me more." You want to get to the point where you have an idea of how you can help them. If it's a specific thing like, "I don't understand algebra or math, I don't want to go to school." Well, great, we can get you a tutor. Or great, we can find more information for you.

If it's, "I don't want to go to school because I feel really sad when I go," or "I'm anxious about it. I feel overwhelmed." How can we help you feel a little bit better? What can we do to help support some of these big feelings you're having? You're not solving the problem, but you're making sure that you're addressing the emotions they're having and you're validating how they feel.

So now once you've gotten some of this information, now we can start to figure out what do we do? Number one, if you figured out that your child is struggling to want to go to school, lacks motivation, is there an incentive system put in place in school? So many schools have perfect attendance or high attendance for the month of May or who's on time today or whatever else you can figure out. Is there an incentive system put in place? And if there's not one, you and the teachers can work to create one.

Two, ask yourself, does your child have a relationship in the building? As a school leader, one of the biggest tasks that we have is to ensure every child in the building has somebody that they trust, whether it is an adult or whether it is another child. Every single child should have a strong relationship with at least one person in the building. So your job as the parenting adult is to figure out who that relationship is and how can you leverage that relationship to help figure out how to motivate your child to get back to school.

Does your child feel safe? Do they feel secure? Do they feel seen in school? And if any of those questions are a no, then do some investigating by reaching out to the school to figure out, "Hey, here's what they're telling me. What can we do to figure this out?"

So all of that to say, chronic absenteeism, it's a big issue across the nation. And we know it's something that our kids of color and our kids with learning and thinking differences are experiencing even more. But don't think you can't do anything about it. As a parent, try to ask lots of questions. Try to figure out if there's an incentive that will motivate your child to go to school. But most importantly, try to figure out how you can be there for your child and explain how important school is to their development. But it's our job to help figure out how to get them there so that they love school and they love learning.

Julian: All right listeners, till next time, fam. We'll see you all out there. Bye bye.

Thanks so much for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners, so if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org.

And be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode.

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give.

"The Opportunity Gap" is produced by Julie Subrin and Gretchen Vierstra. Video is produced by Calvin Knie and edited by Jessie DiMartino.

Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director.

From Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key and Scott Cocchiere. Thanks again for listening.