Parent-teacher conferences: Tips and questions to ask

Parent-teacher conferences go by fast — most last just 10 to 15 minutes. That’s not much time to talk about how your child is doing in school. And it can feel even tighter if you’re also keeping track of an Individualized Education Program (IEP) or a 504 plan. 

It’s common to leave a conference and realize you forgot to ask something important. Or you might feel like you mostly listened and didn’t get to share what you see at home. A little planning can help you and your child’s teacher use that time well, together.

This guide explains what to do before, during, and after the conference. You’ll also find specific questions to ask the teacher, so you leave with a clear idea of how your child is doing and what comes next.

A little prep goes a long way. Here’s what you should do before you meet with your child’s teacher.

Check your child’s homework, projects, tests, and grades, including any in an online grade portal. Read recent emails or newsletters from the teacher, and skim the class website or syllabus. That way you won’t spend conference time on general policies.

Notice anything that stands out, like a drop in grades or a spot where your child keeps getting stuck. Set aside a few samples to bring, and jot down any questions the work raises. 

Let your child know that every family has a conference. That way they won’t worry about what the meeting means.

Then get a sense of how school is going. Kids with ADHD and learning disabilities may not say when they’re struggling, so asking specific questions helps more than “How was school?” Try:

• What’s your favorite part of the school day? What’s the toughest part?

• Is anything confusing or stressful right now?

• Who do you like to spend time with at school?

• Is there anything you want me to tell your teacher?

Bring a copy and any recent progress notes on your child’s goals. Also bring any outside reports you want the teacher to see, like an evaluation or notes from a tutor.

If you don’t have a copy of the IEP or 504 plan, ask the school for one. For an IEP, the law requires schools to give you a copy at no cost.opens in a new tab 

The teacher should have your child’s IEP or 504 plan, but your copy lets you point to specifics. Special education teacher Kate Garcia, MEd, suggests tying questions to a specific accommodation and a specific assignment. For example: “The plan says extra time on tests. Did my child get it on last week’s math test?” Work samples can help show what’s really happening. She also suggests sharing strategies that have worked well for your child before.

Keep in mind that this isn’t an IEP meeting. If you have a lot of concerns or questions about your child’s IEP, you can ask for an IEP team meeting at any time. You don’t have to wait for the yearly review. 

If you need an interpreter or the meeting isn’t accessible for you, ask the school to arrange support as early as you can. Many schools offer over-the-phone interpretation services. Garcia says that interpreter services sometimes need up to 72 hours to book. 

Schools must also make sure that parents with disabilitiesopens in a new tab aren’t shut out of school programs and activities because a building isn’t accessible. Again, be sure to ask in advance. Some things, like an elevator key, may be held by a staff member who won’t be at the conference. 

Now that you’ve looked at the work and talked with your child, write down what you want to cover (the next section has ideas). 

Also think about what you want the teacher to know, like:

• What has helped your child do well in the past

• Big changes at home, like a move, a new baby, or a loss

• Upcoming absences, like family trips or religious holidays

• Things you see at home that the teacher might not see in class, like signs of stress or frustration

Then put your list in order of importance. Garcia recommends starting with what matters most to you, in case time runs out. 

This parent-teacher conference worksheet can help you get organized:

Use these questions as a starting point. You won’t have time for all of them, so pick three to five that matter most for your child. If the teacher uses a term you don’t know, it’s OK to stop and ask, “What does that mean?”

• What are my child’s strongest and most challenging subjects? Can you show me examples?

• Do you think the work is too easy, too hard, or about right for my child?

• What skills should we focus on over the next few months?

• Does my child turn in homework on time? 

• How long should it take for my child to complete homework?

• Do test results match what you see in daily work? (Some kids with learning disabilities know the material but struggle to show it on a test.)

• Does my child join in class activities and ask for help when needed?

• How does my child get along with classmates?

• When does my child seem most engaged or happy at school?

• Have you noticed any changes in mood, energy, or behavior?

• Is there a time of day when things get harder? What’s going on then?

• Has my child been out of class for other reasons, like trips to the nurse or being sent out of the room?

• What can I do at home to support what you’re teaching?

• What helps when my child feels frustrated or confused in class? Could we try that at home?

• What’s the one thing you’d most like me to work on with my child?

• What’s the best way to reach you, and how often should we check in?

If your child has an IEP or a 504 plan, you might ask:

• Which accommodations in my child’s plan are being used in class? Can you show me an example?

• How do you know whether the accommodations are working?

• Is my child getting services, like speech or occupational therapy, as often as the plan says? Does the service provider update you? What progress do you see? 

• Does my child miss class time for these services? What do they miss, and how do they catch up?

Note: Your child’s special education teacher or service provider may be able to answer some of these better than the general education teacher. If they’re not at your child’s meeting, ask the teacher to connect you. You may want to schedule a separate meeting with them. 

If there’s no IEP or 504 plan: 

• What have you noticed, and what supports have you tried? 

• Should we talk about an evaluation?

Once you’re at the conference, things can move quickly. These tips can help you stay focused, work well with the teacher, and leave with a clear plan.

Plan to be ready about five minutes early so you don’t lose any of your meeting time. For a videoconference, test your link and sound ahead of time.

Take a few deep breaths. Remember that you’re joining this meeting to partner with your child’s teacher to support your child. 

Garcia says it helps to focus on specific assignments or moments, then let the teacher share what they’ve seen. Keeping the talk on supporting your child and finding solutions keeps it from feeling like blame. Taking notes shows you’re a partner too. 

If you disagree with the teacher, calmly say so. If you stay quiet, the teacher may think you don’t have concerns.

Garcia says, “A common mistake is allowing the teacher to simply re-explain policies or general matters when you have questions that are specific to your child.” Gently steer it back to your child and your top questions. If you run out of time, ask how to keep talking, like a phone call, an email, or a second meeting.

Save a few minutes at the end. Repeat back who’s doing what and by when. You might ask: 

• “Could we have a brief email check-in every other week?” 

• “What should we look for in the next few weeks to know if this support is working?”

What happens next matters as much as the meeting itself. A few simple steps can keep the momentum going and help your child get the support you talked about.

Start with the good news, like something the teacher enjoys about your child or a skill they’ve gotten better at. Then calmly and briefly share any challenges. Tell your child what the plan is and what their part is. With older kids, ask what they think would help.

Send the teacher a short thank-you within a few days. List what you agreed on, who’s doing what, and the dates. This keeps everyone on the same page and gives you a record to look back on.

If you set a check-in time, put it on your calendar. When it comes up, share what you’ve been trying at home and ask what the teacher is seeing in class. Is the plan helping, or does something need to change?

If your worries weren’t settled, or you need more time than the conference allowed, follow up by email. Putting a request in writing can help avoid misunderstanding. 

If your child has an IEP or a 504 plan, consider asking for a formal IEP or 504 meeting. Garcia says that’s the right step when the concern involves accommodations, placement (where and how your child is taught), services, or how your child is doing across subjects.

If your child doesn’t have a plan and you think they might need support, you can request a free evaluation in writing. You don’t need to wait for the school to suggest it.