4 tips to help kids cope with uncertainty and anxiety

It’s normal for kids to feel uncertain sometimes as they grow and learn about the world. However, there’s a big difference between feeling nervous once in a while and dealing with constant uncertainty. So, how can parents notice these moments and offer support?

Listen as host Julian Saavedra explains why it’s normal for kids to feel uncertain. Learn how to spot signs of anxiety and uncertainty in your child. And get helpful tips for supporting your child through these feelings. 

We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at opportunitygap@understood.org.

Related resources

• 7 tips to help your child self-soothe

• Is the news stressing your kids out? Tips for getting through it

• Stress and anxiety

Timestamps

(01:25) Why kids may feel uncertain at times

(03:14) Signs of uncertainty and anxiety in kids

(04:07) Julian’s tips for helping kids manage uncertainty

Episode transcript

Julian: What's going on, OG family? Welcome to the "Opportunity Gap." I'm your host, Julian. Today we're talking about how to help kids cope with uncertainty about the world. So, a little story time. I'm a dad of two amazing children, Abraham, 10, Amalia, nine, and right around December, my daughter Amalia comes up to me and she's like, "Dad, I'm a little nervous." I'm like, "What you mean, babe?" She's like "No, I am a little bit nervous. I'm just not sure what's going on. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future. Is everything gonna be OK?"

And she looked up at me with those big old brown eyes and dads, if you're out there, you know when your baby girl looks at you with those eyes and that look, it just hits different. So, I had to take a moment, and it all hit me like, wow, she's nervous about something. She's struggling with a little bit of fear. She's uncertain.

And so, in that moment, I realized that she's scared just like we are. And she's and she's uncertain about what's gonna happen. We hear it all the time in the news. We see it in our schools, and adults, we know, we feel it ourselves. So, what do we do to navigate this world where nothing feels certain?

(01:25) Why kids may feel uncertain at times

So, first and foremost, it's really natural for kids to feel uncertain at times, right? Like they know that things are not always set, and it's a natural occurrence for them to not know what's gonna happen. You know, obviously they haven't had a lot of experience in the world like we have, right? They call us old heads. We're old heads for a reason. We've been in the world a lot longer than they have.

And so, there's a big difference, though, between feeling a little bit nervous, like you have some butterflies in your stomach, or you're not really sure about what's gonna happen, versus struggling with deep uncertainty, like waking up every day and not knowing what's going to happen next. And if I'm being honest, it's really hard to be a kid right now. The world we live in is not the world we grew up in. The world that we live is vastly different than anything we've ever dealt with as human beings. So, it's hard to feel secure.

You turn on the news or you look at your Instagram feed, or you're looking at TikToks, and next thing you know, there's a notice for another school shooting that happened. Or you find out that what I'm learning in school is different than what I learned last year. You see all these things happening in different countries and it's nonstop, right? There's no break from it. And so for our kids, that's a lot to take in.

Now imagine a child not only who's taking all that information in, but imagine that kid who learns and thinks differently. All that uncertainty, it can be so much harder to navigate. And so, we have to figure out how to acknowledge that for our kids. That's step one.

What's the impact? What is it like for them to be living in an uncertain time?

(03:14) Signs of uncertainty and anxiety in kids

Kids who don't know what's coming up next, they can experience a lot of big feelings. They can feel frustration, they can start to feel sad, and these emotions lead to behavioral changes. You might see a child start to withdraw a little bit, you might see your kids feel a little bit irritable, or they might even start acting out. That's what people do when they're under stress.

So, as you're dealing with a child who might be feeling these really big emotions, there's some really clear things that I'm going to recommend you do, especially if you have a child with a learning and thinking difference because it's really important to put these strategies in place. Here's some of my tips or as my producer says, Julian Gems. We need to copyright that, Julian Gems, for what you can do.

