Should you hold your child back a year? What parents need to know

If your child doesn’t seem ready for kindergarten or the next grade, what should you do? What if the school is suggesting that your child stay back? 

In this episode, we break down the real factors behind redshirting and grade retention. Guest Dr. Imani Irving-Perez, a lecturer on early childhood and special education, shares what to consider. She talks about social-emotional development, academic readiness, behavior, and more. You’ll learn what questions to ask schools, what the research says, and how to make a decision that supports your child now and later.

• Listen: Need help advocating for your kid at school? We talk to a pro

• Read: Retention: Why kids are held back

Dr. Imani Irving-Perez: When I hear parents talk about some of the discomfort around pushing their children into a grade that they feel that they're not quite ready for, we have to unpack this piece about readiness and recognize what is readiness academically versus what is readiness socially versus physically. Like, continuously thinking about this developmental lens. And when it is, in fact, something like academics, thinking about how can we actually get them to the next grade level and build in the supports that they need so that they can, in fact, be successful in that grade.

Julian Saavedra: That's Dr. Imani Irving-Perez. She's a lecturer on early childhood and special education at Hunter College in New York. She's also a mom to five kids. You heard that right. And she has lots of insights into the pros and cons of holding a young child back in school, or "redshirting," as it is sometimes called.

If you're raising a child who maybe doesn't seem ready for, say, kindergarten or first grade, it can feel daunting to decide what to do. How will they feel five years from now, or even 10 years from now, being older than other kids in their class? Are there long-term benefits to holding them back, or are there serious drawbacks?

It's important to realize that you don't have to make that decision alone. And today, we've got Dr. Irving-Perez to share all that she's learned on this topic in her years as a teacher, an administrator, a researcher, and a parent. So listen, y'all, I am so happy to have her here. She has so much expertise. So let's welcome Dr. Irving-Perez to the show. Welcome.

Dr. Imani Irving-Perez: Greetings, Julian. Thank you so much for having me.

Julian: I appreciate you coming in. Let's start off by talking about why typically parents and caregivers think about holding their child back from starting school or advancing to the next grade. What are the primary reasons this comes up?

Imani: So, good question. When I think about some of the reasons why parents hold children back, I think of it through a multi-layered developmental lens. The first thing I think about is perhaps their social-emotional concerns. That, you know, perhaps a child's younger than their peers, or the child struggles with transitions or regulation or confidence.

The other thing I think about is academic readiness and some of the cognitive differences that might come up developmentally. So, are they reading yet? Are they not reading yet? Are they behind in math? Are they not? Are there executive functioning things that are happening that give a parent some pause?

And then finally, another reason within the developmental lens I also think about is the behavioral concerns. So, thinking about difficulty with attention, routines, classroom expectations. Sometimes we even think about as parents the physical piece. Right? Are they growing as quickly as their other peers? And if not, how can we give them some — a bit of an advantage?

Julian: Interesting. And is it something that's happening more often now?

Imani: Though it happened earlier on for perhaps academic reasons, there may be some other reasons as we think about perhaps sports, why parents might decide to delay it. Back in the day, I think what parents wanted, right, was for their children to be skipped. Right? That was something that seemed exemplary to some degree.

But I think parents are shifting this idea about, you know, kind of savoring childhood and buying their children as much time as possible to allow them to have advantages, both academically and extracurricularly.

Julian: So, I'm just thinking about this idea of children not going to school immediately. And as a parent, I know that that's a really tough decision. Like, to weigh the options of "What should I do? How do I make this decision?" I'm thinking about two specific angles.

One, if I'm a parent and I'm concerned socially about my child. Like, is my child socially ready to go on to the next grade? And then conversely, also thinking about academics. So let's start with, "I'm a parent and I'm a little worried that my child might not be ready socially." What would you advise them to do?

Imani: Yeah, so with social-emotional readiness, I implore parents to honor their instinct. That's first and foremost. I think that parents have great instinct and it should be honored. But that also comes with some questions. Right?

And so thinking about, you know, what are some of the developmental variations that they're seeing? Are these isolated events, or are there things that are consistent? These are some things that could be weighed. You know, how does that child function across different types of settings?

