5 expert tips to build a relationship with support staff at school

Your child may spend most of the school day with classroom teachers. But chances are there are other people at school who could, or already do, support your child in other ways. 

The librarian, nurse, lunch monitor, afterschool program staff, bus driver, and others can make a big difference in how kids function at school — and how they feel about it. So can related services providers and people who teach electives, like art, music, and PE teachers.

These staff members can provide a safe space or give a much-needed confidence boost. That extra support is good for all students. But it can be especially important for kids who learn and think differently. 

Here are five tips to build relationships with out-of-classroom staff who can provide social, emotional, and learning support to your child.

Back-to-school night and other events aren’t just for meeting teachers. Go with the goal of meeting as many staff members as possible.

“Introduce yourself to the front office team, the nurse, administrators, school counselor, and anyone who supports your child,” says Understood Expert and special education teacher Kate Garcia, MEd. “A [familiar] face is easier to reach out to later.”

There are also non-classroom staff that students interact with regularly. These are people who may know your child or be in a position to offer support.

“I make sure to chat with the staff like the librarian, who parents usually don’t get to talk to,” says Understood Expert and special education teacher Shira Moskovitz, MA. “A five-minute conversation really stands out — and I can say this as the out-of-classroom teacher who sits there at those events without talking to many families.”

Perhaps there’s a strategy that really helps your child to calm down and refocus. Or maybe certain topics or types of work are especially motivating. The more staff members know about what helps your child be successful, the better able they’ll be to offer support. 

Says Moskovitz, “I introduce myself and my child at the beginning of the year via email. I make sure to highlight anything of note in their [specific area], like telling the art teacher that last year my child loved creating a stop-motion animation project and can’t wait to create new art this year.

“These brief interactions can make a lasting impression and help you understand all the resources available to your child,” she adds.

Ask the teacher if there’s someone in particular your child has formed a bond with. Also ask who might be able to offer support. The teacher may have noticed situations where having an ally might be helpful for your child, such as at recess.

Find out from your child who at school makes the day go better. “I ask my kiddo about the people he interacts with and take note of names to engage with later,” says literacy nonprofit leader DeJunne’ Clark Jackson, MA. 

Professionals like occupational or speech-language therapists have a different type of relationship with your child than the teacher does. Even if they only work with your child once a week, they can be a great source of support. 

Use natural opportunities to start building a relationship, suggests Understood expert and speech-language pathologist Kelli Johnson, MA. 

“Stop by your provider’s office during open houses or seek them out during family nights and field days,” she says. “Connect with them during parent- teacher conferences. You can do this with them individually, or request that they attend the primary conference [with the teacher].”

A simple “thank you” goes a long way to building a good relationship with all of the staff members who support your child. 

“At drop-off or pick-up, take a moment to thank the bus driver, afterschool activity coordinator, or school secretary,” says Garcia. “When you show appreciation, you open the door for ongoing communication and trust.”

There are a number of ways to offer your thanks. You can say it verbally, write a note, or treat staff to coffee with a gift card. 

“I’ll bring a box of sweet treats to the front office with a note on it from my kid and his family,” says Clark Jackson. “I also write encouraging notes to the school administration unrelated to my kid.”

For Clark Jackson, those connections are key. “I truly believe that the front office staff is the front line of defense and can be the greatest asset and relationship built in the school,” she adds.

Having multiple sources of support can make it easier for your child to navigate and manage the demands of school. Once you connect with the people who can help, keep the communication going.