(04:07) Julian's tips for helping kids manage uncertainty

Number one, Julian Gem: create consistency. All right, everybody loves the word consistency, but what does that mean? It means that you can't control everything happening in the world, but you can control what is in your locus of control. And as a parent or a guardian or a teacher or an adult in somebody's life, or even if you're a child listening to this, you can the environment around you. You can create a stable, predictable environment around your day-to-day life.

Have regular meal times as much as you can. Set a routine for your bedtime. The biggest combatant against uncertainty is to create certainty. For example, in the Saavedra household, we get up at the same time, we have breakfast at the time, we have the same conversation every single night at dinnertime no matter what. Even if we're not at the table together, sometimes we'll even share a video with each other where we ask ourselves the same questions every single day.

Here's those questions, and this could be something that anybody can use: Tell me something good about your day. Tell me a fun thing about your day. Tell me a challenge that you had. Tell me what you're grateful for. And everybody goes around. The children, the parents, everybody shares their answers.

Julian Gem number two: talk about anxiety. A lot of us, and If I'm being 100% honest with you, a lot of us that are in the African-American community specifically, we don't talk about things. We don't really talk about the things that are bothering us as much as we should. And we have to make sure that we acknowledge that there are things that can cause anxiety with our kids.

As a parent, share what causes you anxiety. Be honest with them. They want to hear that you're feeling the same way they are. And so, you can share "Wow, I feel a little bit nervous too." Or, "Hey, I hear what you're saying." And don't try to give them an answer, just listen. Or in some cases, tell them, "Guess what? I don't know what to do either." But if you don't open up the conversation and you don't acknowledge that the anxiety is happening, then your children are gonna shut you out. And they're gonna shut out as quickly as they can because they don't want to hear somebody that's giving them lip service. They wanna hear the truth. And the truth is, if they're feeling anxious, nine times out of 10, you're probably feeling anxious too.

Julian Gem number three: practice coping skills. Now, coping skills can take a variety of forms, but I recommend a couple of really quick things. I know you've probably heard this a thousand times: do deep breathing exercises. And maybe you already do that. But for those of you that haven't tried it yet and you're listening to the show, I highly encourage you, there's the power of taking 10 seconds to take some deep breaths and calming yourself down, and thinking about how you're feeling in that moment.

So, I highly encourage you to look into some of these quick exercises you can do with your family, and especially teaching your children what are some strategies they can do to calm themselves and refocus their energy on something that is tangible. Those big emotions are there. How do we get ourselves back down to a place where we can focus on ourselves?

Last Julian Gem: Focus on what you can control. Help your child focus on what they can control, right? Because if you're feeling anxious about these big uncertain times, what can they do to feel in control? Allow them to make decisions, allow them to have agency on things that are in their lives that directly impact them, and they can see it. If they can see "Hey, I made that choice, I did that," and they see the result, they can feel certainty, and their anxiety starts to decrease.

So, again, these are the four things I'd recommend you do: Create consistency in your household. Talk about your own feelings. Talk about your own anxiety. And be real, don't sugar coat it, be real. Practice coping skills like deep breathing or mindfulness techniques, and focus on what they can control. Empower them to restore agency in their daily lives. You know, the truth is we can't predict what tomorrow will bring, but we can offer our kids tools to manage uncertainty and we can support them with our compassion. We can help them develop resilience, and we can remind them that they're coming from a long lineage of strong people. And they are up to bat and they can do it too.

That is a wrap for today. We're gonna link some of these additional resources in the show notes. So, please be sure to check these out. Until next time, OG family.

Thanks so much for listening today. We love hearing from our listeners, so if you have any thoughts about today's episode, you can email us at opportunitygap@understood.org and be sure to check out the show notes for links and resources to anything we mentioned in the episode.

This show is brought to you by Understood.org. Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences like ADHD and dyslexia. The "Opportunity Gap" is produced by the Tara Drinks, and edited by Daniella Tello-Garzon. Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright, who also mixes the show. Ash Beecher is our supervising producer. Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director. Our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Seth Melnick. Thanks again for listening.