So, you know, you're getting feedback about how that child might be existing in preschool, if they are in fact in preschool. But if they're not in preschool yet, thinking about like, how are they existing at home versus outdoors? And really data gathering around their community and their environment. How are they interacting with children versus adults?

There are so many other lenses for parents who may not have access to early childhood education. And then also thinking about: are there supports already in place that exist for the child socially that would mitigate the need to retain them?

And if there aren't, what type of benefits will come, and where would those supports come from socially if they decide to retain them? Those are some of the considerations that I would ask parents.

Julian: Something that I also see from my lens — my children are 10 and 11 years old — well actually, now I'm sorry, 12 and 10 right now — but I work in a high school. And I'm finding even with high school students who were held back, the implications of their long-term development are something to be considered.

So I have high school students that are older or younger than their peers, and that really makes an impact on them socially when they get older. Right? So if I'm a student that was held back when I get to 9th or 10th or 11th grade, and all of my friends are 14 and I'm 15, or all of my friends are 16 and I'm 18, that's a lot of implications socially.

So it's things to consider as you're making this decision. And obviously any decisions we make with children, we have to think about all aspects and the long-term implications. But for parents, I would highly recommend: think about that side of it too, not just the child sitting in front of you, but who is the child going to be across their education experience?

Imani: Yeah, that's a great point, Julian. And the data shares a lot of that or reinforces a lot of that sentiment. So there are short-term gains that can happen, especially academically, if it's done earlier on. But the long-term benefits are a little bit less clear and can fade over time.

And then finally, you know, some studies are showing that there can be an increased risk of — and I think this speaks to what you're sharing, right — this increased risk of disengagement, or maybe even dropout later on.

And so I think because children become more cognizant, right, of the differences in terms of size and age as they get older, there's a lot of care that should be taken into consideration when we are considering children across the age band, but especially as the children get older.

(07:10) The administrative perspective on academic growth and the importance of early intervention.

Julian: So I want to go back to what you said related to the idea of evaluating supports. And I want to shift to the academic side of things. So again, putting myself in the shoes of a parent that's considering opting into redshirting or holding my child back because I have concerns for academic growth. How would you counsel them on what to do next?

Imani: When I was an administrator, sometimes this conversation did come up about the importance of giving the child more time. And then the conversation goes deeper into what "more time" looks like. And we often didn't wait to have those conversations at the end of the school year.

I think we collected a lot of data in the beginning and had them pretty early on, perhaps, you know, November or so. I think that, just to speak to that a bit, I think parents appreciated that a little bit more and they were more bought in because a whole year hadn't passed before this conversation happened.

So, you know, sometimes this "promotion in doubt" letter comes where administrators are sharing with parents. There's a letter from on high that says your child may not move on to the next grade. But it comes quite late, and that can be very scary. But when the conversation happens early on as "let's buy them some time," then we start to push them to thinking about, you know, some of the gaps that are existing. What is happening across content areas?

Julian: So let me throw a situation at you. Let's say that I have a preschool child and I'm super worried about them academically. I don't think that they're ready to go to kindergarten. Is there an argument to be made that instead of redshirting them, I need to send them to school instead, because maybe going to school will help catch them up faster? What do you think about that?

Imani: First and foremost, recognizing some of this worry and fear and naming it is the first step. And getting some context around what is making you feel like they are not ready, and what is readiness? What is readiness for kindergarten or whatever the next grade is?

So kind of norming your understanding on what readiness is. If, in fact, it is something academic, which tends to be a little more tangible than some of these social-emotional variability that exists for children, then the conversation would become: does delaying them going into the next grade help?

And oftentimes, what it might do is the converse, which is delay their access to support, delay their access to high-quality instruction, delay their access to the resources that exist to get them to be competent in whatever the subject matter is or the grade-level competencies that exist.

And so, when I hear parents talk about some of the discomfort around pushing their children into a grade that they feel that they're not quite ready for, we have to unpack this piece about readiness and recognize what is readiness academically versus what is readiness socially versus physically. Like, continuously thinking about this developmental lens.

And when it is, in fact, something like academics, thinking about how can we actually get them to the next grade level and build in the supports that they need so that they can, in fact, be successful in that grade and get access to those services quicker than, you know, waiting for them — that child — to get there independently.

Because essentially, it will be way more difficult for that child to just use time as the factor that gets them to be competent. There has to be some services that are included. And denying being redshirted or denying being held back can help that child get the access to the services that they need.

Julian: So talk to me about your experience with some of the other factors that drive this decision. Like, especially for younger students, if we're talking about children who are in the preschool, kindergarten, first grade world, what are some other things that could drive this decision?

Imani: It's a great question. Coming from an early childhood education background, I think it's amazing — you know, I'm here in New York City as a lecturer and there are so many initiatives about stretching the school day. But it's interesting that a lot of parents decide to retain their children because it's more financially feasible, ironically.

So once upon a time, getting the children into school quickly was important, right? Doing kindergarten because you can mitigate some of the child care cost. But now that child care — it's not quite universal yet, right? But now that we have increased access to child care, and that might mean longer days and longer coverage, there might be some parents who are deciding to retain their children to give themselves more time just for a financial support, which is something that I don't think is often considered.

One of the other factors that can go either way in terms of retention is like the fear of labeling and stigma. And so a lot of parents, rather than put their children or allow the process of special education to begin or commence for their child, they, you know, they often don't want their child to be labeled.

And so rather than do that and, you know, get an individualized education plan, they decide, you know what, let me buy them some time, and they won't have to go through this stigma of special education or the stigma of labeling. And that speaks to some of the fears and, to be quite frank, the traumas that parents may have heard of or maybe even experienced with special education.

And so they want to protect their child, and that makes perfect sense. But making sure that we can support parents in letting them know that the importance of special education is how we support the child. And so really emphasizing that it's not just, you know, stick your child in a room and they're gone forever, but this is what's going to actually amplify their ability to be successful and increase their opportunity.

So getting them to reimagine that the label is not a sentence, and the label is actually like a tool, right, to get them everything that they need. Some cultural beliefs, I think, could be some other factors to consider. Cultural beliefs around readiness and schooling can impede or support the decision to retain a child.

Other things that I'm thinking about is long-term trajectory and thinking about graduation age, the peer group, identity. All of these, Julian, can go either way, but these are some of the factors that can work for or against a parent deciding to retain their child.

Julian: Right. And I appreciate that you named a couple of things that are just related to life. Like, there's financial concerns, there's coverage concerns, there's transportation concerns, there's, like you said, cultural concerns.

We talk extensively on our show about the experience of Black and brown children and families and how there is still a continued stigma around special education services and the trust in the school system to provide the best possible outcomes for our children.

So all of those come into play. And those of you listening, those are all valid. Those are all things to consider. It's not to say this decision is easy. It's not. But I think for the financial part, depending on which state you're in and which school system you're in, the access to universal child care is a really big factor.

And for so many of our working parents, with the economy the way it is, it boils down to that: am I able to afford child care? And sometimes all those other factors become subservient to the money. And so that's something that as you're making a decision, seeking out counsel or support on what's going to make the most sense for your children and do you have to make sacrifices for that child is something that we have to name and recognize because it's real.

(15:13) Redshirting and how socioeconomic status influences the ability to delay school entry.

Julian: In your research, have you found any data to support the long-term impact of holding a child back? Obviously, like, every child is different, every situation is different, but what does the science tell us about the long-term impact of having a child redshirt?

Imani: So, it depends on the motive, I think, to some degree. Overall, one of the things that I shared earlier was that in terms of long-term benefits, it's a little less clear, and that the benefits themselves fade over time because often the goal is more short-term or immediate.

And I just want to mention this piece. I know I brought up the financial implications about having more coverage, but this is not unique to any specific socioeconomic group. And so you find that some groups with means are able to redshirt more readily than parents who don't have the socioeconomic advantage.

And they do that through paying for a year of private school or paying for another year of preschool. So that can also be a bit of a gap because I think these parents are recognizing that it's only up from here, right? I've bought my child time literally and figuratively, and through them having a developmental advantage in terms of time in, they have a higher opportunity to get scholarships or to climb socially in school or within school.

So that's something I wanted to mention about the financial piece. In terms of the data, I was reading several different things before we came together about this, and I think they've all collectively shared the sentiment about: it's so individualized that it's unclear if there is a trend of any sort.

For some parents, the goal that they set out to do was accomplished, right? Their child had the physical advantage, they had the social advantage because some time was spent in an environment that they were familiar with. And then academically, because the instruction was tailored to the needs of the child and there was a year of knowing who that child was within that grade band, it was easier to close the gaps. And so with the short-term goals, it's very clear that it can work.

Julian: Obviously, we've discussed a lot of different aspects in making this decision about whether or not your child should be held back or take a redshirt year. Out of all these things that we've talked about, let's boil it down to three or four things parents or guardians or caregivers can do to try to make this decision. What information should they gather? What factors should they consider as they're making this decision?

Imani: Yeah, so one of the — when we talked about factors earlier, one of the things I didn't mention was this piece about access. I would say that's most important. When we think about access, we're also thinking about equity.

So I would say that the first thing to focus on is: what type of access exists, what type of supports would exist for the child from the beginning if we decided to redshirt them, what type of supports exist for this child now? So that we might not need to go that route if that's not the route.

What type of data exists? And so data sounds so extreme to some parents. Like, "Data? Like, I'm, you know, I'm a mom, right? I'm a dad. I just want to know if my child should do this thing." But you have the right to get to know what type of information is being gathered on your child to support redshirting them or not.

And so parents should ask. And now it's so great that we have this conversation, Julian, because we can give them the language, right? What type of progress monitoring is happening over time? How frequently are we collecting information on this specific skill before we decide that they're not making progress?

How would retaining them differ from moving them forward if the supports are not entirely clear now? So weighing that is extraordinarily important. Talking to multiple teachers and people and talking to the pediatrician. Sometimes you'll get countering views. Sometimes the pediatrician's like, "Oh, they'll get there," or "No, maybe we should consider referring them."

While a teacher might say, "Oh, this is normal for their grade level." As a parent, I've heard this, right? Like, "No, they don't need XYZ, all the children are doing this," right? But making sure that you are seeing your child through a unique lens and getting the information to support what you need for your child.

And considering outside evaluations if you're able to could be very helpful to just get a third-party recommendation when possible. And then finally, I would say trust your instincts while you're considering your whole child. Who they are in and out of school across developmental domains when you can. But ultimately trusting your instinct as a parent and knowing that nothing is final, right? You have a choice, you have options, and exploring those options through connecting with community partners and people you trust.

Julian: All those are great recommendations to figure this out. Because again, we don't want you to make this decision alone. To Dr. Irving-Perez's point, really find somebody that you trust, ask what supports are already in place, figure out: have interventions been tried? And what progress monitoring is — what kind of data has been offered?

We've covered a lot of things, but I'm hoping that anybody who's listened to our conversation feels a little bit more informed about how to make this decision. Anything else that we haven't touched upon that you want to throw in before we finish off?

Imani: Absolutely. I think one of the most reassuring things to know as a parent is that part of the work that we do is an art and a science. And so while there is science behind development, how we implement the science is artistically ours as parents.

And so take ownership in your role as a parent by deciding that nothing is really final, right? Understanding that through taking risk with making decisions around what's best for your child, it may not always feel like it was the right decision, but knowing that there are things that can be changed.

Knowing that there is developmental variability. Understanding that while there are some, you know, milestones and benchmarks, that some of the art in parenting is recognizing where your child may or may not fit so neatly into that, and then thinking about what can you do in a creative way to support them.

And so ultimately recognizing that parenting in and of itself is both about risk and resilience as much as development is. And that most importantly, with risk and with resilience, nothing is fixed — and you have the final word.

Julian: I think we end it right there, because you just hit the nail on the head. Ultimately, we just want the best for our children. And if we work together, then we can get there. I just want to say thank you so much from the show, from me, myself, I learned a lot talking to you. We appreciate you coming on, and thank you for sharing all of your insight and knowledge.

Imani: Thank you for having me, and keep up the amazing work that you all are doing to inform us parents, because we need y'all.

Julian: Oh yes, we do.

Thanks for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners. So if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org. And be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode.

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"The Opportunity Gap" is produced by Julie Subrin and Gretchen Vierstra. Video is produced by Calvin Knie and edited by Jessie DiMartino. Briana Berry is our production director. Jordan Davidson is our editorial director. From Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key and Scott Cocchiere. Thanks again for listening. Till next time, OG family.